Used

[Antonia]

I need some advice here guys...I've been hanging out with this guy for over a year. Our "relationship" is casual...he does not want a commitment and he is known to be a player. He has been a jerk in the past and I've taken the good with the bad. I've hung out with him many times, usually being the one to go to him. Once again, two nights ago he called to invite me over and I agreed. Half an hour later he called back telling me he didn't think it was a good idea anymore and listed a bunch of, in my opinion, not very good reasons. Although he did not come out and say not to come over, I got the feeling he didn't want me to. I got upset and started questioning him and he simply told me I was being overly sensitive. Somehow I didn't believe him and I felt hurt and rejected (I've put up with a lot from him in the past) and told him I did not want to see him again. The heartbreaking part is he acted quite indifferent and said "fine by me" and hung up.

 

I am very hurt. Why invite a girl over and then call her back and behave this way? I like this guy and do travel quite a distance to see him, and while he says he cares, deep in my heart i don't believe it. He and I are not sleeping together but we are intimate. He doesn't call regulary anymore and when he does it tends to be late at night or as the last resort.

 

I guess the question here is that I am confused. Even though there is no relationship, I thought at least there was a friendship and don't understand why he would be so mean and cold towards me. Is he trying to give me a message with his behaviour? Should I take the hint and cut him off before I get hurt anymore (if thats even possible!)Or am I the one who got cut off here?

[Tony T]

1. "Why invite a girl over and then call her back and behave this way?"

 

You already said he is known to be a player. It's pretty obvious "something else" came up.

 

2. "I guess the question here is that I am confused."

 

Nothing to be confused about here, it is extremely clear to the rest of the world reading your post.

 

3. "I thought at least there was a friendship and don't understand why he would be so mean and cold towards me."

 

WRONG! You didn't want a friendship. You were hoping you could tame this guy down but it won't happen. He could be a player until he's 90 years old. Of course he wants to be your friend but ONLY when it's convenient for him. If that's the kind of friends you want, knock yourself out.

 

4. "Is he trying to give me a message with his behaviour?"

 

I don't think he's trying, I think he did. Did you pick up on it? He's telling you he's a rotten jerk and you don't mean as much to him as you would have hoped. I know that's painful but at the same time you had to know this wasn't a keeper. You're an intelligent lady for Pete's sake. This guy's a scumbag.

 

5. "Should I take the hint and cut him off before I get hurt anymore (if thats even possible!)"

 

Well, now, I think that's not a bad idea at all. Matter of fact, you ought to just skip taking the hint and go straight to cutting him off...and save some time.

 

5. "Or am I the one who got cut off here?"

 

He'll never cut you off, EVER!!! As long as he can fit you in, even if he gets married, he'll make time for you. He's a low class pig.

 

You deserve so very much better than this. I know you travel a lot but try to find a guy near your home base. I'm really sorry you ever crossed paths with this guy. Not only is he scum but he is extremely rude as well. I can smell him from here!

[skirting]

I have to say that I read Tony's response and would have to agree. I also understand how painful this is, it sounds like you cared and stuck through some tough times. I've been through this very recently and am still healing from it. It is killing me because all I ever did was care, love and support. My guy shoved another "friend" in my face and said he chose to be with her! Yet, he continued to call and share with me and tell me he wanted me around; I let him hold me and cuddle me and kiss me. He even had the nerve to tell me that we need to spend more time together and that "he would love to have me home when he comes home." He said that exactly!! He is, a commitment phobic that ain't ready for the commitment that I have to offer. It sounds like your guy is in the same position - I'm sure he sees that you are a fantastic lady and that you love him and will be there for him. And you have been - when HE has time and it is convenient for HIM! GET REAL!!! Yes, move on. Scream, yell, cry, talk, reach out, do stuff with friends, stay busy, get into activities. STAY AWAY!!!!!! These types of guys should walk around with signs that say "warning - I only sound sincere". Best - babe I need some advice here guys...I've been hanging out with this guy for over a year. Our "relationship" is casual...he does not want a commitment and he is known to be a player. He has been a jerk in the past and I've taken the good with the bad. I've hung out with him many times, usually being the one to go to him. Once again, two nights ago he called to invite me over and I agreed. Half an hour later he called back telling me he didn't think it was a good idea anymore and listed a bunch of, in my opinion, not very good reasons. Although he did not come out and say not to come over, I got the feeling he didn't want me to. I got upset and started questioning him and he simply told me I was being overly sensitive. Somehow I didn't believe him and I felt hurt and rejected (I've put up with a lot from him in the past) and told him I did not want to see him again. The heartbreaking part is he acted quite indifferent and said "fine by me" and hung up. I am very hurt. Why invite a girl over and then call her back and behave this way? I like this guy and do travel quite a distance to see him, and while he says he cares, deep in my heart i don't believe it. He and I are not sleeping together but we are intimate. He doesn't call regulary anymore and when he does it tends to be late at night or as the last resort. I guess the question here is that I am confused. Even though there is no relationship, I thought at least there was a friendship and don't understand why he would be so mean and cold towards me. Is he trying to give me a message with his behaviour? Should I take the hint and cut him off before I get hurt anymore (if thats even possible!)Or am I the one who got cut off here?