really confused

[mon]

Okay my guy and I have been dating since april. We have had some rough spots here and there but never really fought. He has a really hard time expressing emotions towards anyone inculding me. I've know him for 8 years and have always been really good friends.

 

Well about 2 weeks ago I confessed to him that i love him and he confessed that he was falling in love with me. I know this was a big deal to him as it was me. Well I'm having a really hard time understanding how he can care so much about me but at that same time not show it. I told him that i wanted more and he said okay....we talked about what he can and can not give me. We were going to break up....we ended up staying together anyways. We both want to be together, we work well together.

 

Well the day before Thanksgiving we went out to a club with a group of couples. Everyone danced together but him and I. He stayed by the bar when he normaly dances. I asked him if he was mad at me he said no, I said okay i just wanted to know why you were ignoring me. He said i'm not mad. We left shortly after that. We went back to my house and basicly broke up. We agreed to stay friends and i'm really okay with that. He stayed the night with me and just held me all night....we woke up and did the family thing for the holiday. We have not told our parents yet....and did not want to ruin the holiday.

 

This is where i get confused. He stayed the night again last night and held me again...we rented some movies. Things were going okay, he was just laying behind me holding me then he started kissing me. I looked at him and he asked what is wrong, I said we should not be doing this. He said i know....but it just feels right. We stopped and continued watching the movie. After the movie was over he started kissing me again. We ended up making out, but what does this mean???? I did not stop him, I still love him and want to be with him. I just feel really used today. I ended up leaving him sleeping in my bed and i slept on the sofa. I'm not sure if he noticed that i was not there or not.

 

How do carry on from here?? I called to make sure he was up on time to get to work and he acted like nothing has ever changed. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!!

 

Thanks!!!!! )

[skirting]

It sounds to me that the two of you really need to talk things completely through. If you two made the decision to be a couple and agreed on the things he could "give" you; it sounds like he bowed out of this end of the bargain. Sit down and talk - eyeball to eyeball - heart to heart. I would even suggest a neutral location - a park, a quiet corner in a restaurant, or something like that. And really talk about what you want - for real. A couple - a commitment - just boyfriend/girlfriend. Try not to put pressure on each other about what "needs" to be in the relationship. If you "need" specific things; be clear but also be willing to compromise. Maybe there are things your guy "needs" as well that you cannot or do not do. When you sit and talk with complete and total honesty and love - you will discover so much. Be happy in your relationship - it is as individual as you and he are. If all people were the same and all relationships were all the same - how would we find that special someone?!!!! Revel in your uniqueness and approach love with reckless abandon! These special few are hard to find. Okay my guy and I have been dating since april. We have had some rough spots here and there but never really fought. He has a really hard time expressing emotions towards anyone inculding me. I've know him for 8 years and have always been really good friends. Well about 2 weeks ago I confessed to him that i love him and he confessed that he was falling in love with me. I know this was a big deal to him as it was me. Well I'm having a really hard time understanding how he can care so much about me but at that same time not show it. I told him that i wanted more and he said okay....we talked about what he can and can not give me. We were going to break up....we ended up staying together anyways. We both want to be together, we work well together. Well the day before Thanksgiving we went out to a club with a group of couples. Everyone danced together but him and I. He stayed by the bar when he normaly dances. I asked him if he was mad at me he said no, I said okay i just wanted to know why you were ignoring me. He said i'm not mad. We left shortly after that. We went back to my house and basicly broke up. We agreed to stay friends and i'm really okay with that. He stayed the night with me and just held me all night....we woke up and did the family thing for the holiday. We have not told our parents yet....and did not want to ruin the holiday. This is where i get confused. He stayed the night again last night and held me again...we rented some movies. Things were going okay, he was just laying behind me holding me then he started kissing me. I looked at him and he asked what is wrong, I said we should not be doing this. He said i know....but it just feels right. We stopped and continued watching the movie. After the movie was over he started kissing me again. We ended up making out, but what does this mean???? I did not stop him, I still love him and want to be with him. I just feel really used today. I ended up leaving him sleeping in my bed and i slept on the sofa. I'm not sure if he noticed that i was not there or not. How do carry on from here?? I called to make sure he was up on time to get to work and he acted like nothing has ever changed. Any advise would be greatly appreciated!!!! Thanks!!!!! )

[mon]

Skirting-

 

Just wanted to give you an update on the siutation. He came over yesterday after work and i did what you said. I tried telling him exactly how i feel and how confused i am. We talked for a little bit and this is how explained the night before.

