Sex with 2 men

[Cici]

Ok....

 

I know I've given alarmingly adult-like advice to people on this board before and now look at me. I'm a mess.

 

I've been dating my boyfriend for over a month. We spend every day together, we have these amazing heart-to-hearts...I love him. He takes such good care of me, ya know, remembering what I like to drink, giving me presents, throwing me a birthday party with the phatest DJs in this town. He's what I've been looking for.

 

The thing is, he found me about 2 months after I'd been in a bad relationship involving blackmail and drugs and physical abuse and cheating on me with my best friend, so we always have fights because I always think he wants to break up with me and he always thinks I want to break up with him (he thinks sometimes he's not attractive enough or whatever).

 

Yesterday I went over to my neighbor's house. We're really close friends and I'm friends with his girlfriend, who is also our neighbor. I'm always over at his house and we always joke about having sex. Well, we did. Not just once, 3 times in a row. And I had sex with my boyfriend twice before having sex with my neighbor and then twice afterwards.

 

I think I am a nymphomaniac, but I really enjoy having sex. It's weird now, my neighbor and I are still great friends and we've kept this to ourselves. I feel guilty because I kow if my boyfriend found out he would be so hurt and I love him so much. My neighbor knows this, too, so everything is open between us.

 

I know. Simple solution: stop ##### the neighbor. Right? So how come I can't?

 

Cici

[Excelsior]

First I would like to respond to Dennis:

 

You my friend are completely out of line. People are coming to this forum for help and advice, and while sometimes their situations are due to their own mistakes, you have no right to reply in such a rude, inconsiderate, unhelpful way. If you read a post and find it distasteful or you feel like saying something mean to the person who wrote it, just keep it to yourself. Nobody is Perfect. (that includes you.)

 

Now Cici...on to your problem.

 

I think this situation comes down to one thing in my mind. That thing is...- what you want in your heart of hearts. Have you ever given someone advice (and known that it was the smart thing to do), and then seen them turn around and do the complete opposite? The reason that this happens is because it comes down to what people really want, so they end up doing whatever it is that deep down they wanted.

 

You have sexual desires, just like everyone, but no matter what anyone tells you, you are not a slave to your sex drive. This is about what you really want: continued sexual gratification or a meaningful relationship. If you truly want to be faithful only to your boyfriend, you WILL be faithful. You'll begin to do this in a couple different ways. First, you'll *avoid* compromising situations with this tempting neighbor. Maybe you stop by his house with completely innocent motives and the sex drive just takes over. Ok, if that's the case, then eliminate those visits. When you love somebody (ie- your boyfriend), you'll do anything and everything to be faithful to them. When that neighbor of yours gives you the old look that says..."let's do it..."- Don't even consider it. Let your instant reaction be no. Maybe you need to discuss some sexual issues with your boyfriend. Tell him about your desires, and maybe you can come up with something that will satisfy...I don't know of too many guys that hate hearing about their girlfriends sex drive.

 

Of course, if you want to continue in deception, and continue to enjoy the favors of two men, then you can do that as well. But whatever you choose...choose wisely- hearts and minds are at stake. And ask yourself what is important in the long run, not just today or tomorrow.

 

I wish you the best...i hope i didn't come across too harshly, and I hope I made sense. Best of luck in your situation.

 

Sincerely,

 

Excelsior

[Dessert]

I think you should ask yourself why it is you think you need sex so much. Sex should be between two loving committed adults. I understand fully what your going through. The abuse in your past is the contributing factor to this self distructive behavior. It will catch up with you. How old are you? Did you have abuse in your childhood as well?

[Mike]

You can't stop sleeping with your neighbor because you are being selfish. There really may be some issues you have with commitment or trust, but it comes down to doing what you know is right. There are no justifications for your actions since you know they are wrong. Either stop sleeping with other people or let your boyfriend move on to someone he deserves.

Ok.... I know I've given alarmingly adult-like advice to people on this board before and now look at me. I'm a mess. I've been dating my boyfriend for over a month. We spend every day together, we have these amazing heart-to-hearts...I love him. He takes such good care of me, ya know, remembering what I like to drink, giving me presents, throwing me a birthday party with the phatest DJs in this town. He's what I've been looking for. The thing is, he found me about 2 months after I'd been in a bad relationship involving blackmail and drugs and physical abuse and cheating on me with my best friend, so we always have fights because I always think he wants to break up with me and he always thinks I want to break up with him (he thinks sometimes he's not attractive enough or whatever). Yesterday I went over to my neighbor's house. We're really close friends and I'm friends with his girlfriend, who is also our neighbor. I'm always over at his house and we always joke about having sex. Well, we did. Not just once, 3 times in a row. And I had sex with my boyfriend twice before having sex with my neighbor and then twice afterwards. I think I am a nymphomaniac, but I really enjoy having sex. It's weird now, my neighbor and I are still great friends and we've kept this to ourselves. I feel guilty because I kow if my boyfriend found out he would be so hurt and I love him so much. My neighbor knows this, too, so everything is open between us. I know. Simple solution: stop ##### the neighbor. Right? So how come I can't? Cici

[Re: Should I be concerned?]

Yup. Props to you for being blunt but tactful. I sat down and talked to my boyfriend the other night...I didn't tell him what happened. Psychologically speaking, whne you're in a committed relaitonship and you are physically but not emotionally unfaithful, it's better not to tell your partner. But as excelsior pointed out, I needed to think. I did. I made a choice. I was stupid and under the influence of substances and I chose to stop sleeping with other people.

You can't stop sleeping with your neighbor because you are being selfish. There really may be some issues you have with commitment or trust, but it comes down to doing what you know is right. There are no justifications for your actions since you know they are wrong. Either stop sleeping with other people or let your boyfriend move on to someone he deserves.