Confused

[Left hangin]

OK, here's the situation. I'm a guy in my early 20's. I really like this girl. She and I are just friends. I like her as more than friends and tried to persure this. She says that she doesn't "think of me like that", which I was cool with and our friendship was great.

 

Then this past weekend, i hung out with her like everyday. One day we went to her friend's boyfriend's house and I went with her. The next day she came over my house. We hung out. Then started goofing around.

 

We had a pillow fight (yes, i'm really in my 20's) and then I gave her a massage. When i was finished she gave me a massage, she was straddling my back, then started tickling me. So I turned over, and there she was, sitting right on my crotch...it wasn't like "friends" anymore. I wanted to kiss her so bad, but since she already denied being more than friends before, i didn't. She's not a real sexual person, so that's why it threw me off.

 

I mean, I got aroused and she didn't even get up. Wouldnt it like gross her out if she didn't think of me like that at all?

 

I'm just really confused. When we were together those two days, it was like we were boyriend and girlfriend more than just friends. I love her, she's probably my best friend.

 

I was just wondering what all of you thought of this. I can't believe she doesn't feel anything for me in that way. Some of my friends say I should just let things happen naturally.

[Tony T]

In situations where the girl thinks of a guy only as a friend, there are usually a few short windows of opportunity where she would be open to either upgrading the relationship or at least having a sexual encounter.

 

You missed this window but there will be another. Be ready to identify it and then go for it.

 

I don't know why this is but it just seems like it's the way it works. If you're such good friends with her, why don't you ask her what that whole thing was all about.

 

If there is no chance of this ever going anywhere romantically, you are nuts for hanging around her. It's absolutely fraud to represent yourself as a lady's good friend when you really want a whole lot more. It's also doing a major head job on yourself and robbing you of time you could use to find a nice romance.

 

Get your act together soon.

[midori]

Waaay back when I was in my early twenties (sigh), I was not very sexually experienced, shy about sexual matters because of my relative inexperience, and quite naive overall. But not so naive as to get into a pillow fight and then straddle and tickle a guy I wasn't attracted to! And no way would I, even at my most clueless, have remained on top of an aroused man if I wasn't hoping something would happen -- even if I wasn't sure what exactly I was hoping for.

 

My guess: she wanted something to happen but wasn't prepared to take the lead in any way. Guys might have a hard time believing this but there are lots of young women (and probably more mature women) who aren't very confident of their attractiveness, even when confronted with *hard* proof .

 

My advice: Call her up and ask her out to dinner. A nice dinner, an unmistakably date-ish dinner. Don't make a big production out of it. Just see what happens.

 

Good luck!

[Miss Mojo]

whew!!! if i wound up "accidentally" straddling one of my close male friends, i sure as hell wouldn't stay there to talk about the first thing that pops up. not because i find my males friends grose (they are really lovely people), but it would almost feel incestuous. when there is no attraction, and you end up in a postion like that, you usually find you can move away faster than you thought.

 

on the other hand, if i was attracted to one of my male friends and something like that happened, i'd probably take it as the perfect opportunity to sneak in a little pash. i might not make the first move, but it is an opportunity nonetheless. of course, there's always the possibility that her lack of sexual experience and the fact that you were somewhat aroused took her by surprise and she didn't know how to react. she could be shy about making the first move.

 

perhaps it would be best for now to just see where things are headed. go somewhere nice - just the two of you - and see how she responds to you. if you're still confused about where you stand, then by all means, ask her.

 

good luck let us know how things turn out

[Left hangin]

whew!!! if i wound up "accidentally" straddling one of my close male friends, i sure as hell wouldn't stay there to talk about the first thing that pops up. not because i find my males friends grose (they are really lovely people), but it would almost feel incestuous. when there is no attraction, and you end up in a postion like that, you usually find you can move away faster than you thought. on the other hand, if i was attracted to one of my male friends and something like that happened, i'd probably take it as the perfect opportunity to sneak in a little pash. i might not make the first move, but it is an opportunity nonetheless. of course, there's always the possibility that her lack of sexual experience and the fact that you were somewhat aroused took her by surprise and she didn't know how to react. she could be shy about making the first move. perhaps it would be best for now to just see where things are headed. go somewhere nice - just the two of you - and see how she responds to you. if you're still confused about where you stand, then by all means, ask her. good luck let us know how things turn out

That's the thing, if I ask her where I stand, I'm almost positive she'll say we're just friends. That's why it's so confusing. Like I saw her today and we acted like friends. It seems like for some reason she doesn't want to be with me, for some other motive. Maybe she doesn't want to lose my friendship or something. I don't know...cause she thinks about me like when I'm not around. She was like "i was gonna write you a note in class". I mean, why is she thinking about me in class? She also bought me a gift last week, just "because" and to thank me for being a good friend.

 

I didn't want to kiss her, cause I wasn't sure how'd she'd react. I thought it'd be best if I get her used to the idea of she and I being like that with one another first. So its not so weird. I don't know. I was just curious as to what everyone though....i'll keep you guys posted if anything new developes.

[Carrie]

This girl is teasing you. She loves the fact that you like her, she knows it and she's playing up to it. It's not necessarily a bad thing, because you've gotten her to start thinking about a possiblity of something with you, which she may have never thought about before. If you totally back off and act like you're accepting the friendship, and maybe even start calling her less, you will totally peak her interest and ignite feelings in her that she didn't even know was there. She'll even start to miss you if you're not around and so available all the time. You obviously don't repulse her and it sounds as if she could be attracted to you. If she really was turned off or the thought of dating you repulsed her, she would back off from you and totally avoid you.

 

I hope it works out.

[Left hangin]

This girl is not like that. I don't know it's so hard to explain. I'm not the kind of guy that bends over backwards for some girl, I'm not sure I ever will be. I do stuff for her, she does stuff for me.

 

Our friendship started out when she was taken and then we were both taken. Then around winter time last year, we were both freshly broken up and we hung out. We went to parties together. I don't know if it was dating or not, but we hung out together. I remember we were chillin on the couch together at a party, listenin to the music. We were holding hands. Our heads were close together, i got one of those feelings that she wanted me to kiss her (you know?), but I didn't...i chickened out. I later asked her if she wanted me to kiss her that night. She was like "it would've been weird". Soon after that...she got back together with her ex, we remained friends and now she's single again.

 

As for calling her less. I rarely call her now. I talk to her at school and online, that's mostly it. But if I don't talk to her online for a couple days, i'm pretty sure she'd call me.

 

I was thinking of talking to her less, to let her think or whatever. But I don't know...we're friends, I want to be a good friend.

 

Anyways, Im going out with someone tonight, so I'm not gonna just sit around and wait to see what happens. Talk to y'all later.