Guest Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I've been dating a wonderful guy for 3 1/2 years, he's 55 and I'm 49. I don't want to get married yet, but he's already decided he won't ever get married. Do I leave and find someone more open to it? Our only issue is that he doesn't think of the long term in our relationship. Confused. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 I don't think he could get any more clear than that. He doesn't want to get married. It doesn't sound like he's not open to a long term relationship between the two of you. You didn't say he wouldn't date you forever or even live with you. He simply doesn't want to get married. People's minds change as well. Could happen down the road that he may want to get married and you may not. Right now, on this date, if you are looking for someone open to marriage in the future you may want to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 Do you leave? Well, it really depends how important marriage is to you. If it's high on your list, then you'll never be completely happy with him so you should leave. If it's not high on your priority and you're happy with him, I'd stay. Link to post Share on other sites
HokeyReligions Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 If he's not thinking long-term and you are then you two really need to discuss this. It could be a deal-breaker for both of you. It's hard, especially at our age, to 'wait it out' and hope he changes his mind. He might not - is that something you can live with? I don't know what your backgrounds are or what experiences you have each had - but its a good opportunity to explore these things and the reasons that he does not want to marry. His reasons may become your reasons - I'm sure you don't want to marry someone who may at some time feel that he was pressured into it. Have a good discussion now. Listen to each other and then 'meet' again in a couple of weeks to discuss those things again after you have each had time to think about the other's POV. Then, if its still a go and you each think you can make adjustments in your own attitudes and points of view - set a timeline to discuss the permanence of your relationship. Maybe in a year and at that time you can talk and make a decision on if you think going forward together is good or if you should part. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 3, 2006 Share Posted July 3, 2006 What are you confused about? He's made it perfectly clear he doesn't want to be married. He may very well think of your relationship as long-term but to him, that simply doesn't include marriage. If, at some point in time, you do begin to think of marriage it will likely be time to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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