Are ther e more to these stories than he's saying?

[Angie]

My boyfriend has lots of female friends that he gives telephone advice to, he calls it free counselling because in the past he used to be a counsellor at a high school. Whenever we talk, he always tells me the problems of these women that call him and he goes on and on about it. Sometimes the stories are interesting, sometimes I'd rather not hear about them.

 

He got recommened to two women by a male friend to counseller them at McDonald's over a coffee, and apparently this older woman he helped fell in love with him and won't stop calling him. She apparenlty tells him that she has a wonderful house with a pool and an expensive car to try to make him interested, but he keeps telling her there's no chance.

 

He has another female friend whom he refers to as his 'sister' who calls him from Detroit every day because she needs help with her sociology college course. In the beginning he told me he was helping her for nothing, but when he realized she was taking advantage of his knowledge he started charging her by the hour, but he isn't sure she will pay.

 

In short, he complains to me about all these nagging women, yet it seems to be that he also likes their attention. Could there be more to this than what he's telling me?

[arthropod98]

don't know, angie . . . this sounds kind of "off" to me. counselling at MCDONALD'S -- come on now!!

 

i believe he needs to know the true SEVERITY of this situation, and how much it's bothering you. i believe any counselor would recommend compromise, and it sounds like you two may need to come to one for all this. if not, then it may be time to move on.

My boyfriend has lots of female friends that he gives telephone advice to, he calls it free counselling because in the past he used to be a counsellor at a high school. Whenever we talk, he always tells me the problems of these women that call him and he goes on and on about it. Sometimes the stories are interesting, sometimes I'd rather not hear about them. He got recommened to two women by a male friend to counseller them at McDonald's over a coffee, and apparently this older woman he helped fell in love with him and won't stop calling him. She apparenlty tells him that she has a wonderful house with a pool and an expensive car to try to make him interested, but he keeps telling her there's no chance. He has another female friend whom he refers to as his 'sister' who calls him from Detroit every day because she needs help with her sociology college course. In the beginning he told me he was helping her for nothing, but when he realized she was taking advantage of his knowledge he started charging her by the hour, but he isn't sure she will pay. In short, he complains to me about all these nagging women, yet it seems to be that he also likes their attention. Could there be more to this than what he's telling me?

[Carrie]

How long have you known this guy? Something here just doesn't sound normal. He sounds like he may need a counselor.

 

On a professional level, isn't your boyfriend supposed to keep this stuff confidential? Why does he feel the need to tell you about other women's issues? Is he looking for you to help him to give these women advice and needs your opinion? Isn't he the counselor and can't he help these women on his own. Is he looking for you to clap for him because he's helping other people and giving great advice? Is it only women that he counsels? If he also counsels men, does he tell you about their problems too? If you tell him personal stuff, can he be trusted not to run and tell other people about your personal issues?

 

Anyway, If a guy was hitting on me and I had a serious boyfriend, I wouldn't say a word, unless I was trying to make my boyfriend jealous. When a person is insecure with themselves and their relationship that's usually when they talk about other women/men a lot and other women/men wanting them at the hopes that the girl/guy they are with will get jealous. In their mind it proves that the person they are with are in love with them. It's his way of letting know he's a catch and other people find him attractive and you'd be a fool to ever leave him, because there's a line around the corner for him. And here you are, the lucky one that gets him.

 

I think you need to talk to him about it. Ask him why he tells you about everything. If he says, "I just want you to know you can trust me" then just say, "I'll trust you until I feel there's reason not to, but talking about other women constantly really bothers me." Tell him you'd rather spend the time that he talks about other women, getting to know each other and talking about you two ... not strange women.

 

Just keep your eyes peeled. I really can't say for sure if insecurity thing on his part. Usually when a person is cheating, they try to be very descreit and don't communicate too much info at the chance of slipping up and giving too much away. This guy is telling you everything... too much.

[marko]

This sounds pretty shady to me. I bet if he has these women calling, he likes to feel wanted by someone other than just you. He maybe never had attention when he was growing up from the other girls, and now he does. McDonalds is the perfect place for a session, come'n women, you need to get to the bottom of this, no man can cheat and get away w/ it. I feel for you, keep us informed.

My boyfriend has lots of female friends that he gives telephone advice to, he calls it free counselling because in the past he used to be a counsellor at a high school. Whenever we talk, he always tells me the problems of these women that call him and he goes on and on about it. Sometimes the stories are interesting, sometimes I'd rather not hear about them. He got recommened to two women by a male friend to counseller them at McDonald's over a coffee, and apparently this older woman he helped fell in love with him and won't stop calling him. She apparenlty tells him that she has a wonderful house with a pool and an expensive car to try to make him interested, but he keeps telling her there's no chance. He has another female friend whom he refers to as his 'sister' who calls him from Detroit every day because she needs help with her sociology college course. In the beginning he told me he was helping her for nothing, but when he realized she was taking advantage of his knowledge he started charging her by the hour, but he isn't sure she will pay. In short, he complains to me about all these nagging women, yet it seems to be that he also likes their attention. Could there be more to this than what he's telling me?

