My Husband Let Himself Go And HAS A LOW SEX DRIVE THE PAST COUPLE YEARS!

[LittleLady]

Ok, these seems like a highly circulated forum, so I'm going to post here.

I have been with my partner for about 6 years. We've been married for 2 and have a 4 year old child.

Well, over the past 3 years, my hubby has gained about 30 pounds, has started going bald and has a very erratic sex drive. I care for him... I still do, but I do not feel sexually attracted to him anymore.

I am very petite, fit and have really taken care of myself. I am even thinner than before I got pregnant and every part of my body is pretty flawless, including my youthful and perfect face. Not even one stretch mark or blemish on my bod.

Well, not only am I not physically attracted to my hubby, but he is pretty boring in the bedroom. I have so many fantasies about having sex with his friend, going down on him etc and also with other men in general. And this started after his friend gave me a ride to work one day and he was pretty heavily coming onto me. In fact, he brushed against my breasts a few times in our home on several occasions as well.. but I thought it was just an accidental bump. Anyways, in the car, he was reaching over to get a map from the compartment on the car door on my side and he caressed my legs in the process. Then he said, "Nice".. i dont know if he was referring to me or the maps that he found. Anyways, this guy is just very hot and sexual. I don't even know if I could stop myself if something happened. He adores our son and always compliments me. He even said that my hubby is so lucky to have me. But continuing in the car, he started holding my hand and then put my hand on his lap on his crotch as he started driving again. He was really rock hard and I quickly took my hand away since I was kind of uncomfortable. I never cheated before and my hubby was only my 2nd lover.

But this guy is just so desirable, I dont know what to do anymore. I'm pretty sure he wants to have an affair or have sex with me and I really am yearning for this guy to touch my body and give me the loving my husband can't. My husband and I only have sex about 1 time a week THE MOST! I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of using vibrators. Sorry to be so crude, but I have a pretty high sex drive lately and am at my wits end.

[Outcast]

You don't cure a marriage problem by adding another problem to the marriage and, take my word for it, an affair will definitely be a problem.

 

Have you talked to your husband about this at all? Have you asked him to see a marriage counsellor with you to see if you can resolve the problem?

[Fun2BMe]

What if the roles were reversed and you were the one who gained weight and your husband was no longer attracted to you. Would you rather he have sex with your best friend behind your back, or talk to you about it? Work on your marriage and if it ends up dissolving, then you can be free to have sex with other men, even though it seems immoral to do it with your child's father's best friend. Why lie and deceive, and with all people, with your husband's friend? Do things the right way without letting your hormones control your decision.

 

Chances are that your husband has told his friend about your sex life and the friend is taking advantage of the situation by coming on to you.

[justagirliegirl]

Some friend he is! lol

 

He is just kissing up to you to get into your pants. Wake up!

 

Work on things with your husband.

[HeyYouGuys]

"....I am very petite, fit and have really taken care of myself. I am even thinner than before I got pregnant and every part of my body is pretty flawless, including my youthful and perfect face. Not even one stretch mark or blemish on my bod..."

 

 

Well, youth is just fabulous isn't it?

 

However someday you too will experience the effects of gravity and time. Someday you too will not be so 'flawless'.

 

I'm sure your husband is aware that he doesn't look the way he did before. Imagine if you gained twenty pounds and your hair started thinning? Don't you think you might feel insecure? Your sex drive might drop off too!

 

Maybe you may have been acting differently towards him, giving off those subtle "I'm not attracted to you" vibes and he's picking up on them. That may be also feeding into the not-wanting-sex issue.

 

Have you tried talking to him?

 

All marriages go through bumpy parts. That's what the vows are about; in sickness and health, good times and bad, etc.

 

There will be times when marriage is not always fun. When one partner or the other is having a rough time.

 

Try working on your marraige first. If you cannot come to some sort of compromise or agreement, then maybe your marriage has reached its conclusion.

 

If you read the OW/OM forum you'll see a lot of heartbreak and angst going on amongst people who are having affairs. Do you really want to have that in your life?

[JadeStar]

Your husbands "friend" is NOT his friend if he is going to come on to you like that. He cares nothing for you, if he did he would leave you alone, and all he wants is to get into your underwear. I'm assuming that doesn't bother you right?

 

 

I agree with the others, you need to talk to your husband. Also drop all contact with this other guy. You can not expect to on things with your husband and still see this guy too and that things will be ok. Do you even want things to work out with your husband? If you and this other guy do get together and you have had your quick fix as far as sex goes, then what?

