Has he moved on after 3 months of NC?

[Cathy1]

Dear all,

I need your oppinion on this one - me and my ex were together for a few months and everything worked fine - then he went to visit his family on the other continent - called frequently-more than I expected, than in the last phone call indicated that sth was wrong. After coming back, he broke it off with me saying that he met his former girlfriend and that he realized she was the love of his life, if it were not for that, that we would have stayed together, and that he still has feelings for me, but with OW he had time to develop true love, which was not the case with me as we were not that long together....

 

After few months, he broke it off with her too, she didn't move to him as planned, as he decided that he didn't love her and that he is not prepared to enter such a serious relationship and start living with her, as was expected after her arrival..... In the meantime, as he is a popular sports figure, he started to enjoy his newly-found popularity and new freedom. We had 2-3 casual flings, but when I started to suspect that he was seeing other girls, I cut it off and started NC. 7 days later he texted me with some neutral message and I did not reply. 10 days after that he texed me again, and again I did not reply. The same day one hour later, he called me and I did not pick it up. Tomorrow he called again, ringing like a maniac until he was switched off as I didn’t answer again.

 

In the 3 months of NC – we met 3 time accidentally – some social event, he acted like he cared when he saw me, I caught him looking at me may times, dilated pupils and everything, but was a bit distant and angry at me for not answering his calls, though when we met I behaved nicely. 2nd time - a week later -a party – I was shocked to see he came with 1 girl, holding hands, in front of all of his team players and work colleagues….. I made it look like one of my male friends who was there with me was my boyfriend, so that it would not appear that I was on the loss. 2 months later I realize that he is still with the same girl, although he doesn’t mention that fact publicly or to our mutual friends, but I saw him with her in a public place, in the city, again holding hands.

 

He has his trainings relatively close to where I live, but I never meet him or anyone from his team there – it was interesting that few days ago I ran into him sitting in front of our local store/café complex, the most traffic spot in MY neighborhood…. He usually NEVER hangs out there and this time he was sitting there alone, “resting” but nothing was on the table – no remnants of food, or drinks – I had a feeling he came there on purpose just to see me, as it has been 2 months after he saw me last. That place was one sure spot where he can see me. I was nice (but not TOO enthusisastic) towards him, came over and set opposite to him and we talked for a while about general subjects. He looked happy to see me and had on him the signs that he liked me, but the funny thing was that he did not seem to try to do anything to keep me there longer, and he (again, like in 2 previous examples) did not use this meeting as an opportunity to re-initiate the contact. 2 days later was when I saw him with this girl in the city. He did not see me…..

 

My question – all this time I have been pretty sure in my heart that he cares for me. Although at the time he did not seem interested at renewal of our relationship (sensed pressure form my side, wanted to enjoy his popularity and “freedom” and changed girls) I felt that he cares for me and that he wants me and that I have a special place in his heart – his stubborn attempts at texting me and calling reinforced this feeling. All the more, I am much different from the girls he normally hangs out with – I am better looking, taking better care of myself, more accomplished and altogether a better "catch", non dependant on his status and money….I felt that he cared for me all this time - until now – after seeing him with the same girl again, I am not sure any more and my fear is that he may have moved on and that he is not into me any more…… What do you think? I still hope that I have a chance…I mean, after 3 months of NC and my unavailability and we all know men want what they cant have – I should appeal to him even more and I thought that I should be more desirable to him than this girl who is really plain, always available and just too happy to be dating the popular sports person…

I don’t know is it very relevant, but I forgot to mention that he has a very, very strong and sensitive ego….on the brink of narcissism.

 

Thanks 4 ur thoughts!

Cathy1

[KarlCox]

i mean.. just wondering what do you want out of this?

if you read the major stick threads.. you should realize that you are not the one initiating the contact.. however, if you want to keep the other party interested.. you should pickup the calls...

 

i think there is a possibility he just moved on...

[Cathy1]

KarlCox,

thank you for taking time to read my very long post and replying....

You see, not picking up his calls and not initiating contact was a part of NC - as at the time he hurt me again and I needed some distance to get things back in shape and, obviously, to "punish" him for his bad behavior and show him that I was not going to tolerate that... If I have continued the contact and that "relationship" how it looked at the time - I think I would have been at the greater loss than I am today.... That is why I had to start NC and become unavailable, which includes also not picking up his calls. My fear is also that he may have moved on, as it is one and the same girl, so it means that he may have fallen in love with this one....and this is obviously a relationship, not a fling (and my guess, according to some facts that I have, is that it could have started while we were still in contact, but nevertheless, his calling and texting all took place while he was already with her, so if he was not that crazy after her in the sole beginning of the relationship, it can be doubted that he is now. It could be that she is just convenient for him).

I'm counting on the fact that what we had did not run out of the energy, "fuel" and there is still attraction from his side..... I know that my actions can look a little too harsh and rigid (what you mentioned - not initiating the contact, not picking up his calls), but don't forget that he treated me really bed for 2 times - when he broke it off with me and when he was seeing me and other girls as well, trying to make a fool out of me, cheating, lying to me and everything - at the time when I was hoping for reconciliation and renewal of the relationship with him.

What do I want out of this - very simple - I want him back! :-)

[Abbie78]

My luck with guys is terrible, always seem to date the wrong ones, but if my advice is worth anything, here it is.

This guy could appear to have moved on, although sometimes people tell themselves they have moved on, when they haven't deep down in their heart. Even if people have moved on, there could still be a special place in their hearts for a person who they once loved and cared about.

 

Communication seems to be a problem in a lot of relationships, people getting mixed signals, which causes more insecurity, which can break up a relationship. The NC thing can be confusing, as eventually one party has to give in, if they want the other person back. Even if the first contact is just a friendly hello, and asking about them generally.

 

Really though, sorry if what I am saying isn't helpful, I hope you find the right advice, and do what you feel is right.

[Ukwizard]

I needed some distance to get things back in shape and, obviously, to "punish" him for his bad behavior

 

These are very harsh words. Let it be noted that we are NOT here to "punish", anyone!!

 

There are times our ex`s will infuriate us, but no one needs to be punished. At the end of the day if you want to punish someone you need to rethink your relationship status. Do you really want someone that makes you angry, and you want to retaliate? To me - this can be a self destructing relationship. Leave it alone, and I mean NOW!

[Cathy1]

UKwizard, vow! Man you are strict! :-)

 

Didn't you notice that the word "punish" was in quotation marks (=Either of a pair of punctuation marks used primarily to mark the beginning and end of a passage attributed to another and repeated word for word, but also to indicate meanings or glosses and to indicate the unusual or dubious status of a word. )

But thx anyway for reading my post and trying to help with your comment - I really appreciate it!

 

Regards,

Cathy

[sirjay]

This is the trouble with gameplaying.

 

If you really care about him and you want to make it work, i think you should put your cards on the table right now. He clearly wants you and its you thats been pushing him away time after time. He has obviously had a series of superficial relationships according to what you say, however this girl you mention may or may not be more serious; it may well be too late.

 

arrange a meet and tell him how you feel.

[Cathy1]

You are definitely right – but I just felt at the time that it was too soon to pick up his calls and let him enter my life again, as I was afraid that it would have ended up in the same way as before…. I had to make a difference this time!

However, I hope it is not too late – I mean, it was only 3 weeks ago when I spotted him hanging out in my neighborhood….

I will not worry about this girl at the moment, and I will do what you said – I will initiate contact (but I’m afraid to put my cards on the table openly)….. And we’ll see…..

 

Thanks for your objective and constructive advice! :-)

 

Cathy