[midori]

I'm unclear: is your boyfriend currently a professional counselor?

 

Regardless of whether or not there's an exchange of money involved in these McDonald's sessions, I think it's very strange that your bf considers these women to be his "friends" -- when their interaction is him giving them counseling. As you say, some of these women were introduced to him specifically for that.

 

If he wants to volunteer his services, which is certainly a wonderful thing for him to do, he should do so in a structured environment -- a community center, hospital, crisis hotline, whatever. Such opportunities abound in every town, it wouldn't be hard to find one. And he should keep his counseling of people who are otherwise strangers to that environment. He should do so for a number of reasons: first, there are your very reasonable misgivings about his pseudo-friendships with these women. There are also the ethics of a counseling relationship to consider -- most counselors do not view their clients (whether paying or otherwise) as social friends. It's an important line that shouldn't be crossed, especially while the counseling is ongoing. And there's the fact that having colleagues to discuss things that have come up in sessions with clients is vital for counselors. As a professional your bf ought to know that venting to his gf is not an appropriate way to get feedback on his counseling scenarios.

 

The fact that your bf, a supposedly professional and experienced counselor, seems to either not know or has forgotten these things is troubling. Maybe this just started out as a small act of kindness, a favor for a friend of a friend, something like that. But it has gone way too far and for everyone's sake (his, yours, these women's) he needs to put an end to it. Operating in a more formal setting will enable him to erect and maintain appropriate boundaries and will afford him the support he needs as a counselor. If he's unwilling to cease the McDonald's sessions and stop accepting telephone calls at home from these women, I'd suspect there's more here than meets the eye -- and it's probably not good.

 

Good luck

[BeenThere]

I'm unclear: is your boyfriend currently a professional counselor? Regardless of whether or not there's an exchange of money involved in these McDonald's sessions, I think it's very strange that your bf considers these women to be his "friends" -- when their interaction is him giving them counseling. As you say, some of these women were introduced to him specifically for that. If he wants to volunteer his services, which is certainly a wonderful thing for him to do, he should do so in a structured environment -- a community center, hospital, crisis hotline, whatever. Such opportunities abound in every town, it wouldn't be hard to find one. And he should keep his counseling of people who are otherwise strangers to that environment. He should do so for a number of reasons: first, there are your very reasonable misgivings about his pseudo-friendships with these women. There are also the ethics of a counseling relationship to consider -- most counselors do not view their clients (whether paying or otherwise) as social friends. It's an important line that shouldn't be crossed, especially while the counseling is ongoing. And there's the fact that having colleagues to discuss things that have come up in sessions with clients is vital for counselors. As a professional your bf ought to know that venting to his gf is not an appropriate way to get feedback on his counseling scenarios. The fact that your bf, a supposedly professional and experienced counselor, seems to either not know or has forgotten these things is troubling. Maybe this just started out as a small act of kindness, a favor for a friend of a friend, something like that. But it has gone way too far and for everyone's sake (his, yours, these women's) he needs to put an end to it. Operating in a more formal setting will enable him to erect and maintain appropriate boundaries and will afford him the support he needs as a counselor. If he's unwilling to cease the McDonald's sessions and stop accepting telephone calls at home from these women, I'd suspect there's more here than meets the eye -- and it's probably not good. Good luck

[Miss Mojo]

hi angie,

 

my first thought was "where the hell are his work ethics?". he's counselling at mcdonalds (whaaaat!?), he's sharing confidential stories with you (no offence, but that is unethical). hopefully he doesn't share your personal problems with other people.

 

this situation just doesn't sit right with me. i can't figure out if he's the kind of person who likes to tell *everything* because he wants you to know he can be trusted (i used to be like that, but i was insecure) or if elaborating about these women makes him feel good, because it's his way of letting you know he can still be wanted by a girl.

 

what i feel is it of great concern is that he's gone past the point of the 'counsellor-client' relationship. any professional will tell you that there are lines you just do not cross with patients/clients. as i said before, it is unethical and unprofessional. even though he is not working in a clinical environment, that doesn't excuse his behaviour. he refers to one of his "clients" as as his 'sister', yet he feels he should charge this sisterly-chick for help? this is just so strange. when someone is like a sibling to you, you do not charge for help. you help out of the goodness of your heart, out of concern for that person. dammit, i think i might start charging here for advice! i accept money orders and credit cards. my bank account number is...

 

is there any reason he is not working in a clinical environment? e.g. community health centre, hospital, school, HR? why has he taken it upon himself to offer his services in such an informal way? he's obviously qualified and it's for these reasons that i think something is a little suss here. if he doesn't counsel guys, then i think it is highly probable that there's more to this than he is willing to admit. my question is, what could he possibly be getting out of it by offering strangers free counselling?

 

but again, i could be wrong. maybe he just feels it's his turn to give something back to society.

 

best wishes and don't be afraid to get to the bottom of this.