MarkWarner Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Hi, Ill keep it brief. Met a girl 5 months ago who is great fun and seems to be really into me. Everythings ok in the bedroom, in fact its great but, (and this is a big but), we had the sexual history conversation 3 nights ago and my brain is fried. Im not the most moral of people but what my girlfriend told me has made me look at her slightly differently. She told me that several years ago she had a ' gang bang' with four guys, one of whom was her partner at the time. She told me that they were all at it for 9 hours and in her words 'filthy.' Now before you start pasting me here for being concerned and weak, I am, and I cant help it. Im shocked. I havent told her Im shocked of course but Im feeling a little (and I hate to say this word) 'repulsed.' Thinking of four guys with my woman and her loving it has knocked my brain out of gear slightly. Im posting this as I want to know is it normal what Im feeling or am I being jealous/ ridiculous/ pathetic? Im sure people will be reading this and thinking "you lucky fella, what you complaining for." But I have to say Im genuinely genuinely shocked. Its not going to make me leave her or anything but guys can you tell me what you think? How would you feel? Girls too, Id love to hear your comments. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
vertigo Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Hi, Ill keep it brief. Met a girl 5 months ago who is great fun and seems to be really into me. Everythings ok in the bedroom, in fact its great but, (and this is a big but), we had the sexual history conversation 3 nights ago and my brain is fried. Im not the most moral of people but what my girlfriend told me has made me look at her slightly differently. She told me that several years ago she had a ' gang bang' with four guys, one of whom was her partner at the time. She told me that they were all at it for 9 hours and in her words 'filthy.' Now before you start pasting me here for being concerned and weak, I am, and I cant help it. Im shocked. I havent told her Im shocked of course but Im feeling a little (and I hate to say this word) 'repulsed.' Thinking of four guys with my woman and her loving it has knocked my brain out of gear slightly. Im posting this as I want to know is it normal what Im feeling or am I being jealous/ ridiculous/ pathetic? Im sure people will be reading this and thinking "you lucky fella, what you complaining for." But I have to say Im genuinely genuinely shocked. Its not going to make me leave her or anything but guys can you tell me what you think? How would you feel? Girls too, Id love to hear your comments. Thanks It is absolutely normal that you would have these feelings.... but bottom line is if you have feelngs for this person you have to give her the benefit of doubt that this was her past and doesn't mean that is in her future. Maybe she has been searching to find out who she is....and what she is looking for...you may be the one. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I think your reaction is quite normal. This would be very difficult not to be repulsed. I would have to tell you to seriously consider having the both of you get checked for STD's. I doubt this was the only time she got "wild". This type of behavior is absolutely deadly healthwise. I do not know how it would be possible to get the images out of your head. I wish you luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 The images are a bit difficult to handle I admit. I dont want to let my thoughts about this mess something up that could be great. It has changed the way I see her I cant deny this. Do I tell her, do I keep silent ????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarkWarner Posted July 1, 2006 Author Share Posted July 1, 2006 Thanks, I am struggling with 'that' image. Do I confess its bothering me and run the risk of her never telling me anything again or is there a way I can sgut it out. Tips on a postcard please anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Poboy Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 well any girl who is willing to share such an activity she engaged in the past has got to be serious about the relationship with you. Most guys would be bothered by hearing such a thing but she has been honest. Was she young when she did this or too drunk or something. She must have wanted to try something new or different , many people do in their own unique ways trying to discover new things or learn more about themselves or just plain fun. So if you really dig this girl , give her a chance and if she does not engage in such activity now or in the future , it should be alright. I always believe --- "Past should be kept in the past unless it will affect the present and future". Personally, u should tell her if it is bothering too much , talk to her about it and get all your doubts , thoughts cleared. If she is that special , one act in the past shouldnt change your thing for her. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Theres absolutely nothing lucky about landing a chick who gangbanged a bunch of guys, you might even call it the opposite. If it doesnt bother you..then cool..but on the 1-10 skank scale, that rates a 99. Nor do I know how you could take this girl seriously and not be wondering if shes been in porn or whatever as well. and a 9 hour gangbang on top of it? wow..yikes, good luck, I do not envy you pal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I agree with Spectre. Right on! If you read my original post on this board, it is a very similiar situation I was in and unfortunately I never got over it. But everything coming out at once about her skank past including all her blatant lies has hurt too much and bothered me to the point I couldn't handle a relationship with her anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author MarkWarner Posted July 1, 2006 Author Share Posted July 1, 2006 Thanks for your reply. I obviously dont want to talk to my friends about this as they know my girlfriend so you guys are helping me a lot. Would anyone else be sickened by this or am I over-reacting? I know myself pretty well but I have no answers here Link to post Share on other sites
