a4a Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 It's not about checking up on me or any kind of trust issues. It is very simple, she just has no friends and has beome totally reliant on me to entertain her. And I love that she wants to hang out with me and be involved in the things I do but at some point couples still need to have their space. Not because they are tired of being with their spouse all the time but I think it is much like a parent needing to be around some adults after spending all day with kids. You just need some other stimulation, other point of views, down time, time to think, time to relax, time to miss your spouse. I guess the problem lies in the fact that I can never do anything for myself that I have to consider what about her, what will she do if I go do this or that. Which I guess you are always suppose to consider the spouse in your decision making but I don't think you should feel guilty because they don't have any options and don't seem to make an effort to have their own things to do. Hey if you confess to her that you sniffed her sisters panties I bet she will give you some alone time!! :lmao: :eek: Link to post Share on other sites
Author TUDOR Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Hey if you confess to her that you sniffed her sisters panties I bet she will give you some alone time!! :lmao: :eek: I'm never going to live that one down am I? For the record that was still in the dating phase and we weren't married yet. LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I don't think any woman "LIKES" to check up on their spouse. If they do its maybe because they feel the have reason too. Even then its not a "LIKE". Unless the OP indicated thats was why and that he was doing something he shouldn't, then I wouldn't assume thats why she wanted to go. Sorry JackJack but some women do this and yes most of the time it is because they have a reason !! Not saying that is the reason she is wanting to go. She could be interested in going . Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Could be that she is now finished with school and has more time on her hands... Does she read? Do puzzles? Something that keeps her occupied and stimulates the brain a bit? I mention these things because they can be done alone and still accomplish mental stimulation without needing a partner around... Send her to cooking classes - you will both benefit from that! I am a fabulous cook and still go on occasion to get new recipe ideas for something that needs to be done everyday! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I'm never going to live that one down am I? For the record that was still in the dating phase and we weren't married yet. LOL Ohh Tudor like I said I think it is freakishly cute :love: You got about 6 more weeks of hearing about it from me. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Sorry JackJack but some women do this and yes most of the time it is because they have a reason !! Not saying that is the reason she is wanting to go. She could be interested in going . What part do you not get? I never said some women don't check up, I said women who do check up don't usually "LIKE" it, you said they "LIKE" to check up on them. I also said if they do check its probably because they have reason. I clarified that in my other post. Please read it better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TUDOR Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Could be that she is now finished with school and has more time on her hands... Does she read? Do puzzles? Something that keeps her occupied and stimulates the brain a bit? I mention these things because they can be done alone and still accomplish mental stimulation without needing a partner around... Send her to cooking classes - you will both benefit from that! I am a fabulous cook and still go on occasion to get new recipe ideas for something that needs to be done everyday! All good suggestions which I have suggested myself....everything from cooking lessons, dance lessons, sending her to the spa, sending her shopping, etc, etc. With the exception of the spa she wants me to go with her to those things. Argggg Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 It's not about checking up on me or any kind of trust issues. It is very simple, she just has no friends and has beome totally reliant on me to entertain her. And I love that she wants to hang out with me and be involved in the things I do but at some point couples still need to have their space. Not because they are tired of being with their spouse all the time but I think it is much like a parent needing to be around some adults after spending all day with kids. You just need some other stimulation, other point of views, down time, time to think, time to relax, time to miss your spouse. I guess the problem lies in the fact that I can never do anything for myself that I have to consider what about her, what will she do if I go do this or that. Which I guess you are always suppose to consider the spouse in your decision making but I don't think you should feel guilty because they don't have any options and don't seem to make an effort to have their own things to do. I don't think you should feel guilty about going out or worry what she will do. She is an adult and can entertain herself. If I go out with my SO of course I tell him about it but I don't worry about him. He can find things to do. Hell I even go away for 4 day weekends with out him, No worries. Link to post Share on other sites
