In-law troubles

[Naughty Peach]

I'm not sure if this is the proper place to post this, and though I am new I have been lurking for some time and have found the advice here to be honest and fair.

 

My mil is definitely the matriarch of this family. A great deal of the time we get along fine. What I have learned is that as long as I don't rock the boat we get along fine. This has been pointed out to me by friends, but I have seen it clearly for myself after some recent events.

 

We moved in with my in-laws after they both became ill and needed assistance. We have continued the running of the house as they wished. I had to have surgery recently and it went wrong. It has left me incapacitated. This has left me unable to travel out of the country for a family event. In turn at least initially the entire family (with the exception of my husband) was convince I was faking it (to spite the fact that doctors had made it clear otherwise). I am unable to stand and confined to bed. Now that the doctors and my husband have chewed a few asses the family in coutnry is taking it more seriously (unfortunately my mil had spread the nasty poison of being sure I was faking it to the family overseas). The family out of country is now convinced that I am still faking it and trying to get attention and trying to ruin their special occassion (they are getting married).

 

I originally called and expressed how badly I felt that I couldn't be there, and was met with a very short rebuff, the same was true for my email apology. It was seen as "sympathy seeking behavior". Now that my fil and mil are sure that it isn't fake they seem shocked that the rest of the family doesn't believe it.

 

I am in shock all the way around. On top of trying to deal with my illness and waiting to see if this is going to be permament, I am dealing with this drama.

 

Any advice?

[Outcast]

Ugh. People. Unfortunately it seems to be getting more and more common for people to assume the worst of others; even of family. Don't feel that this is different or unusual treatment or that you've been singled out to be treated badly. Sadly, it's very common.

 

Know this, and understand that it is what it is. Don't let it upset you or you'll have to remain permanently upset because it's part of the human conditon. I hate this whole 'personal responsibility' movement. It's just an excuse for lack of compassion, IMHO.

 

Hopefully karma will get them soon. I'm glad your husband and his folks support you. Rely on them and forget about the others until they come to their senses.

[bicky_62]

I'm not sure if this is the proper place to post this, and though I am new I have been lurking for some time and have found the advice here to be honest and fair.

 

My mil is definitely the matriarch of this family. A great deal of the time we get along fine. What I have learned is that as long as I don't rock the boat we get along fine. This has been pointed out to me by friends, but I have seen it clearly for myself after some recent events.

 

We moved in with my in-laws after they both became ill and needed assistance. We have continued the running of the house as they wished. I had to have surgery recently and it went wrong. It has left me incapacitated. This has left me unable to travel out of the country for a family event. In turn at least initially the entire family (with the exception of my husband) was convince I was faking it (to spite the fact that doctors had made it clear otherwise). I am unable to stand and confined to bed. Now that the doctors and my husband have chewed a few asses the family in coutnry is taking it more seriously (unfortunately my mil had spread the nasty poison of being sure I was faking it to the family overseas). The family out of country is now convinced that I am still faking it and trying to get attention and trying to ruin their special occassion (they are getting married).

 

I originally called and expressed how badly I felt that I couldn't be there, and was met with a very short rebuff, the same was true for my email apology. It was seen as "sympathy seeking behavior". Now that my fil and mil are sure that it isn't fake they seem shocked that the rest of the family doesn't believe it.

 

I am in shock all the way around. On top of trying to deal with my illness and waiting to see if this is going to be permament, I am dealing with this drama.

 

Any advice?

 

the only thing i can tell you is that the ones who don't believe you don't have a clue on what your going through until something effects there health, my in-laws don't have a clue about my rheumatoid arthritis they think iam faking it except for my husband & my doctors. my in-laws are the ones who want self pitty & nothing is wrong with them at all.

[Lee-21]

hmmm, are all in-laws like this i wonder :\

 

i know this isn't the same, but my mil is very opinionated also, (the two days of this year i was sick,she was positive i just wanted a day off :\) but not so much as yours i don't think, but i've never been seriously injured like you ( sincere sympathies for you also for having to be injured and victim of opinionated inlaws- yarg!)

 

i guess you could try one of two things, let it go (even though thats an awfully big thing to let go....) and realize they are old,sick and obviously are MUCH to opinionated or, confront them, you had been helping them while they were ill before you got injured, the least they can do is give you respectable amounts of sympathy and not spread nonsense rumors because, you could have done the same when they were ill (at least your husband is on your side ) inlaws are like stepping in a puddle of mud then trying to get your boot out

[justice]

Focus on yourself. It sounds like you need to be selfish right now in order to get better. Don't worry about mil and fil and their silly crap!! You need to get well first and deal with the other stuff second. Best Wishes!