brenda829 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 :lmao::lmao:Hi My name is Brenda, a married 35 year old female with a beautiful daughter. I am married to a muslim born and raised in Istanbul, Turkey. I am a canadian christian. I have been thinking about separating from my husband for quite some time now. He treats me like garbage, when he gets angry at me he will call me names like bitch,slut,whore, fat pig. It would be no big deal if this was just once in a while, I go through this almost everyday since I have been married to him(7) years:(....................Little things make him explode he will often go into a rage and push me around the house, that is if I talk back to him. He has turned into a compulsive gambler and there are times that me and my daughter will have to go without things because of his compulsion to gambling. His idea of a date is get a babysitter and go to the casino where I can watch him throw the majority of his pay, and giving me $100.00 for me and my daughter. Often times are bills are behind...............I can't live like this nomore, but I don't want know how to separate:( I have never been alone I have always had someone there to live with and now I have a little child to worry about:( He went out last night and did not show up till 5 am in the morning. He said he was at the casino, but the casino closes at 4 am so where was he for an hour?? I am very suspicious that he is having an affair............I have turned so cold towards him for over a year, I quit being intimate with him and I sleep by myself in my own bed. I feel he has done this to me as he is always undermining me and calling me really vulgar names and right in front of my little 6 year old:( He often pushes me around in front of my daughter........what kind of life for my daughter to witness this, I don't want her to think it is normal to be pushed around and belittled by her future mate:( I am jsut so confused. He never really takes me and my daughter anywhere we are left at home while he gets to go out whenever he likes, the only place he takes us to is shopping, weekends he goes from around 9:30pm -3:00 am. I don't know what to make out of any of this any suggestions would be greatly appreciated:) Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 The fear of being alone is no reason to stay with someone. You seem genuinely unhappy in your situation, and you are teaching your daughter that this kind of relationship, and the way her feather treats you, is OK...which will put her at a huge disadvantage when she becomes an adult and has to deal with the fallout of growing up with parents who are emotionally cold to one another, abusive, and paralyzed with fear. Talk to a DV (domestic violence) shelter. Tkae steps to save money for you and your daughter if possible and try to get away from the situaiton so you can get some perspective about where you are right now, and figure out where you want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I am so sorry for you and your daughter, you must feel totally trapped and so so scared. I understand the muslim thing and how they treat their wives, especially those who came to Canada not so long ago. Dear lady you must escape and NOT tell him anything until you are resettled. If he has family here in Canada and especially if he has family from his country of origin, you must always be on guard and NOT to allow them to contact you until you have seen a lawyer and protected yourself AND your daughter and under no circumstance allow your husband to be with the child alone nor any of his family. See a lawyer IMMEDIATELY do not wait, take her to a shelter, then see a lawyer get a total restraining order where he will not be permitted to see her without court apponited supervision, FIGHT THIS THING, But please please please, do not threaten him with this, do not even hint that you're leaving, just pack your necessary belongings for you and your child and get out............ With the type of work I do for a living, not to scare you but we ahve a list of shildren who have been taken from their mothers to another country that does not recognize Canada's laws. So please be very cautious..... Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I agree with CC- I've known women who have had abusive ex's who have all of a sudden taken the children to another country- where the mom's never see them again. He is abusive and there are places that will help you get out. Please get to one before he crosses the line and hurts your or your daughter worse than he already has. She's old enough to know the story- you do not want her to think this is how marriage really is! Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I agree that this marriage would best be ended, and that you must be especially cautious of your safety, and your daughter's personal security. Don't let your husband suspect that you are thinking of leaving. Get your car in good running condition, get money and credit together, and GO! Preferably to a friend or family member whom he can't readily locate. Failing that, a shelter. Like the others, I would fear very strongly for abduction of your daughter to Turkey. Perhaps a lawyer could help you with getting your husband's passport temporarily revoked, or taking other steps to make it harder for him to take her out of the country while you two are in conflict. I just can't over-emphasize the danger that you two may be in. Your H comes from a culture where women rarely "act out" - i.e. leave abusive men. If they do, they are beaten or murdered. Please stay safe! Also, do not let your H know about any of your plans, and do NOT let him see any of this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 what kind of life for my daughter to witness this, I don't want her to think it is normal to be pushed around and belittled by her future mate:( I am just so confused. I don't think you're confused at all. Children learn what they live and these are the lessons your daughter will take into her own future relationships as long as you continue to permit them to happen. You already know what you must do to protect yourself and your daughter from this abuser so you don't need us to tell you. I hope you do it soon. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 I am all for leaving, but what happens when my time is up with the shelter? I don't want to be thrown out on the streets and be expected to fend for my daughter and pets, I have to plan this to the best way that I know how, I was thinking if I stay with him a month or two longer, no more than that, and put a little money away for my first months rent along with a damage deposit it can make it more easy for us to survive. I don't know, what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Brenda, You're in Canada my dear we have built a good security net for those who use it and know how to..... Here's what you do, tomorrow, I'm not sure what city or province you're in hun, but if you can just give me a clue, I will get you some info. Don't tell me what city, just give me a hint ( I'm pretty smart) and I will see what I can find out for you. Now I'm not trying to tell you what to do OK? But if what you say is the situation, I'm in law enforcement here, not the city police type either but FED. I can maybe get info for you that will help you get through this. If you want PM me if you can..... But promise me one thing, you will follow up on it before he does something you may regret fo rthe rest of your life.... OK? Good luck hun, I hate to see this kind of crap ... Most of us here are here because we care or we're hurting and I've been helped by many here and it's my time to give back so pleae please please for oyur own and your dauthers good get some help OK? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 I really appreciate the time you are giving me and my situation.We have a Univerisity here. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 try this site. they might help if I read you right about where you are OK? If you have problems with this one I think I can find more. Link to post Share on other sites
CryingCanuck Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 If you need some more help, try PMing me and I will see what I can come up with. REmember we are here to help you as much as we can but you will have to do some leg work too. OK? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 4, 2006 Author Share Posted July 4, 2006 Hi, thanks again for the links, my husband does not know how to type and does not have any use for my computer:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 4, 2006 Author Share Posted July 4, 2006 do you think the courts will not give my husband any rights to taking our daughter out of the country, my daughter has my maiden name so will that give me more pull? I am so scared when I see that some women said that they knew of women that had there children taken out of there country and never did see there child ever again. If I lost my child in this manner I would not want to live anymore:( My child is all I have and the dr's said that I cannot have no more children as she was my miracle baby, I was not suppose to have kids because of medical reasons. I thank God for the wonderful gift he has given to me and I would never want to lose such a pecaious gift:( It would kill me, I told my daughter that if she ever take her to the airport to tell the authorities that she is being kidnapped away from her mom and they will stop them, wouldn't they?? Link to post Share on other sites
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