basscatcher Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 So who out there feels as though they have to entertain their s/o. Maybe they don't have many friends so they have latched on to your's, maybe because they dont' have any friends they feel the need to be your shadow. *Tudor raises hand* arggggg where's my scotch? Oh Hell no... When I have a partner I like to do lots of things with him but there are some things I just leave the boys too and Golf is one of them. Video games is another. Hunting is another, Working on cars is another (unless I want to learn how to do something specifically I know he is working on. Then I observe.) I don't tag along to the liquor store or auto store unless he asks me too or its something we are doing together for together stuff... But if its fishing--hell no--he better not even think about Not asking me or I'll be pissed as hell.. I don't approve of going to bars without each other either unless its a occassional guys night out because of a bday or grooms nite out. (even then meeting up later in the evening before the club closes is a good thing..). There has to be space. How boring to drive a Golf cart around watching men try to hit a little dimpled ball into a little hole yards away. Boring... I'd rather play with his little dimpled balls and see if he can hit the hole himself.. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Tudor I think maybe shes just wanting to connect with you a little better by going and doing something with you that you enjoy. Has she always been like that, where she wants to do things with you that you like, or is this something she recently started? Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 It's not about checking up on me or any kind of trust issues. It is very simple, she just has no friends and has beome totally reliant on me to entertain her. And I love that she wants to hang out with me and be involved in the things I do but at some point couples still need to have their space. Not because they are tired of being with their spouse all the time but I think it is much like a parent needing to be around some adults after spending all day with kids. You just need some other stimulation, other point of views, down time, time to think, time to relax, time to miss your spouse. I guess the problem lies in the fact that I can never do anything for myself that I have to consider what about her, what will she do if I go do this or that. Which I guess you are always suppose to consider the spouse in your decision making but I don't think you should feel guilty because they don't have any options and don't seem to make an effort to have their own things to do. Hey Tudor since your wife don't want to be sent to the spa and shopping . Can i go in her place !! LOL Link to post Share on other sites
hotgurl Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 maybe when you say have a guy nghts out you then make a special date with her another night. Like go golfing with the boys Sat & Sunday take her to an art museum or wine tasting. That way she gets quality couple time with you that's planned and you get the day out alone. Maybe she just wants a break in the routin or a little more effort. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Tudor I think maybe shes just wanting to connect with you a little better by going and doing something with you that you enjoy. Has she always been like that, where she wants to do things with you that you like, or is this something she recently started? I think Dr. JackJack is on to something here Tudor.... time for you to have a little chat with the wife???? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TUDOR Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Oh Hell no... When I have a partner I like to do lots of things with him but there are some things I just leave the boys too and Golf is one of them. Video games is another. Hunting is another, Working on cars is another (unless I want to learn how to do something specifically I know he is working on. Then I observe.) I don't tag along to the liquor store or auto store unless he asks me too or its something we are doing together for together stuff... But if its fishing--hell no--he better not even think about Not asking me or I'll be pissed as hell.. I don't approve of going to bars without each other either unless its a occassional guys night out because of a bday or grooms nite out. (even then meeting up later in the evening before the club closes is a good thing..). There has to be space. How boring to drive a Golf cart around watching men try to hit a little dimpled ball into a little hole yards away. Boring... I'd rather play with his little dimpled balls and see if he can hit the hole himself.. Ok, now that is the kind of golf I want to play with her! Love the way you think. And don't even get me started on hunting. That use to be one of my guy things, then she wanted to tag along one time so I let her. She decided she liked it and my dad thought that was adorable and proceeded to start buying her guns so she could go bird hunting and deer hunting with us. Now she has as many guns as me and newer ones to boot! I'm ok with because she does seem to enjoy it. Its fun doing things with a spouse you both enjoy. But to tag along on things you don't even like or play...for instance golf just for the sake of not being home bored, that is where my concerns lie. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TUDOR Posted June 29, 2006 Author Share Posted June 29, 2006 Tudor I think maybe shes just wanting to connect with you a little better by going and doing something with you that you enjoy. Has she always been like that, where she wants to do things with you that you like, or is this something she recently started? I think there is something to this to a degree. But when we first got together this was one of the most independant, onery woman I had met. I loved that she wanted to be with me and didn't need me. She has her own money, good career, smart as a whip, attractive, etc. But some where along the way I feel as though she became more about us and forgets about her. Which is awesome that she loves me that way but I miss the independant her and I'm not sure why that seems to have gone away. Link to post Share on other sites