shoedevil Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 Thanks for your reply. I obviously dont want to talk to my friends about this as they know my girlfriend so you guys are helping me a lot. Would anyone else be sickened by this or am I over-reacting? I know myself pretty well but I have no answers here Buddy, there are things in life that we as human beings are not obligated to accept or understand, and I think this is one of them. She may have been "trying to find herself", as has been suggested, but that doesn't mean she went about it in the healthiest way. For me, this kind of thing would have been a big deal-breaker, but since you've already slept with her, I assume some attachment has already developed. There's nothing wrong with being judgemental, as long as you're not a hypocrite on the issue. Has she bothered to explain her past behavior? Why she did it? One thing I've noticed is that some men and women these days don't believe that the things they've done in the past can affect their current and future relationships. I think this is narrow thinking. Your jealousy, discomfort, and insecurity (and they're not unnatural or wrong in this case) are the direct result of what she said she did before she met you. There are plenty of women out there who have had modest sexual histories. Just something to think about... Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Buddy, there are things in life that we as human beings are not obligated to accept or understand, and I think this is one of them. She may have been "trying to find herself", as has been suggested, but that doesn't mean she went about it in the healthiest way. For me, this kind of thing would have been a big deal-breaker, but since you've already slept with her, I assume some attachment has already developed. There's nothing wrong with being judgemental, as long as you're not a hypocrite on the issue. Has she bothered to explain her past behavior? Why she did it? One thing I've noticed is that some men and women these days don't believe that the things they've done in the past can affect their current and future relationships. I think this is narrow thinking. Your jealousy, discomfort, and insecurity (and they're not unnatural or wrong in this case) are the direct result of what she said she did before she met you. There are plenty of women out there who have had modest sexual histories. Just something to think about... It's called.....EXPERIMENTING!! Dear God, hasn't anyone here seen 'Chasing Amy'? If she was still into that scene it would be called....SWINGING. And before you get your panties in a bunch, just because I'm defending certainly does not mean I have participated in above scenarios. But that's just me. Ironically, I've dated a few men who've done both and more and never did I think "they are whores"....Actually, they were very monogomous. Also, I've known women who are now happily married who've done the same thing way in their past. Again, she was experimenting! And, of course, those 'men and women' believe that their past choices affect their future......but that doesn't necessarily mean it has to affect it in a negative way. At least take some solace that she could be honest with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Pappy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 You are lucky you found out this early in the relationship. I had to find out about my wife's past way too late. Past behavior obviously predicts future behavior- my wife as an example. Six years and three kids later and her promiscuity flushed our marriage down the drain. A woman who has NO RESPECT for herself has low self-esteem, in which she needs constant attention from other men to feel good about herself. If you marry into someone that insecure like I did, expect a world full of pain and cheating. GL son. Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Oh please. Experimenting a little is one thing. But when you go into extreme depths like this, it is on the level of cocaine and heroin.. not just weed anymore. Is it ok to experiment with hardcore drugs too? Oh, and why not experiment and play in a few porno movies while we are at it, since you deem it "ok"? I wouldn't trust her character at all. She obviously craves attention from other males because she doesn't have much esteem. Recipe for disaster. Unfortunately your defensive opinion stems from the fact that the men you've dated were pretty liberal in their sex lives. And I'm sure you were too. That's alright. But there are CERTAIN BOUNDARIES that EACH person has in what they will accept from a mate. And those are what THEY are comfortable with. If you are comfortable with promiscuous people as I see you are then you can date them etc. But some of us are more attracted to more "untouched" girls. It's a personal preference!! To each their own. But don't try to brainwash this poor guy into thinking his attitude and reactions towards the matter are not normal. Because they certainly are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 I've dated a few men who've done both and more and never did I think "they are whores"....Actually, they were very monogomous. Also, I've known women who are now happily married who've done the same thing way in their past. Please don't tell me you are naive enough to make such a blind and ignorant statement. If this board does anything, I'm hoping it at least educated a few people who are eager enough to find truth. You will NEVER know what goes on behind closed doors in someone else's relationship... heck, probably not even your own. You can NEVER say for sure that someone has been faithful or if they are happy. That is just nonsense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Oh please. Experimenting a little is one thing. But when you go into extreme depths like this, it is on the level of cocaine and heroin.. not just weed anymore. Is it ok to experiment with hardcore drugs too? Oh, and why not experiment and play in a few porno movies while we are at it, since you deem it "ok"?I wouldn't trust her character at all. She obviously craves attention from other males because she doesn't have much esteem. Recipe for disaster.\\ JC-are you serious?? Oh yes, let's elevate it to porn movies and heroin/cocaine addiction. -Brilliant! Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 It's ok to experiment you say? Doesn't seem you draw the line either, so yes those are good comparisons for your level of reasoning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 A woman gangbangs four men for 9 hours and someone has the audacity to call it a little bit of "experimenting". Ha. Please save the bs used to divert consequences and responsibilities for behaviors. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 A woman gangbangs four men for 9 hours and someone has the audacity to call it a little bit of "experimenting". Ha. Please save the bs used to divert consequences and responsibilities for behaviors. And what are the consequences? Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 What are the consequences? Well, obviously her future partner's reactions of course. Mrs."experimenting" is trying to downplay this whole scenario making the op feel like his feelings are not valid. Whatever makes her get through the day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Please don't tell me you are naive enough to make such a blind and ignorant statement. If this board does anything, I'm hoping it at least educated a few people who are eager enough to find truth. You will NEVER know what goes on behind closed doors in someone else's relationship... heck, probably not even your own. You can NEVER say for sure that someone has been faithful or if they are happy. That is just nonsense. Ah........so wrong dude. I'll make the exception that I can't say for sure if they were happy, though. That I'll agree with. But other than that, I go with my 'naiveness' , 'blindness and ignorance',--much nicer place to live in a trusting world than to quash any explaination as 'nonsense'. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 But other than that, I go with my 'naiveness' , 'blindness and ignorance',--much nicer place to live in a trusting world than to quash any explaination as 'nonsense'. As expected. When you come out of fantasy land, let me know. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Mrs."experimenting" is trying to downplay this whole scenario making the op feel like his feelings are not valid. Whatever makes her get through the day. How can you come to this conclusion when he hasn't mentioned anything else regarding how she feels? All we know is that she told him, and now he doesn't know how to react. Link to post Share on other sites
climbergirl Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 It's ok to experiment you say? Doesn't seem you draw the line either, so yes those are good comparisons for your level of reasoning. Since you've succumbed to bashing...... You can read, right?? If capable......... read my first post. Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Read all posts.. I'm referring to climbergirl. Link to post Share on other sites
Galaxy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 I already read your outrageous posts. Gangbanging=experimenting=therefore OK!(it's just experimenting) I kind of disagree with that.. it speaks volumes for the girl. Sure she might have changed, but she also might have not. And I'm not willing to bet a long-term relationship on it either unless I was already in love with the girl and able to get the heinous thoughts of her past out of my head. Heck, it could only just be the tip of the iceberg? Many variables involved, but I'm thinking if she was open enough to speak about it to this man, he might have a similiar background to match in which she thought he wouldn't find it that disgusting. I'm tired of the ridiculous excuses. All that excessive "experimenting" usually comes from internal problems. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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