babymama Posted June 29, 2006 Share Posted June 29, 2006 Me and my husband have one child and other on the way. Are sex life before are first child was great but once we had the baby it changed a little. We worked it out and ended up moving in togehther first. After living together for sometime we had decide to get married. SO when did 2 months after getting married i had found out that i was pregnant with are second kid. Well as always we started having alot of problems. Sex went back to not being so great to being okay. After being married for 3 months he thought it would be best to move so we did. We moved to NC. But every since we moved here all we do is fight. We barely have sex at all and when we do i half of the time don't enjoy it. Now all he does is watch porn on TV. So i spoke to him about it and how it buggs me so i had blocked all the channels. Sex went to fair. But now that we have internet his spends almost all his time watching porn on line. So i stop having sex with him again. I don't even want to anymore. I'm 6 months pergnant and i get no help from him at all. I cook, clean, run around with my 3yr all over me or in my arms, and all he does is go to work come home and watch porn all day and jerk-off and goes to sleep. I never get a break. I'm I wrong for feeling like this. Everything is always his way.Everything he wants he gets and i get nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 Time to see a marriage counsellor. Someone needs to speak to you both. Link to post Share on other sites
Xed Posted June 30, 2006 Share Posted June 30, 2006 [Am] I wrong for feeling like this [?]. Everything is always his way.Everything he wants he gets and i get nothing. No, babymama, you're not wrong for feeling like this. Being a father and a husband requires sacrifice and commitment; so far, it sounds like your husband hasn't quite gotten used to that idea. I agree that the main thing to do now is for both of you to get counseling right away, even if it's just from the minister at a local church. For what it's worth, it's quite common for sexual closeness to wax and wane in the course of a marriage. I've been married for 19 years. Some of that time we had sex two or three times a year; other times 2 or 3 times a week (and once or twice, 2 or 3 times a day). There's no way for a couple to go through life together with their sexual appetites tuned to the same station exactly. That's why marriage is a commitment for the long term. In the marriage vows, after they say "in health and in sickness," they ought to say "in lust and in lack of lust." In times when the lust factor hasn't been great, I've come to appreciate my wife as a friend and companion. When the lust comes back, it makes our relationship all the richer. I turned to porn during one of those 2 to 3 times a year phases. Through the help of a wise friend I met online, I realized that porn was leading me to drift slowly away from my wife. I made a decision that I would put more effort into getting sexually closer to my wife. It was a little awkward and difficult at first, but eventually it really paid off and made our marriage much closer, and much stronger, too. Sometimes my wife and I have sex even when we're too harried to really be into it or even all that interested. It's not the greatest sex in the world, but we feel better -- we feel closer -- afterwards. For us, sex is the "glue" in our marriage; it keeps us close. Sometime when your husband is into the porn, perhaps you might want to try turning the tables and just ask him for sex, even if you don't really want to. Tell him you *need* sex from him. See how he responds. (But if this idea strikes you as really the wrong thing to do, go with your gut instincts on it.) Keep in mind, though, that once you have children, they are just as important to you and your husband as you are to each other. Neither of you should have to sacrifice your sex lives in order to raise children, but neither can sex be quite as central as it once was. Life gets complicated, gets real. That's just the way it is. Hope you can find some good help, and hope that you'll run into a touch of grace, of good karma, to help get you through. Xed Link to post Share on other sites
Author babymama Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 Well now that i thought my marriage couldn't get any worse i was wrong. After I had posted "My Marriage and Sex Life Sucks" . I have tried to take the advise I was given with was to go to help with my marry. Well little did I know that I was going to get things worse. As I stated I am Now 6 months pregnant and i had just found out that my husband had given a (HPV) in other words he gave me a (STD). After all these years we have been together and after a the lies, games, and abuse i have put up with him I don't know what to do now. He tells me his sorry everyday. He buys me flowers every single day but, it's like the more I look at him the more i want to leave him. I'm talking about the father of my two kids the love of my life the man that i married. Even though (HPV) is treatable I just don't know what other lies or secrets he is keeping from me. I am so lost and confused. So I had decide to post this hopeing to get help or even advise on what should I did. I can't sleep right I can't even look at myself in the mirror knowing that i have (STD) that my husband has given me. I have thought of suicide when i first got the news but then I think of my two kids and it leaves my head. Please help me. Link to post Share on other sites
JackJack Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 I am so lost and confused. So I had decide to post this hopeing to get help or even advise on what should I did. I can't sleep right I can't even look at myself in the mirror knowing that i have (STD) that my husband has given me. I have thought of suicide when i first got the news but then I think of my two kids and it leaves my head. Please help me First of all please know this is not your fault. HE gave you the STD, you didn't get it on your own doings. Also please contact a suicide hotline if you are having these feelings. Remember the child you have and the one on the way. Hang in there! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Hey it may have been the wake up cal he needed. Guys are primarily stupid when it comes to what a woman wants. I'm guy and i have been stupid as well. Even when you in front of him with something sexy on or try to entice him into bed, u probably think he doesnt really want to. been there. there are a couple of things you both will need to work on. Communication dear. Its not you talking to him necessarily but its how u guys communicate. You both are overwhelmed and it wil take you sometime, but trust me guys are trainable. if all he hears is you naging because he is a lame ass at times ( which sounds very true ) He will begin to rebel against what you say and become more and more like he already is. Try this, speak softly, use gentle words, even when he is upset, use gentle words and soon he will listen. thats al i need from my wife was gentle words. Only thing is i never got it until after she broke off her affair lol. But you may want to change ur approach and not try to change him. He wil change, but he will have to have u to help him and he has to think its his own idea. My marriage went through something similar and at one time I was like he is. I knew something was wrong in the marriage and i was determined to change the way it was goin. Not by changing her, but by changing myself and the way i approached things and treated her. well after i make the changes, i find out she has had an affair, something from having multiple partners ( vaginitis ) adn thought i was goin to literally die. Well, its only 2 months form me finding out and 3 months from her ending her affair, and i must say... our marriage is the best it has been since we met a long time ago. things are still very hard for me, but things are very much better. Keep faith and if you love him, do things with a different approach and i hope he is smart enough to see the light. Good Luck ! Link to post Share on other sites
Xed Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 As I stated I am Now 6 months pregnant and i had just found out that my husband had given a (HPV) in other words he gave me a (STD). I can't sleep right I can't even look at myself in the mirror knowing that i have (STD) that my husband has given me. I have thought of suicide when i first got the news but then I think of my two kids and it leaves my head. Please help me. babymama, for what it's worth, HPV is very, very common. At one point, we discovered my wife had it. She had several sexual partners before we married, but none of them were skanky. I had sex with a few sexual partners -- it's possible I got it from one of them and passed it on to her. If you have sex with other people, getting HPV is a risk. As far as STDs go, HPV is the mildest. It's milder even than herpes. Definitely not worth suicide for! Even though (HPV) is treatable I just don't know what other lies or secrets he is keeping from me. HPV is so common that it can be contracted and passed on without any "secrets" going on. That's certainly how it was with my wife and me. My understanding is that men can carry it for years without being symptomatic. It's possible he contracted it long ago under relatively innocent circumstances. So, IMO, I don't think you can draw the conclusion from HPV alone that he's keeping secrets or lies from you. (If he had given you a more serious infection, like gonorrhea, I'd say, yeah, the chances are good that he's keeping something from you.) So, please, try not to focus on the HPV so much. There's a good chance that his passing it to you was not the result of sleeping with someone else recently. That said, there are other things you've described, like his use of porn, that suggest he may be keeping secrets from you. And that's the real problem here: you feel you can't trust him. It's a real issue both of you have to deal with. If you approach him in a one-sided way, like, "So what *else* have you been keeping from me?" he's likely to be defensive. You might want to suggest to him that, hey, we've reached the point where we really need to tell each other all of our deepest, darkest secrets, to be more honest with each other than we've ever been. (My wife and I did this when our relationship started to get serious to the point of thinking about marriage, and it was very useful to get it all out on the table.) Hope this is helpful. Wishing you peace, grace, and hope, babymama. Take care. Xed Link to post Share on other sites
theantibarbie23 Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 As far as STDs go, HPV is the mildest. It's milder even than herpes. Just as a heads up, HPV can cause cervical cancer in women. Studies also suggest that HPVs may play a role in cancers of the anus, vulva, vagina, and some cancers of the oropharynx (the middle part of the throat that includes the soft palate, the base of the tongue, and the tonsils) Data from several studies also suggest that infection with HPV is a risk factor for penile cancer (cancer of the penis). Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Seems from what I have read, either one of you could have been carrying this for a long time and not shown up. Did he admit to a relationship? If not please press on with making it work, and leave this infidelity behind you. Seems as though you love him very much. A word from the wise, my boss and father figure once told me....he is 65 with 4 of his and 1 of hers, on a second marriage to a beautiful woman. The difference between my ex and my wife....when I went to work..5 small children at home..the ex would greet me at the door telling me all what the kids did wrong while I was gone. I was the bad guy. My present wife...when I would get home, would round up all the kids, meet me in the kitchen and say look daddy's home, fill me with hugs and kisses. Maybe you also could show a little more love, it would be good for the children also. Hope this can help you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babymama Posted August 8, 2006 Author Share Posted August 8, 2006 Well no he hasn't said that he has been with other woman but all he talks about is sleeping with other women. But I have tried everything and have taken everyone advise but it's not working. I thought about getting help for the both of us and once he found out that i was looking for help he became very upset. I'm down to the point where I can't take anymore. He beat me that day and the more i told him that he's hurting the belly inside me he's only respond was "I DON'T CARE!" I have no-one to talk to. No-one to run to. I left my mother for this man now my mother is 13 hours away. I have no car no money. Can this be a punishment from god because of me giving him everything he wanted in a heart beat. For me never saying no to anything he'll ask for. