Guest Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 I am a 36 year old woman and have been the victim of my mothers controll all my life. I have worked with her for 18 years in the kitchen design business. 3 years ago, she opened her own showroom, so now I work "for" her. I am her office girl, her design assistant and her sales person. I am the only one who works for her in this multi-million dollar business. I am quite overwhelmed and day after day I deal with her criticizing, correcting, disagreeing and her selfish "knows all" attitude. She bitches about everyone and everything everyday. She has no real friends and her family feels the same way about her. AND SHE HAS NO CLUE! She seems to feel that since she gives me a paycheck, she can dictate my life entirely. To the point that , on my lunch hour, I cannot buy something at the grocery store that is for something else other than my lunch, since it's on "her time". Even if I'm walking by the item. This is ONLY a small example. I cannot stand up for myself with her or she takes it as I've got it out for her. I dream about knocking her lights out! Not one thing in my life, does she respect me for and I'm a successful, likable, intelligent person. How do I seperate my mind from the abuse and continue with my work, without losing my mind?! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Is there any way to get a similar job where you don't work with your mother? Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 maybe you OUGHT to pop her one good – it's something she'll never expect, and it'd make a strong point that you're not some emotionless puppet she controls ... otherwise, tell her to mind her own damned beeswax. She might be your mom, and she might be your employer, but she has no right to believe that she can stick her hand up your ass and control you. Make a stand, but be aware that she's got the power to make your life miserable if you stick around her employ much longer. Link to post Share on other sites
Same Story Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Hi, I too have a very controlling mother. When I was a kid, she called the parents of every kid I was ever friends with in order to destroy the relationship with me and that child that is only the beginning of it. 20 years ago she started a business which she did very badly because of her bad business decisions and spending issues. For twenty years she made hundreds of mistakes but would not let anyone help her in the business. Instead she borrowed money from us (her children) My 22 year old brother gives her money on a daily basis, she owes him almost $10,000 already. When I was 19, she bought a condo in my name and had me sign for a $100,000 credit line. She wasn't able to pay for it and I had to destroy my perfect young credit forever. I had to declare Bankruptcy. She has destroyed my confidence in the ability to get a job outside of the area. Finally she left for her homeland for two months and left me in charge of her business. In a mere six weeks I made over $30,000... When she came back my family convinced her to let me take over the business. She did so, but criticized me constantly. She never let me take over the financial part of the business, and is now remodeling her house with that money. I make around $1000 a month. Now that the business is successful she has become very jealous and is now trying to take over again. Whenever I try to leave she emotionally blackmails me or tries to give me gifts, these are all signs on an emotionally abusive person. I love my mother, but I have made the decision to leave. She has promised me $3000 which I am now waiting for to start my new life. So far I have made a profit of over $200,000 for the company. But regardless I have realized that I would rather leave her emotional bondage then stay with her. Some part of me realizes that she has to make a life outside of me. I suggest you do the same, this took me 26 years to do, but I believe it will be worth it. Good Luck. Like You, moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Cut her loose. You'll just be in for more of the same if you stick around. Let her abuse someone else. Just because you're related doesn't mean you have to like her, love her or have anything to do with her. She's just an extremely toxic person and she's ruling your life. She doesn't deserve that much power and control over you. If you were simply an employee she'd be liable for major sanctions under the law for that kind of treatment. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 I am a 36 year old woman and have been the victim of my mothers controll all my life. I have worked with her for 18 years in the kitchen design business. 3 years ago, she opened her own showroom, so now I work "for" her. I am her office girl, her design assistant and her sales person. I am the only one who works for her in this multi-million dollar business. I am quite overwhelmed and day after day I deal with her criticizing, correcting, disagreeing and her selfish "knows all" attitude. She bitches about everyone and everything everyday. She has no real friends and her family feels the same way about her. AND SHE HAS NO CLUE! She seems to feel that since she gives me a paycheck, she can dictate my life entirely. To the point that , on my lunch hour, I cannot buy something at the grocery store that is for something else other than my lunch, since it's on "her time". Even if I'm walking by the item. This is ONLY a small example. I cannot stand up for myself with her or she takes it as I've got it out for her. I dream about knocking her lights out! Not one thing in my life, does she respect me for and I'm a