To My MM

[Guest]

To our dear guest (and our MM)

 

It does take 2 to tango.

If he entered into this relationship, he has issue that neither you nor the OW can resolve for him. These are things he has to learn and do for himself. And you are not THE reason. To think so is vanity and foolishness.

To blame the OW is the same as above.

 

and although the topic title is "To MY MM" we do know better.

 

He is niether YOURS, nor the OWs. He is his own man, and the sooner we all know and accept that the better we will be.

 

Most of us do not look to hurt or destroy lives. Clearly your spouse is/was seeking something, that you cannot provide. It seems as if the OW cannot either.

So, you need to learn to seek your own happiness, and not try to fulfill someone else's. It's OK to work side-by-side with someone you love to help them in their quest, even if it involves backing off.

You cannot shove fulfillment and happiness down someone's throat, nor can you bind it to them with a ring or promise.

If that were so, none of us would be here, unless we never had anyone love us, ever.

 

Bunset, had to respond your post as I find it very true that some MM have issues we cannot resolve for them or needs we are not able to provide. As a betrayed spouse, I used to have alot of hostilities toward the OW, but coming here to read their side of their stories have really helped me understand that OW also go through the same pain and suffering just like us betrayed. I'm glad for this site where OM/OW are able to come and honestly share their feelings. Thanks for sharing your posts.

[noforgiveness]

I really related to most of that. I have some to add if i can.

 

I hate when she calls you at work and you get that soft cutesy voice. I dont bother you at home, she shouldnt bother you at work.

 

I hate that i cant call you at all, that i am in a compartment of your life that is so small.

 

I hate that your counsience is clean now that you told me you cant promise me a future, but mine wont let go of hope. That makes me sick inside.

 

this just leaves me shaking my head. She calls him and he talks all cutesy with his wife??? Then why the hell are you with him? Also you make it sound like the workday he is just yours. That his WIFE should not be able to call him? You don't bother him at home? Of course you don't. You are his shaeful little secret. I think you need help. I really think you are confused.

[Guest]

Glad you posted the "SIDE" that OMs and OWs never take into consideration when they "consciously" made the decision to engage with someone who is married. It's all about them, self-gratification, fantasy fulfillment.

 

Overtime, their desire to want more result in pain, anguish, waiting hopelessly for more, and the day when MM/MW leaves their spouse for them. They write their desperation, pain and sorrow for their MM/MW in songs and poems. But nowhere do theirs songs and poems do they mention the equally painful sorrows and betrayal they caused to the families of their MM/MW. How can they? The families and the spouses of their MM/MW were never their concerns to begin with.

 

How can one attain genuine love and happiness at the expense of someone else's sorrow, their betrayed spouse and children?

 

What human with any conscience or a remotely self-respecting individual who claim to be sensitive and caring would turn around and cause pain or be an accessory for causing pain and destruction to others?

 

It is ashame that an intelligent individual who has the skill/talent and time time to write songs and poems about their self-inficted anguish and pain for their MM/MW could not have implemented that same careful thought and action to not get involved with anyone who is committed to someone else.

 

All it would have taken for these OW/OM was a simple: "NO".

 

Who knows their poems and songs would be a happy melody of someone whom they have a future with.

 

 

The married man or married woman who cheats is responsible for that spouse and children. He or she made vows and not the other woman. So when a married man or married woman approaches another person and then say that their spouse is evil, dangerous, vindictive, they just live together to raise the children, he has been miserable for a long time, he doesn't love his wife COUPLED with the fact that he is all into you and to the point that he wants intimacy, you tend to believe him.

 

Also, there is a notion that married people are more mature and more responsible. So when he came to me, I thought that he was more responsible and therefore had thought carefully about his choice. And he was a pastor, too! A gifted tongue. And not to mention he gave me $500.00 here and there to help with my expenses when I first moved here.

 

Meet a responsible, pastor, handsome, with money who hates his wife and you believe it especially coming from such a moral character, you do think that it must be genuine.

 

As many married men that have hit on me my entire life, I never gave it a thought...but this guy was tall, from Spain and only lived here for 20 years, accent, well dressed, with money, a pastor, black hair and the bluest of eyes, who kissed my hands, told me I was beautiful and that he didn't come in my life to hurt me.

[Guest]

Bunset, had to respond your post as I find it very true that some MM have issues we cannot resolve for them or needs we are not able to provide. As a betrayed spouse, I used to have alot of hostilities toward the OW, but coming here to read their side of their stories have really helped me understand that OW also go through the same pain and suffering just like us betrayed. I'm glad for this site where OM/OW are able to come and honestly share their feelings. Thanks for sharing your posts.

 

I read this somewhere in this forum....

Women always fight each other for men or attack each other for men or to keep men. I know that married woman can claim him in the end. But men have learned this about us since grade school where little girls fight each other. My child is in the 4th grade and the girls have all claimed the boys that they like.

 

The boys hate it to some degree but the girls will form friendships with girls that they are not threatened by. Married women and other women need time to heal and men need to stop moving from one bed to the next so that the women can get themselves together.