kimba Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 please help me! i'm hopeless. i have been friends with this guy for about 3 years. (i'm female). we got together once one night and i;ve been in love with him ever since. Heres the problem- he's gay. We used to sleep in the same bed all the time, people always thought we were a couple and we were, except for no sex. we'd hold hands, all harmless stuff , but it made me really emotionally attached to him. We had a very intense friendship for probably the first two years. We still speak to each other on the phone every day and do a lot of things together. But now I love him and i don't know how to stop. I actually thought that i was over him- probably for several months I have felt pretty neutral, i haven't had any intense feelings. But last night i had a dinner party and few people stayed the night so they didn't have to drive home. It was a great night until we went to bed. He refused to sleep in my bed with me and chose to sleep in the spare room with this other woman (they aren't close or anything) I know this is really pathetic and stupid but having had too many red wines I cracked and got really jealous and felt things i haven't felt for ages. It wasn't nice. i just couldn't stand it. i know its a sad and pathetic situation but its a situation that somehow i have found myself in. We spent all of today together and he said he doesn't want to share a bed because he doesn't want to wake up with me hugging him. (ouch, that hurt) (But you know it was ok for me to do that for the first two years). He said he knows its partly his fault for this situation. I really really love him and i want to stop. it runs so deep in me.I just feel awful that I am this weak. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted July 1, 2006 Share Posted July 1, 2006 I'm sure you already know the extent of your actions, and what you must do. But, I will say it to you. You have to face the truth. The guy is gay, and by thinking that you'll win him over with your love - nope - that's not going to happen. You either just be friends with him [which is tough on its own] or you walk away, as in move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimba Posted July 1, 2006 Author Share Posted July 1, 2006 i don't know if i could walk away because he is such a big part of my life. I have thought about it before and thought about it today. I just can't believe how my feelings are still there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimba Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 I forgot to mention that after all this happened, the next day when we were hanging out together, and him knowing how i feel- he had a shower and then came out without his shirt on and asked my opinion on whether he has become more muscley since starting at the gym 6 months ago. Inviting me to press down on his stomach to feel how firm it is and could i examine his pecs to see if they are more defined. Is that fair to me? I politely declined all offers and stood at a safe distance of 2 metres. (He's not your typical gym guy, not a poser or anything he really started out quite puney) Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 (He's not your typical gym guy, not a poser or anything he really started out quite puney) Now's he pumped and ready for some sausage. Link to post Share on other sites
Buttaflyy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 without his shirt on and asked my opinion on whether he has become more muscley since starting at the gym 6 months ago. Inviting me to press down on his stomach to feel how firm it is and could i examine his pecs to see if they are more defined. Is that fair to me? He's GAY! Knows that you know it and probably wants to just be friends. Sounds like this is something that he would've done before. I think you haven't excepted the fact that you and he...will never be. Someone asking you to check out there progress after working out for a while isn't exactly flirting either. My friend had a breast job and threw her tits in my face wanting me to feel em Now if I wanted her and she knew it I might think that she would be toying with my emotions. We are both straight and she was just showing me her "progress". Also, if he woulda jumped in your bed knowing that you desire him mighta been unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 This reminds me of a situation that existed sometime ago for me. I had a friend who owned a very large and fancy restaurant in my city and I would take many of my platonic lady friends there. About half the time, no exaggation, they would go ape over our male waiter and ask me to later inquire as to his status (single, married, seeing somebody, etc.). About 90 percent of the time, I would report back to them after inquiry that he was gay. They always felt it was such a tragedy that such a "hottie" would not be available to any woman. There is no tonic or medical machine that's going to change that. For a woman to allow herself to fall in love or remain in love with a gay man just doesn't seem the thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimba Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 i don't know HOW i got to this stage, and i don't know what to do from here. Should I have no contact for a while? We have a lot of contact usually. I just hated the way i felt the other night. How do i have no contact without breaking up the friendship? Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 i think that showing you his abs is just like dangling a carrot in front of you . I think that if you turned around and got a boyfriend he'd be as jealous as hell . i think he enjoys the attention from you . Imagine if u took it away. Link to post Share on other sites
mishy Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 get a real boyfriend and see what happens. i'm not convinced theres not something there though Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 buy a strap on Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimba Posted July 2, 2006 Author Share Posted July 2, 2006 thanks for that- ha ha don't worry i've thought of that Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Hi Kimba, I'm no expert on gay men, but I do have many gay friends. One thing I can tell you is that there is absolutely NOTHING you can do to make him want you or any other woman for that matter. Gay men do not like pussies, period. They like women as friends, like you like having women as friends. They are physically repulsed by the vagina or the smell or the thought of it. So they can never enjoy sex with a woman even if they want to. And they don't. If your gay friend is such a 'friend' to you, he'd probably have explained all that to you. And you knowingly fell for him.... My best advice for you is that you seek a therapist and have your head examined. Why did you set yourself up for an unavailable man? Really, really look hard into yourself. He is a friend... but you can lose his friendship if you can't control your sexual urges. Think about it. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kimba Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 thankyou 'knowhowlovefeels' i'm an idiot and need help. He does though acknowledge that he is not entirely blameless. I feell s***house though... Link to post Share on other sites
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