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 None of us, Women or Men, truly understand what it is like to be the other sex. To see life from the other persons perspective is impossible. We can only try. Fidelity in a marrage is very important. It is a sign of respect for one's self and the other partner, fidelity also finds it's roots in trust. I have been married for 16 years now, two kids. Is my sex life great? No. Do I love my wife? When I am not mad at her, lol. Do I care about her? Yes. Is she a great Mother? Yes. Am I a good Father? I could be better. Am I happy? No. Is she happy? No. Do we fight? Man, do we! Have I ever cheated? No. Has she? I think, but am unsure, maybe no. This could go on and on. Every marriage or non-mariage relationships have problems like I stated above. I have considered an affair before to some degree, because it does get lonely sometimes when you are not communicating for months on end. Sometimes you just need that closeness, or acceptance. Sex is something beautiful shared between two people who care for eachother and who are communicating. But, fidelity always gets back to that respect for self and others and trust. Infedility to me means no going back. Call it hypothetical but, I cannot imagine that hurt of actually knowing, especially getting an STD from partner. I think I would call it off, kids or not. Would I marry my spouse again? Probably not. Will I ever ask her for a divorce? Maybe someday. I cannot rip my family apart. If we did not have kids living at home would we be married? No. Suicide is not the answer period. Make up your mind, it's hard. Mine is not yet made up totally. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Anddowhat Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 OK so everyone has some really good ideas here. But I just read in your last post babymama that he beat you because you were seeking some counseling? If I read that correctly, you need to find a shelter like yesterday! NOBODY deserves to be abused mentally and especially physically. I am in a marriage now that my H is suspected by me of cheating. He slapped me once about 10 yrs ago and he got knocked the f*** out! He swore he would never do it again and he hasn't. Next time, if it does ever happen, it will be much worse than getting knocked out cold. If he is hitting on you, especially while you are pregnant, you need to get out and into a shelter somewhere until you can get some help. If that is not possible, just sneak and call the police if he raises his hand to you again. You have a responsibilty in providing your children a safe environment. He does too but, since he is not willing to do that, I'm sorry, but it falls on your shoulders. And no child should witness, either by sight or sound, their Mother getting abused from their Father. It creates a monster in that child and they may often times, hold a grudge against the person being abused for not protecting them. Please, for the sake of your children, leave.... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 9, 2006 Share Posted August 9, 2006 Just a quick question. Did YOU initiate, pressure, talk him into getting married. Was it you that brought up the idea. My guess is he never really wanted to get married in the first place, gets married, then has another child on the way. He is immature and unable to accept his responsibility. Please make sure you dont get pregnant again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babymama Posted August 12, 2006 Author Share Posted August 12, 2006 No, it was his idea to get married in the first place. But now I don't even know why i am still here. I've had other bad relationships and i have never taken so much **** from someone i don't know why i am taking it from him. My birthday is coming up now on the 17th of this month and my husband doesn't know about i had got a plane ticket to fly back home to my mothers and have my baby in NJ. So what you are saying is that everything that is happening to me is my fault and something i desevere because he may feel as if i wanted him to marry me even though i wasn't ready? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 I'm glad you got a plane ticket to go back home. You need to be somewhere safe right now for you and your baby. I would contact a hotline as well if you haven't already. It simply disgusts me to read that he beat you the other day, and while preggo too! You need to get out of the situation, and quickly! Jade Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 No, it was his idea to get married in the first place. But now I don't even know why i am still here. I've had other bad relationships and i have never taken so much **** from someone i don't know why i am taking it from him. My birthday is coming up now on the 17th of this month and my husband doesn't know about i had got a plane ticket to fly back home to my mothers and have my baby in NJ. So what you are saying is that everything that is happening to me is my fault and something i desevere because he may feel as if i wanted him to marry me even though i wasn't ready? Goodness, no! It's not your fault! He is a man without any self-control who beats you and your unborn child and thinks nothing of it!! Go to your mother's and DO NOT EVER GO BACK TO THIS MAN! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babymama Posted August 15, 2006 Author Share Posted August 15, 2006 I just want to thank everyone for helping me through my rough time. But to be honest with all of you I don't think that I am going to be able to make to my birthday and fly back home to my mothers. The reason why I think like this is because he did it again to me last night I really thought I was going to die this time. But he got worse this time. He grabbed me so hard that my arms are all black and blued, my neck as while, and this time he pushed me into the wall. If I had never covered my belly I think I would of have Lost my baby. But you know what's funny about everything is that I had always thought that these marines were fighting and trained to protect are country and people but yet it's them themsevles who are hurting us. For the first time in my life I scared for my life. I tried to leave this house lastnight but 1: there is no shelter close by for me to walk to, 2: I have no money, 3: I have to kid of my son and the danger i was putting him in walking in the middle if the streets late at night. I am basicly trapped here until I leave if I make it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted August 15, 2006 Share Posted August 15, 2006 Call your domestic abuse hotline. There's help available, even for folks who don't have any money. Here's a link to their website: http://www.ndvh.org/ Don't wait until he kills you or your child. Get some help. Link to post Share on other sites
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