 

He apoligized for starting the makeout session when i was not comfortable with it. He did not realize that i left him sleeping alone until i pointed out the sheets on the sofa. I asked him what the makeout session ment and he said that it's just really difficult to be in the same room with me and not touch me or hold me. I asked why and he said that he still loves me and that he still really wants to be with me but he has to figure out why he can't show me his emotions.

 

So he left my apartment to think and i went to my sister's so i was not alone dwelling on my once again failed relationship. So i'm still very much confused, he ruled out my first thought of another girl. I'm thinking he just needs his space to realize his real feelings for me.

 

But thank you again for your wonderful advise and listening. )

[carrie]

i think You need to set some limits here and not let him come and go and walk all over your feelings.

 

by letting him do this back and fourth crap to you, you are actually letting him use you tho you don't want him to.

 

it seems hard for you to turn him down and understandbly so since you do love him, but is he taking advantage of that?

 

i would tell that he needs to stay away from you so you can either get on with your life and find someone who is available in every aspect and so you can also heal.

 

until he decides what he wants he can't nor should you just sit in the wings and wait.

 

get out and enjoy your life, yes i understand that you love him, but don't put your life on hold while he decides and don't hang around him until he makes up his mind otherwise you will keep putting yourself back in the same ole place you don't want to be and he will never decide cause he wont have to, he will have the best of both worlds, a non commited relationship and love and maybe sex when he wants it, what more could a guy want?

 

protect yourself from getting hurt anymore by distancing yourself now, not later. and good luck

Skirting- Just wanted to give you an update on the siutation. He came over yesterday after work and i did what you said. I tried telling him exactly how i feel and how confused i am. We talked for a little bit and this is how explained the night before. He apoligized for starting the makeout session when i was not comfortable with it. He did not realize that i left him sleeping alone until i pointed out the sheets on the sofa. I asked him what the makeout session ment and he said that it's just really difficult to be in the same room with me and not touch me or hold me. I asked why and he said that he still loves me and that he still really wants to be with me but he has to figure out why he can't show me his emotions.

 

So he left my apartment to think and i went to my sister's so i was not alone dwelling on my once again failed relationship. So i'm still very much confused, he ruled out my first thought of another girl. I'm thinking he just needs his space to realize his real feelings for me. But thank you again for your wonderful advise and listening. )

[mon]

Well We broke up last week. I'm having a really hard time with this but I don't think he is. HE still thinks he can come over and talk to me. He keeps trying to hug me..and i messed up on this one..i let him stay the night. We did not touch or anything but it was just incredibly hard. I wrote him a really long letter telling him I need space and time to heal that I could not be his friend now when i still want so much more. I have not heard from him since so I'm guessing it's over for good this time.

 

Just thought I should keep you posted

 

Thanks for your advise!

 

Mon

i think You need to set some limits here and not let him come and go and walk all over your feelings. by letting him do this back and fourth crap to you, you are actually letting him use you tho you don't want him to. it seems hard for you to turn him down and understandbly so since you do love him, but is he taking advantage of that? i would tell that he needs to stay away from you so you can either get on with your life and find someone who is available in every aspect and so you can also heal. until he decides what he wants he can't nor should you just sit in the wings and wait. get out and enjoy your life, yes i understand that you love him, but don't put your life on hold while he decides and don't hang around him until he makes up his mind otherwise you will keep putting yourself back in the same ole place you don't want to be and he will never decide cause he wont have to, he will have the best of both worlds, a non commited relationship and love and maybe sex when he wants it, what more could a guy want? protect yourself from getting hurt anymore by distancing yourself now, not later. and good luck