Sassy Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I think there is something to this to a degree. But when we first got together this was one of the most independant, onery woman I had met. I loved that she wanted to be with me and didn't need me. She has her own money, good career, smart as a whip, attractive, etc. But some where along the way I feel as though she became more about us and forgets about her. Which is awesome that she loves me that way but I miss the independant her and I'm not sure why that seems to have gone away. Tudor seems that she has lost who she is ! We are married but doesn't mean that we lose ourselves as individuals. Sometimes that happens . We are wives ,mothers and lose what we was before all that. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I think there is something to this to a degree. But when we first got together this was one of the most independant, onery woman I had met. I loved that she wanted to be with me and didn't need me. She has her own money, good career, smart as a whip, attractive, etc. But some where along the way I feel as though she became more about us and forgets about her. Which is awesome that she loves me that way but I miss the independant her and I'm not sure why that seems to have gone away. Pure speculation here, but maybe she started to do this becasue she feels something is missing, or slipping away from her in the marriage. Therefore she wants to do things with you more, although I'm not sure if thats the case or not. Have you point blank asked her why she wants to go along? I don't mean to ask her in a mean or ugly way, but just say something along the lines of, "Sure hun you can go golfing with me, have you become interested in golf?" Or something along those lines and see what her answer is, just a thought. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 If you get her pregnant she would NEVER have time for you - once the baby comes along... Just Kidding! :laugh: Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 What was (or is) her parents' relationship like? Is it possible that she thinks this is the way you're 'supposed' to be in a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Oh Tudor - I've been there too. I think a lot of couples go through that. I moved 1500 miles away from my friends so I also befrinded all of hubby's friends and used to tag along ALL the time! In my mind I was trying to be close and supportive - in his mind, well you know what was in his mind! Give her some time, be gentle, tell her you just need some 'guy' time or 'alone' time so that you can be fresh for her and able to focus on her when together. After she leaves you alone for your own outing and you are refreshed - take her shoe shopping the next weekend and smile a lot as a 'reward'. It worked for my husband! Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Send her my way T , god knows I could use a girls night out. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 It's not about checking up on me or any kind of trust issues. It is very simple, she just has no friends and has beome totally reliant on me to entertain her. And I love that she wants to hang out with me and be involved in the things I do but at some point couples still need to have their space. Can you talk to her about this? Don't accuse her or make her feel bad (not that you would) but encourage her to do things she likes to do. Hobbies, photography, horseback riding (horses, not you! Yeah I know how that mind of yours works...) or even taking a fun course! I believe that couples have to have things they do on their own, it's not fair for either spouse to have to entertain eachother 24/7. It's good to do things apart, gives you time to actually miss eachother. But when we first got together this was one of the most independant, onery woman I had met. I loved that she wanted to be with me and didn't need me. She has her own money, good career, smart as a whip, attractive, etc. But some where along the way I feel as though she became more about us and forgets about her. Which is awesome that she loves me that way but I miss the independant her and I'm not sure why that seems to have gone away. Remind her of that, who she was before you both settled into married life, in the earlier years...But in a gentle, loving way. Maybe she also needs to re-connect with some childhood friends. Or close girlfriends that don't live nearby. Can I ask? How comfy is she with meeting new people? Are you both friendly with any of your neighbours? But to tag along on things you don't even like or play...for instance golf just for the sake of not being home bored, that is where my concerns lie. It should be a concern, so talk to her. If the situation was reversed, I'm sure she would be feeling the same way you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
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