figgurinoutlife Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 So I decided to cut my ex off without warning because I have been her doormat for 2 years and she can't make up her mind if she wants to be with me or not and it has been like this ever since we broke up 2 years ago. I just want her to make up her mind!!! So I get fed up and start doing strict NC with her. She has started calling the last couple days and I haven't answered any (it's only been 5 days) and today she left me a voicemail wondering why I haven't called her and wondering what she did now, and that she hopes everything is okay, and that she'll talk to me later, or maybe not, and it was in a bitter voice. My ex I guess ran into a mutual friend of ours and the friend told her I was okay, and she didn't tell her much else, so she doesn't think I'm dead (she probably did). Anyways am I being too mean here? Do you think I should write her a reason I stopped talking to her, I'm sure she knows, but maybe not. We have had the doormat talk before and I told her before she leads me on and I feel like a doormat. What would you do in my situation? Should I write her an explanation for why I cut her off? Or just keep doing what I'm doing and ignoring her? *she said she wanted to be with me again 2 weeks ago, then started hem'n and haw'n again and being distant. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Telling her why you're doing this shows you're still a doormat. It's survival, man. These things don't warrant any sort of explanation. Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 Sometimes 2 people simply arent meant to be togther. Even though there was chemistry there, its not necessarily good chemistry. If after all this time you still feel like your beng mistreated, and all communications have stopped, then I would just end it. Call her up, tell her its over and be done with it. It sounds like your trying to punish her in a way by ignoring her. If you want the relationship to work, then you are going to have to talk to her. If you dont, then call it off and be done. At least you can say you have tried though... thats more effort than a lot of people give. Some people at teh first sign of trouble throw their hands up and say.. aint working.. NEXT! Link to post Share on other sites
SarahRose Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 2 years is a long time for wishy washy behaviour. I would just leave it at nc with no explanation. She hasn't felt bad about stringing you along for 2 years. Link to post Share on other sites
neiu Posted July 2, 2006 Share Posted July 2, 2006 2 years and still in limbo with you huh. How many more years would you like to be strung around like a puppet. NC, leave it and move on to a better life. Link to post Share on other sites
gfto Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Figgurin, You're suffering from one of the worst cases of "nice-guy-itis" I've ever seen. The first step of the cure is to completely write off this girl. No contact whatsoever. Don't even bother telling her. Just disappear. Change your phone number if you have to. The second step is to get at least three new phone numbers per week from new girls. Then, start interviewing them for the position of figgurinoutlife's new girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyBear Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I told my ex that I could not talk to him again because it was too painful. He had a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he could not continue to use me as a friend and kept trying to call me. After five days, he asked me back and we are still together. Link to post Share on other sites
Author figgurinoutlife Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 What do you think her reaction will be by cutting her off cold turkey like this?Do you think she knows deep down why I am doing this or not? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 My suggestion: Unilateral NC. Do not give her an explanation unless she asks. Even if she asks, wait a day before replying. If she contacts and makes persistent contact then reply back tell her why. Now if she does not contact at all, don't worrry about her. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 What do you think her reaction will be by cutting her off cold turkey like this?Do you think she knows deep down why I am doing this or not? That's not your problem, but hopefully it'll knock her senseless. Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Hmm I dont think you should say anything I have to tell you a few stories The first is about a friend of mine. A fellow bussiness man. One day we had a atlk about women and my situation. He started telling me about his wife. He said you know my wife broke up with me beofre we got married. I was like really? He began to tell me how he asked her are you sure this is what you want. She said yes. So he just left her alone. Then she started contacting him after awhile. And he wouldnt take any of her calls. I think in fact it took a mutual friend to get them to talk. Now they are married. But he blew her off for quite a while. Then I had an ex. We broke up. And someone told me just ignore her. So I did. I just kept ignoring her or when I did converse with her, it was brief. In the end I literally had her drooling all over me.. but it didnt really work out. Then there is my current ex. I continue to not talk with her until she contacts me. And sometimes she says how she misses me, other times she is angry saying she will never be with me again etc.. but she contacts me. I am pretty sure her other exes have contacted her, telling her they will change how they want her back etc.. Ive even gone as far as blocking her on MSN and deleting her. I added her back in, and im going to redelete her. In any case she knows how to find me if she really needs to. Ive had exes show up on my doorstep before. I dont see why you situation has to be any different, In retrospective though. You should consider the pros and cons of being with her. After being apart from my ex for as long as I have I have dated. Meet alot of women. Even got other chances at past romances. I dont really click with anyone like I did with her so, that is why I consider getting back with her. Im not talking about sex only.. theres a whole variety of reasons. You need to consider this as well. Link to post Share on other sites
BrandonBP Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Here we go with all the "NEVER EVER talk to her again!" advice. Dude, if you love her, then you're not going to get her back by ignoring her forever. At some point, she's going to figure that you must not love her anymore and she'll decide to move on with her life. I think that some NC is working for you obviously. Keep playing it out since it seems to be getting her attention, but an occasional e-mail response to her saying, "I hope you're well. Everything is great with me and I'm just enjoying my 'space' right now" lets her know that you still acknowledge her existence. Link to post Share on other sites
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