Thought we were working this out, now he's acting so distant!!!

[New Gal]

My bf and I of 4 years broke up over a month ago. I started NC about a month ago because I was confused and needed some time to do my own thing.

 

I called him on Friday because I decided I really love and missed him and wanted to see if we could work this out. He was so excited to hear from me and I asked if he wanted to hang out for a bit. He agreed

 

I went over and we had a great time. Lots of hugs and kisses from him, he kept saying how much he loves and misses me, he understood why I needed my time, and said he wanted us to be back together. We talked for a bit more and then agreed to give us another try.

 

I wasn’t planning this, but we did fool around. I know, BIG mistake. After that I was excited about us and wanted to make plans for the 4th and other things coming up. He acted strange and said he didn’t know. He would not say yes or no to anything.

 

Soon later he calls up his buddy who he had plans with, he showed up, and they took off together on their bikes. Said he would call me later. Never did.

 

He called again late yesterday afternoon. Quick hi and again said he was out and said he would call me later. Again, never did.

 

I’m confused! Why did he act so heartfelt when we were getting back together, but now right after that it’s like a light switch and he’s so cold? There are so many things running through my head. Did he just want to fool around, is he trying to get me back so he can have some control of me again which he lost during our NC, did I overwhelm him by wanting to make plans for things coming up, or could he had met somebody during out break and is afraid to tell me.

 

I don’t know how to handle this!!!

[Guest]

So I sent him a quick text today. I figured I would put in a little more effort. It was him that wanted to split, him that wanted me back right away, but me that needed a little break to figure things out…. So I was a little hesitant if I should try again to get in contact with him.

 

I want us to be like we used to be more then anything. So happy and in love like we have been these past 4 years. Just a few days ago he said how big of a spark we still had between us and he knew he wanted us to be together.

 

I wrote, where’s that massage you promised me! ; )

 

Just being playful and hoping he would call (since he can’t text back) but I still haven’t heard from him!!

 

I don’t understand. I would appreciate any input please.!... Am I trying to hard to work this out and pushing him away? What should I do next, if anything?

[Diver012]

He seemed to want to come back after you initiated NC. So he comes back, and gets scared again and runs away. It didnt sound to me like you were moving to fast.

 

He sounds very confused. Im not sure what problems you guys had that caused the breakup in the first place, but maybe they are to serious in his mind to get past.

 

Maybe this friend of his is influencing him and telling him he needs to move on. Maybe you should as well? It sucks I know... Be strong.

[Plato1969]

Hate to say it, but everything sounded great, then you "fooled around" and now he distant again. Sounds like he wanted just one thing, got it, then it's see ya next time when the urge arises.

 

I may be wrong, but it does sound like that. Don't give in until you get what you want too.

[figgurinoutlife]

Wow, that sucks. NC did work in your situation and he seemed so excited to get back with you, but now seems he's thinking "I have her back now, the challenge is gone. That's what stinks about NC, as soon as they know they have you back, the thrill is gone for them.

 

I think the best advice for you is to go back to NC right away, if you want a better chance of getting him back for good this time. That will let him know, that he's blowing it and your not going to put up with his crap!

 

He knows he's avoiding you on purpose. Don't call him till he calls or texts you, then ignore him for a couple days. Then when he calls again tell him that you don't think he's interested in really getting back together and that your going to move on. If he's really interested in getting back together, he will put up a fight when you say this and really change his ways. If he doesn't then back to NC.