successful, likable, intelligent person. How do I seperate my mind from the abuse and continue with my work, without losing my mind?! Hey, I know how you feel. Since the age of 6 years old I've been working for my mother. She started her business and I became her secretary. I will admit I learned valuable secrets but everytime we get into a disagreement she always brings up the fact that she could have had a million dollar business if she didn't leave the firm. Now she is saying she wasted 18/19 years of her life by having me. That's her when she's really pissed off. I started college when I was 16 and I did that and high school at the same time which totally killed me. I'm pretty sure having 6 panick attacks a week is a good thing. Well yesturday I got my "mini degree" its basically a certificate because I completed a couple of required classes which were difficult. All she did was clap and said "I'm sure they would take that back if they found out you got a D in accounting". For that moment all the joy and happiness went out the work. Now it's just a peice of paper that means nothing to me. No matter what I do it isn't good enough. My friends she calls losers and she screams at me for 2 hours straight everytime I go to hang out with them. Of course all my life she's verbally abused me surprisingly I don't have a low self esteem. God forbid if I confront her because then I will never hear the end of it. At the moment I'm looking for a different job and then I plan to save up enough money to move out. I'm surprised my father has actually stayed with her for as long as he has. Well that is my rant. Good luck to you and my advice is get away from your mom. I know its rough but if you want to have some happiness in your life just walk away and live your life. Shelly Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 7, 2006 Share Posted August 7, 2006 I am a 36 year old woman and have been the victim of my mothers controll all my life. I have worked with her for 18 years in the kitchen design business. 3 years ago, she opened her own showroom, so now I work "for" her. I am her office girl, her design assistant and her sales person. I am the only one who works for her in this multi-million dollar business. I am quite overwhelmed and day after day I deal with her criticizing, correcting, disagreeing and her selfish "knows all" attitude. She bitches about everyone and everything everyday. She has no real friends and her family feels the same way about her. AND SHE HAS NO CLUE! She seems to feel that since she gives me a paycheck, she can dictate my life entirely. To the point that , on my lunch hour, I cannot buy something at the grocery store that is for something else other than my lunch, since it's on "her time". Even if I'm walking by the item. This is ONLY a small example. I cannot stand up for myself with her or she takes it as I've got it out for her. I dream about knocking her lights out! Not one thing in my life, does she respect me for and I'm a successful, likable, intelligent person. How do I seperate my mind from the abuse and continue with my work, without losing my mind?! I'm not religious but here's something I learned. Just because she's your mother you must respect her but you don't have to like her. Also no one should have to take abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 I looked up these personality disorders; do any of you think it pertains to your controlling mothers; they may actually suffer from Dependent pesonality disorder or borderline personality disorder. <EXTERNAL LINKS DELETED> I too have a controlling mother and would strongly advise someone in the same situation to flee; realize that this person will not change because they do not think anything is wrong. For those of you who have been around these types of people. realize it is emotional and mental abuse and even if you ever get out seek counseling so you won't one day re enact the same behavior to someone you cherish and limit your contact with this behavior or could fall into a deep depression like I did. It is very hard to come out. Be safe and be blessed ~~~From someone who knows firsthand~~~ Link to post Share on other sites
CardPlay3r Posted November 29, 2006 Share Posted November 29, 2006 Wow that is so messed up...your mother treating you as an employee hell even worse...multi million dollar business and you get a paycheck? LOL Look "Guest"...why are you putting up with it? Time to pack the bags and leave her in the dust, if you are educated and intelligent you can have your own career, and stop putting yourself through abuse. I'd say cut all contact with her, for ever. Link to post Share on other sites
coco_milkshake Posted December 1, 2006 Share Posted December 1, 2006 Hi there! You are 36 years old, she needs to stop treating you like this and start respecting you like an adult. I can understand your helplessness since I too have a controlling mother so it will sound funny coming from me to say that you should stand up to her - not as easy as it sounds right?? Well you can always try and look for another job so you will not be working for her - do it secretly, do not let her know you are doing this so this way you are still earning some money but looking elsewhere. Do you live with her or do you have your own place?? If you can, find a job in a different town or city, a little distance will do you some good and that way you can have your own personal space and maybe your mum will start to value more and maybe start treating you with respect. Howver if she starts to treat you worse after finding another job then I suggest not keeping in contact with her. Take care Coco Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts