spa massages???

[Guest]

Hi I read lots of posts and have answered some when I think I can help but I've never posted my own. Just asking what people think: my boyfriend and I have been having problems for about 5 months before that things were good for 2 years. Part of the problem is that I have caught him lying a few times and it has caused a lot of tension. He's usually with me or at work and I never thought he would cheat but like I said he has lied. Yesterday, I found out that he went to a massage spa one month ago and never told me. When I found out I asked him if he had ever gotten a massage before and he said yes, he used to get them all the time. Then, he tells me about the times his friends got "personal" massages at this place but claims his were always professional. Mind you, he said this was a long time ago. So then I ask if he actually went last month and he got mad and said he knew I'd found out (I had just found out a few hours ago and he couldn't know) so he was just trying to make me admit that. Thing is he got really mad but I hadn't snooped to find out I was told by someone. Then, he said once that nothing bad happened there but he'd just gotten through telling me what his friends had done at this very same place so I know it's possible. He said he never told me about it and said, "what would you have said if I said I was getting a massage." However, I had in the past suggested he get a professional massage when his back hurt because I try but I'm not as good as a professional and also our big struggle lately has been: don't lie to me or hide anything. What would you think. I probably went on too long and appretiate if anyone has an opinion for me maybe I'm not seeing things too clearly. Thanks

[john2776]

It seems your relationship is in a hole right now with 5 months of problems, and they seem to be because of trust issues - due to his lying. As long as you don't fully trust him, you will always find little things that just arn't right and you be suspicious and build stories in your head. You need to stop and think about what you want and what you believe. Make a decision to trust him, or move on.

In regards to the spa thing, I don't like the way he reacted. If he has done nothing wrong why is he angry? But the answer could be that he is sick of all the suspicions you have... I suggest you talk to him and make it clear that he needs to tell you what is going on, even if he thinks beforehand that you are not going to like it. He is trying to avoid a problem, and that makes the problem worse! He shouldn't do that. If he continues to lie, then he is damaging the relationship, which eventually will force you to move on. Good luck, and I hope it doesn't come to that.