 

 

 

Jade

[Final Answer]

Ok, these seems like a highly circulated forum, so I'm going to post here.

I have been with my partner for about 6 years. We've been married for 2 and have a 4 year old child.

Well, over the past 3 years, my hubby has gained about 30 pounds, has started going bald and has a very erratic sex drive. I care for him... I still do, but I do not feel sexually attracted to him anymore.

I am very petite, fit and have really taken care of myself. I am even thinner than before I got pregnant and every part of my body is pretty flawless, including my youthful and perfect face. Not even one stretch mark or blemish on my bod.

Well, not only am I not physically attracted to my hubby, but he is pretty boring in the bedroom. I have so many fantasies about having sex with his friend, going down on him etc and also with other men in general. And this started after his friend gave me a ride to work one day and he was pretty heavily coming onto me. In fact, he brushed against my breasts a few times in our home on several occasions as well.. but I thought it was just an accidental bump. Anyways, in the car, he was reaching over to get a map from the compartment on the car door on my side and he caressed my legs in the process. Then he said, "Nice".. i dont know if he was referring to me or the maps that he found. Anyways, this guy is just very hot and sexual. I don't even know if I could stop myself if something happened. He adores our son and always compliments me. He even said that my hubby is so lucky to have me. But continuing in the car, he started holding my hand and then put my hand on his lap on his crotch as he started driving again. He was really rock hard and I quickly took my hand away since I was kind of uncomfortable. I never cheated before and my hubby was only my 2nd lover.

But this guy is just so desirable, I dont know what to do anymore. I'm pretty sure he wants to have an affair or have sex with me and I really am yearning for this guy to touch my body and give me the loving my husband can't. My husband and I only have sex about 1 time a week THE MOST! I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of using vibrators. Sorry to be so crude, but I have a pretty high sex drive lately and am at my wits end.

 

[FONT=&quot]Hello LittleLady,

 

Unlike some of the others here, I don't think your husband's friend was making sexual advances toward you. If he's your husband's friend, I'm sure he wouldn't do that. I'm sure there are simple explanations for what's happened so far.

 

He brushed against my breasts a few times in our home on several occasions as well.. but I thought it was just an accidental bump. Is it possible that you have unusually large breasts or that maybe you live in a very small home or trailer and things are a bit cramped? These things just happen sometimes. Maybe you need to wear one of those figure reducing type bras so your breasts don't protrude quite as prominently. Maybe you should even consider breast reduction surgery.

 

He was reaching over to get a map from the compartment on the car door on my side and he caressed my legs in the process. Then he said, "Nice".. i dont know if he was referring to me or the maps that he found. Most likely this too was accidental. Some of those new sports cars are so tiny, it's difficult reaching a map without making contact with the passenger. When he said "Nice", it was probably his being happy that he found the exact map he was looking for, nothing more.

 

But continuing in the car, he started holding my hand Nothing terribly unusal about this. Some people are just a bit more touchy feely when they talk. Is he Italian? Many Italians touch hands with the person they're talking to.

and then put my hand on his lap on his crotch as he started driving again. Well, you probably just thought that was his crotch. Did you actually look at where your hand was placed? He put your hand on the shifter of the car, not his crotch silly! Those things are very hard and move around a lot. Besides, you said you your husband was only your second lover. You probably don't even remember what a hard penis feels like.

 

My husband and I only have sex about 1 time a week THE MOST! I'm sorry honey but no woman needs sex more than once a week! Nymphomania is a serious condition so you certainly should have this checked out. Usually when a woman marries a man that effectively ends her desire for sex so it's obvious that the problem lies with you.

 

I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of using vibrators. There is no excuse to use a vibrator. None. Your vagina wasn't designed for battery operated rubber objects. It was designed for a penis and that's what your husband has waiting for you. Throw that thing away. Well, save the batteries first though. They can be used in a flashlight or something.

 

Good luck and may God bless you.

