Guest Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I have been interning at this place for about two months now. I instantly clicked with a man that is married. At first I thought he was just being friendly by visiting with me, assigning me purposeful projects, and giving me "life" advice. Recently, I'm beginning to wonder if he might be looking for a fling... He convinced me into staying at the place I'm interning for full-time employment after my internship by promising there would be opportunities. He is third in line at the place, so I thought he knew something good. He did and didn't lie about what opportunities were opening up, but after visiting with the two above him, I've learned that they wonder about my maturity. An older friend asked the question of why he was really interested in me staying when he knew I was so determined to move closer to my hometown. He has also started the accidental touching thing. Today was especially bad. I've also noticed other co-workers giving us funny glances, but am not sure what they are thinking. One thing I find odd is how we chat non-stop while in our own little world while in meetings he rarely acknowledges me. At first I thought this was professionalism, but he interacts with other female coworkers, but not me. I wonder if the reason he assigns me projects that include me hanging out in his office is to see me more. He does those "little things" that people might start to wonder about, such as bringing me my water when I'm halfway across the building and let it in his office and making sure that I have lunch and don't work through it. I feel like we have a great friendship because we are able to joke with one another, but wonder if there is something else going on with him. What really got me was last week when I walked into his office and he shared something with me, but told me that not many people know that, so to keep it quiet. He rarely mentions his wife. At first, I thought he was since I am not married since I know he talks about her with other people. However, I noticed that when he talks about her with me, it is never positive. I'm just a little confused and don't know how to take this special treatment. Am I just reading into it way too much? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I'm just a little confused and don't know how to take this special treatment. Am I just reading into it way too much? You're not confused. You are not reading too much into this. If it walks like a duck.... You should always follow your gut instinct. Be careful--this is your career. I don't know how to tell you to respond to this treatment, but I think it is definately what you think it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 It's not 'special'. It's the same old sad story. How to take it is that he might be considering lying to his wife and betraying vows. And if people are noticing and talking about it, you can bet it's not the first time he's done something like that, nor will it be the last. You don't need this kind of stuff in your life. Try to keep your distance so he can't touch you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 He has also started the accidental touching thing. Today was especially bad. I've also noticed other co-workers giving us funny glances, but am not sure what they are thinking. One thing I find odd is how we chat non-stop while in our own little world while in meetings he rarely acknowledges me. At first I thought this was professionalism, but he interacts with other female coworkers, but not me. I wonder if the reason he assigns me projects that include me hanging out in his office is to see me more. He does those "little things" that people might start to wonder about, such as bringing me my water when I'm halfway across the building and let it in his office and making sure that I have lunch and don't work through it. I feel like we have a great friendship because we are able to joke with one another, but wonder if there is something else going on with him. What really got me was last week when I walked into his office and he shared something with me, but told me that not many people know that, so to keep it quiet. He rarely mentions his wife. At first, I thought he was since I am not married since I know he talks about her with other people. However, I noticed that when he talks about her with me, it is never positive. I'm just a little confused and don't know how to take this special treatment. Am I just reading into it way too much? Trust your gut. Sounds like he is testing the boundaries and seeing how far he can go with you. What is especially telling is that he treates you differently from other females and that people are starting to notice and talk about it. You know how you can test him? Mention a boyfriend in front of him and see if he looks upset or weirded out by it. That's a sure-fire way to see if he's crossed the emotional line. I'd also start pulling away and being less friendly. If red flags are going up for you, you should heed them Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Thanks guys...that really helps. I think I am going to start not popping in so much and finding other places that I can make calls, do paperwork, etc. I really don't want to do anything that might damage my career. I was just afraid that I was reading too much into it and he was simply acting like the big brother type. Your advice helped to figure out that you can't be too careful when messing with your career. Have a great weekend! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Are you wanting to sleep with him? If you are planning on leaving, that might be the best way to figure out what he feels for you! Put the moves on him and see what happens! If you are leaving and want to know for sure (because from your post, I am still a little unclear), just go for it! Link to post Share on other sites
