brenda829 Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I have to think of a plan in order to leave my emotionally,verbally and mentally abusive husband, and to top it off he is a compulsive gambler.............Please how can I make a plan to separate from him? He won't leave so I am going to have too. I have pets that have to be a part of my separation plans as well as my daughter, I cannot leave my pets with him as they would starve:( I don't have any source of employment or any type of emotional support as my parents are deceased:( Please help me to take the steps necessary so my daughter, myself and my pets would have a easy transition. I don't know anyone here so that is out of the question:( Link to post Share on other sites
justagirliegirl Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Probably not what you are going to want to hear. Find good homes for the pets. Call a domestic violence shelter and they will help you get out. They can help you get a lawyer too. Once you are out for awhile, work on getting some training so you can support yourself and your child. Don't ever put your life and well being into someone elses hands again. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I agree. Your best bet is to work through a shelter to get you and your daughter out of the abusive situation and help you get on your feet. The court will order child support and you're entitled to an equitable share of any assets. As for the pets, they'll likely require new homes. You can contact an animal rescue group that will care for and place them. You and your daughter have to come first. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Some links on how to make safety plans for leaving as well as for while you're at home: [/url] Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 You' pets are part of your family. This will be hard enough for you and your daughter without losing them, too. There is help out there for you and your pets. check out the link below for help in your area: There are a lot of shelters out there for women, kids, AND their pets. You didn't list where you are so I couldn't check in your state. Good luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 3, 2006 Author Share Posted July 3, 2006 You are right I would never and could never part with my kitty I took him in when he was an abandoned little one, he was homeless and I had the compassion to take him in to my home, he helps me and my daughter therapy wise, when times are tough at home he makes us feel better:) I could never have the heart to part with my beautiful kitty, he was abandoned once and he will never be abandoned again, ever...........I am from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan,...........Canada.........I hope everyone understands this. He is my best friend as strange as it may sound, every time I am upset my kitty must sense it because he will come to me and jump on my lap as if he truly understands the emotional abuse I face almost daily, I was thinking that maybe if I put money aside for a month or two I would be able to put my pets in a shelter until I am on my feet and in my own apartment or something? Any suggestions is really appreciated. thank you all for your kindness in answering me, I forgot to add that he is a Turkish Muslim and I am a Canadian christian. I don't know how they are raised in there country but I know I was not raise in canada to be puched and yelled at and sworn at in my face:lmao:, the words he calls me in front of my 6 year old is slut bitch whore, fat pig really degrading words:lmao: this is almost everyday of my life with him since I married him. I can't take it anymore. I have to do something as it is really tearing me up..........When he argues with me and swears at me if I tell him to shut the f*** up he will raise his fist and shake it in a rage at me, however he has never hit me with his fist he has slapped me and pushed and kicked me in front of my child, I know that this is not healthy for her to say the least:mad:. I am glad I found this forum because I don't have any type of support and I really can use it now more than anything as I finally decided it is time to pack my kid and pets and leave. I just don't know how to go about it. I have always had someone there for me to live with a relationship on the rebound. Since I was 19 this is the type of life I had living with guys that physically abused me and undermined me and now I just want it to STOP!!!!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
ilmw Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Kicking and slapping is still assault..... as per the Criminal Code of Canada. and doing it in front of your kids is something the Childrens Aid Society would take exception too! I don't know the Domestic Violence Policy in Sask, but in Ontario it is ZERO Tolerance. If you don't want him to get arrested and you hurt....get out ASAP. Because in my experience... the longer this goes on... the worse it gets! I have seen this more than I care to mention... and it is always is sad. But hitting a spouse is wrong! I am not trying to tell you what to do... but for the sake of yourself and your child... do something. Listen to the others who posted the resources. Also most police services across Canada have very good victim services. If you go that route. Just my biased opinion ilmw Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 he helps me and my daughter therapy wise, when times are tough at home he makes us feel better:) Then please don't leave him behind. Sounds like you need him as much as he needs you. If need be, you could find a no-kill shelter, speak to the manager, explain the situation and tell them you would be back for him in x-number of days. From what I've read, a lot of shelters will help in cases like this. What your H is doing is ugly. I'm so glad to hear you are going to break the cycle for you and your daughter. Keep us posted and be safe. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 well, I have told him to leave our home that we are renting, but he never takes me seriously and says aw you love me you don't want me to leave, how can I make him leave I am miserable:( I feel smothered and don't honestly know what to do, there are times he acts like he loves me and then there are times he treats me terribly (15%) can be good times, the bad times are 85% of the time.,...................what can I do? I also decided that when me and my daughter do separate from him that I am going to tell her that her daddy is working out of town somewhere and can only see her once in a while when he comes to town, I am not going to tell her that we are separating or getting a divorce.Any suggestions?? Link to post Share on other sites
Lor Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 If he won't leave, you need to leave him. Open your own bank accounts, start searching for a place to live--preferrably far away. If you can't afford that, check with women's shelters in your area to see what is available and what they can do for you. Other than feeling smothered, how are you doing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Right now I am ok:) I was feeling a bit closterphobic but that will soon be behind me when I decide to go on my own, I don't know exactly when but in my heart I know I have to do it soon other wise I am never going to find happiness.I am very happy to say I am glad I have found you all, you are all very neat and wonderful people here with great advice and wonderful suggestions but I have to make a move. I can talk and talk but can I walk the walk? I have a fear of never being loved the way I want to be loved by my man. I have a fear that I will be alone:( I have always been dependant on others and not myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brenda829 Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 I am feeling really sad and down today almost like the whole world is against me and not for me, I guess maybe I am in a slump of self pitty, but I am going to reverse that right now and dust myself off as today is a new day:)I hope everyone is doing better than I am I just feel like a total basket case:( Link to post Share on other sites
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