[/FONT]

[JackJack]

[FONT=&quot]Hello LittleLady,[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Unlike some of the others here, I don't think your husband's friend was making sexual advances toward you. If he's your husband's friend, I'm sure he wouldn't do that. I'm sure there are simple explanations for what's happened so far.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He brushed against my breasts a few times in our home on several occasions as well.. but I thought it was just an accidental bump. Is it possible that you have unusually large breasts or that maybe you live in a very small home or trailer and things are a bit cramped? These things just happen sometimes. Maybe you need to wear one of those figure reducing type bras so your breasts don't protrude quite as prominently. Maybe you should even consider breast reduction surgery.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]He was reaching over to get a map from the compartment on the car door on my side and he caressed my legs in the process. Then he said, "Nice".. i dont know if he was referring to me or the maps that he found. Most likely this too was accidental. Some of those new sports cars are so tiny, it's difficult reaching a map without making contact with the passenger. When he said "Nice", it was probably his being happy that he found the exact map he was looking for, nothing more.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]But continuing in the car, he started holding my hand Nothing terribly unusal about this. Some people are just a bit more touchy feely when they talk. Is he Italian? Many Italians touch hands with the person they're talking to.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]and then put my hand on his lap on his crotch as he started driving again. Well, you probably just thought that was his crotch. Did you actually look at where your hand was placed? He put your hand on the shifter of the car, not his crotch silly! Those things are very hard and move around a lot. Besides, you said you your husband was only your second lover. You probably don't even remember what a hard penis feels like.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]My husband and I only have sex about 1 time a week THE MOST! I'm sorry honey but no woman needs sex more than once a week! Nymphomania is a serious condition so you certainly should have this checked out. Usually when a woman marries a man that effectively ends her desire for sex so it's obvious that the problem lies with you.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of using vibrators. There is no excuse to use a vibrator. None. Your vagina wasn't designed for battery operated rubber objects. It was designed for a penis and that's what your husband has waiting for you. Throw that thing away. Well, save the batteries first though. They can be used in a flashlight or something.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Good luck and may God bless you.[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

 

 

So you are saying that what she described about this other guy, she read to much into? I don't think so.

 

"Maybe you just thought it was his crotch"

 

Classic! So you are saying she is delusional and she doesn't know the difference between his rock hard penis and the gear shift?

[Final Answer]

So you are saying that what she described about this other guy, she read to much into? I don't think so.

 

"Maybe you just thought it was his crotch"

 

Classic! So you are saying she is delusional and she doesn't know the difference between his rock hard penis and the gear shift?

 

I think it was altogether possible that she was so emotionally and sexually charged up due to her lack of intimacy with her husband that she began to imagine and even wish that this guy was coming on to her. Have you ever seen a woman when she's fantasizing ... eyes closed, head back? She did this and then most likely rested her hand on the shifter and fantasized it was the guy's hard penis.

[PandorasBox]

IMO if you want things to improve with your husband, you need to communicate to him how you feel about things. Perhaps get into some marriage counseling or individual counseling as well.

 

 

I would imgaine with an air about how flawless your face is and how you look after having a child is hardly a way to get your point across. Have you told him what you told us here? That you look pretty damn good and he doesn't? If so or you even have that slightly air about that around him, no wonder he does nothing to improve himself. He probably figures if you look good why should he, maybe he feels he doesn't have a reason to look good or take care of himself better. Someone can be hot on the outside and body be beautiful etc, but have a crap or arrogant attitude, maybe thats the side he sees from you? Help him to be a better person, with love understanding and encourgement. Not with a damn I look good but you don't kind of attitude.

[Kenyth]

And Regis says, "Troll? Is that your Final Answer?"

[ilmw]

Talk to your husband.... write to him if you have too... find out why is not taking care of himself... be nice. Be caring. He could be depressed and does not know what is wrong with himself? He may be struggling inside.. Loss of self respect.

 

He may sence someting is not right with you and, that only makes it harded for him....one more thing to think about..(worry)

 

Is he stresses out at work... or what??

 

This happened to me... put on 35lbs. The heavier I got the more piss poor my attitude got... Life in general. I cold not figure out what was wrong with me....(totaly lost) My wife told me she was not attracted to me... I took it that she thought I was fat! There I went even more depressed...but could not bring myself to do anything about it.

 

I finally discovered my issues.... lost the weight.

 

He may need a kick up the ass.... but make it a nice kick.

 

Cheating on him is 'way the wrong way to go'..... Sex is not everything (and this is coming from a guy! hahaha) You married him for a reason... try and remember that.

 

Try and read some books on saving relationships.... there is also lots of stuff on the web... that can give you a clue for free.

 

About this friend?.... NO FRIEND TRIES TO SLEEP WITH A FRIENDS WIFE ... FLIRT... TOUCH etc.......!!!!!!

 

He sounds like a player! Like what was already said on this thread.... he most likely knows some of your marital problems from his "friend"... your husband!

 

He senses your vulnerability and is most likely wants to take advantage of that.....

 

I was hit on by a friends wife a several years ago, before I got married. They were having problems.... I was a friend... I talked to her like a friend... and asked her to speak with him about here complaints. They did speak... and were a better couple last I heard... I was a real friend. (No.. I don't think I some kind of hero...but I know what a friend is)

 

Think about it....real hard

[LittleLady]

Did I say once a week? I exaggerated. I meant about once every month> I thought he put my hand on the stick shift? Are you kidding me. I HAVE EYES YOU KNOW. I saw where he put my hand. Any nitwit can tell the difference between feeling clothing (pants) and a piece of plastic.

[JadeStar]

So what are your plans on the situation?

[a4a]

[FONT=&quot]

My husband and I only have sex about 1 time a week THE MOST! I'm sorry honey but no woman needs sex more than once a week! Nymphomania is a serious condition so you certainly should have this checked out. Usually when a woman marries a man that effectively ends her desire for sex so it's obvious that the problem lies with you.

 

.

 

 

[/FONT]

 

 

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao:

 

Wow I had no idea that wanting sex more than once a week was wrong. OOOOPSY! Shoot.... My poor H, I forced a BJ on him last night! That poor poor man....... forced sex on him 4 times already this week..... You are right I need help too!

 

 

Now back to reality......

 

You need to get this friend out of your life ASAP. You need to communicate your needs to your H. I would say you need to make an appt. for MC ASAP.

[Guest]

Awwwwwwwwww you're so young and pretty and perfect!!! What do you want, a trophy for that? All those hang-ups on physical perfection would make your husband feel like crap. Why should he bother to lose weight when he will never be as perfect as you! So much of your attitude is about his looks and how you react to them, but I'm not seeing anything about how he treats you and how you feel about that.

 

Your attitude is immature. Did you marry this man for what he looked like? Did you marry him because he complimented you? I will tell you this: both your husband and *gasp* yourself will change physically over the years. If you married him because he looked good, you will dump him soon because he looks bad.

 

So this guy paid attention to you. Well, wasn't that flattering? Was he 'perfect'? I know it's an ego-booster to have someone to pay attention to you, but is it really worth ruining your marriage, and separating your child from his father?

 

In two words: Grow Up

[Sal Paradise]

You must really hate your husband to be willing to destroy him by sleeping with his so-called friend.

 

Divorce this poor man so he can find a REAL woman.

[LittleLady]

Thanks for the juvenile attacks on myself and my character GUEST. Take your own advice... grow up and some balls while you are at it to post with your REAL name! HA!

 

Excuse me, but If my hubby can't get it up at least once a month, yeah im out.

[Outcast]

So this whole thing about love pretty much escapes you? And the marriage vows 'for better or worse' were just a bunch of words? From what you've written, life is all about you. Never mind that your husband might have a medical problem. Or maybe that he can tell you aren't attracted to him anymore and is depressed. Or maybe that your exceedingly high opinion of yourself based on looks alone is a clue to how well he's treated at home.

 

I can just imagine you being delighted to have sex with someone who clearly isn't interested in you anymore. In his situation you'd do the same thing.

 

You've had very good advice here. If you actually love the man, you'd be concerned for his health and wanting to go to counselling with him to iron this out. However it seems to me that you're planning to chase sex wherever you can get it. That'll work for you for another few years until age works its magic on you and maybe if age also bestows a touch of wisdom, you'll kick yourself for getting rid of a good guy.

[Sup]

Thanks for the juvenile attacks on myself and my character GUEST. Take your own advice... grow up and some balls while you are at it to post with your REAL name! HA!

 

Excuse me, but If my hubby can't get it up at least once a month, yeah im out.

 

 

Please do your hubby a favor and DON'T RIDE OM. Like you havn't thought of this. Sorry for the bluntness, but hey, I'm sure hubby don't want you to do this. I don't know how old both of you are, (not asking) but I assume you are both in your 30's, I have heard that's about the time when a mans sex drive diminishes, and a womans really takes off. Tell your husband about EVERYTHING, even the temptations with his "friend" and other men. Also tell him about the weight not being appealing to you and that ADDS to the temptation, make SURE hubby listens to you! Sure he may be mad and/or hurt, but aleast you havn't done anything, make sure you assure him of THAT! Get marriage counseling. And while your at it, ask hubby to get Enzite or Viagra (not trying to promote these, check with a doctor first!) and RIDE HUBBY ALL NIGHT LONG! Hope this helps!