whattothink Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Are you wanting to sleep with him? If you are planning on leaving, that might be the best way to figure out what he feels for you! Put the moves on him and see what happens! If you are leaving and want to know for sure (because from your post, I am still a little unclear), just go for it! Personally, that is a bad idea!!! I had a similar situation lately and handled it by simply talking with the guy and asking what was up. I wasn't even totally sure what his feelings were for me...this guy seems pretty obvious. DON'T sleep with him...remember, what comes around goes around. That is what I remembered! Link to post Share on other sites
hulali Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 First off, the dude is married. Second off, you're interning to get experience in the workforce. Don't let your feelings or hormones get in the way. I think he's scum because he's married yet he flirts with you. Something is wrong with him upstairs. Don't base your decision to apply for a job there because of him. I think he's just messing with your mind. I would take what the second two people in charge said about your maturity and work on that. Link to post Share on other sites
MsArcadia Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I would be very cautious around him. I think he's looking for an ego boost and using you to prop up his ego. If other people are noticing, they can mis-interpret what's going on- thinking that its worse than it actually is. The guy sounds like trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Content10 Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 You are on the inside, we are on the outside. It is clear what he is wanting. If you want a good reference when you leave this internship and you allow him to continue this "special treatment" then you will not receive it by what the upper two see. They have already said your immature because they see how you interact with him. They see that your lack of professionalism. You have got to put a stop to this immediately. Avoid him like the plague. Good luck to you... Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 A word to the wise: Avoid ANY personal relationships in the workplace. Not just with a married man, but with anyone. If you keep the two separate you will be able to be much more professional at work, and much more fun away from work. Too often employers "rate" us based on our private time as opposed to our professional time. If you never let them into your private life, you have less exposure, more privacy and can better project the image you wish while at work. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I would be very cautious around him. I think he's looking for an ego boost and using you to prop up his ego. If other people are noticing, they can mis-interpret what's going on- thinking that its worse than it actually is. The guy sounds like trouble. I'm the "guest" with the original post: So you think that he might be just strutting his stuff to make him feel desireable? For some reason, I don't think he's happy in his marriage (when he does talk about her, it isn't positive). I wonder if he just wants to feel like he is still want-able. Quick update: This week I couldn't really avoid him a lot since I am completing a project for him. He's still doing the touching thing and during a meeting I caught him staring at me. I caught his gaze and he held it until I looked away. Everyone asks me where he is when they can't find him. I'm only there for two more weeks. He cleared his calendar for my last day, but when I scheduled a meeting with a client for that day, he said "that's the last thing I want to be doing on your last day." He's also started mentioning me as his wingman. If we are in a meeting together, he will always say "we" were checking out some info together, etc. I am kinda starting to think that he just really likes me...as a friend. I'm thinking that he would have tried something more concrete if he were interested in having "relations" with me. Is that a bad assumption??? Thanks again, all...you guys rock! PS For the person that recommended hitting on him...no Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I think he's figured out that you figured out what he was up to and so is regrouping. This whole 'last thing you should do on your last day' is a fair indication, I think, that he's still got ideas of some sort. Link to post Share on other sites
angel915 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 definitely avoid him any way you can and make sure on your last day of work, let him know that you already made plans to have lunch with other co-workers, family, friends,etc... or even after work..do not give him any reason/excuse for both of you to be alone together. he sounds really creepy. i hope it's nothing close to fatal attraction. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 definitely avoid him any way you can and make sure on your last day of work, let him know that you already made plans to have lunch with other co-workers, family, friends,etc... or even after work..do not give him any reason/excuse for both of you to be alone together. he sounds really creepy. i hope it's nothing close to fatal attraction. I haven't seen Fatal Attraction (I'm not the biggest movie fan), but it definitely sounds bad! HAHA! He mentioned going out for a couple of beers after work that night, but I think that several people might be going. If it ends up just being us, I won't go. I want to leave as friends, not as the intern that he had sex with. I mentioned an offer that I had in another town to him. Yesterday and this morning, he was pretty stand-offish to me. He almost completely avoided me after that! It took him having to ask me for an update with my project for him to start talking with me again. I'll admit I was a little hurt, but it also helped me to see what you folks are seeing. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 I haven't seen Fatal Attraction (I'm not the biggest movie fan), but it definitely sounds bad! HAHA! He mentioned going out for a couple of beers after work that night, but I think that several people might be going. If it ends up just being us, I won't go. I want to leave as friends, not as the intern that he had sex with. I mentioned an offer that I had in another town to him. Yesterday and this morning, he was pretty stand-offish to me. He almost completely avoided me after that! It took him having to ask me for an update with my project for him to start talking with me again. I'll admit I was a little hurt, but it also helped me to see what you folks are seeing. He's probably being pissy with you because he won't be able to flirt with you anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 I am almost thinking I want to sleep with him...now that I'm leaving officially. How could I go about doing that??? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I'm wondering if he hit on you when you went out for a beer??? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 You don't. I hope you didn't. It would be an even worse idea. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 You don't. I hope you didn't. It would be an even worse idea. The era of the married guy is over. He was totally hitting on me. Our very first topic of conversation? Affairs. I didn't sleep with him. I couldn't-I would feel terrible. Luckily the boss called him and wanted to come get a drink too since it was my last day. He showed up towards the end, thank goodness. Married guy was laying it on pretty thick! After drinks with them, I went out with a fellow co-worker who is the same age as me. This person told me that he wondered all along with something was going on between us because married guy treated me totally different than any other co-workers. I could honestly tell him no! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Whats the problem? He likes to flirt, he's attracted to u! Do u like him? So what if he's married, if u like him as well go for it. "Don't let anyone stand in your way." Maybe u'll feel guilty but it'd be worth it at the end. Do u feel like u don't want this situation to happen? What will u look forward to at work. I bet u try to look your best, thinking to yourself I hope he likes how I look. I've been there done that. No regrets. Enjoy it, a little crush never hurt anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Whats the problem? He likes to flirt, he's attracted to u! Do u like him? So what if he's married, if u like him as well go for it. "Don't let anyone stand in your way." Maybe u'll feel guilty but it'd be worth it at the end. Do u feel like u don't want this situation to happen? What will u look forward to at work. I bet u try to look your best, thinking to yourself I hope he likes how I look. I've been there done that. No regrets. Enjoy it, a little crush never hurt anyone. Well, I don't work there anymore. But, yes, I'm totally attracted to him. It's weird too because he's totally not my "type," whatever that means. We've been emailing back and forth and he has again offered to entertain me when I'm back in town (I moved two and a half hours away). It's just getting to sleeping with him point that is difficult now. Through emails I can tell we are both attracted to each other (and through interactions at work). As of now, I'm not there, so it's hard. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 Well, I don't work there anymore. But, yes, I'm totally attracted to him. It's weird too because he's totally not my "type," whatever that means. We've been emailing back and forth and he has again offered to entertain me when I'm back in town (I moved two and a half hours away). It's just getting to sleeping with him point that is difficult now. Through emails I can tell we are both attracted to each other (and through interactions at work). As of now, I'm not there, so it's hard. Okay, so he called me the other night after a series of rather flirty emails... it was great to hear his voice! I think this totally confirms that he was interested in me. I don't really understand why a married guy would be so interested in calling a former intern, especially after a series of that kind of flirtiness (if that is a word). Link to post Share on other sites
MsArcadia Posted August 6, 2006 Share Posted August 6, 2006 Okay, so he called me the other night after a series of rather flirty emails... it was great to hear his voice! I think this totally confirms that he was interested in me. I don't really understand why a married guy would be so interested in calling a former intern, especially after a series of that kind of flirtiness (if that is a word). Sounds like its been fun flirting and contacting each other. It has to be exciting in a lot of ways. There's a saying that goes "be careful what you wish for-you just may get it". No matter how exciting it gets- he's still married. You should consider if you REALLY want to go that route. Is the attention on either side worth it should his wife find out. What he says about his wife and what goes on might be two totally different things. I'd be very cautious. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted September 1, 2006 Share Posted September 1, 2006 Sounds like its been fun flirting and contacting each other. It has to be exciting in a lot of ways. There's a saying that goes "be careful what you wish for-you just may get it". No matter how exciting it gets- he's still married. You should consider if you REALLY want to go that route. Is the attention on either side worth it should his wife find out. What he says about his wife and what goes on might be two totally different things. I'd be very cautious. I spoke with this MM casually the other night. He called and said that he missed me bossing him around and that's it different without me brightening up his day. He said that she's been a lot more tense lately and that his wife noticed it. Then he added that he doesn't think she's be very comfortable knowing that we still talk. We went on to talk about other things for a while, ya know, updating each other on life. He ended the conversation with, "I'll try to talk to you again soon but my wife is keeping a tight hold on me." Odd, huh? I almost wonder if it was just some kind of an emotional affair! Link to post Share on other sites
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