Do I ask my ex out again?

[silentcharon]

I went camping for the long weekend, to a friend's family reunion at a lake. I was invited along with my ex way before the break up nearly six months ago, and I planned on going regardless of whether my ex was going to be there or not. We both ended up going.

 

Well, I have a couple of questions.

 

If you read my previous threads, I have written that I have moved on to a point where I don't care whether he comes back or not. I am leaving the door open, but I'm done waiting for my ex.

 

There was a guy, my friend's older brother-K- he hit on me all weekend, and I didn't mind so much, he seemed really interested in me.

 

I am not sure of my status with the ex- for example, on saturday night for canada day, my ex and I went along with a bunch of people to sit on the beach to watch the fireworks. He grabbed me to sit down on him, he held me close and kinda kissed my ear. Throughout the weekend, we held hands occasionally and he'd give lingering hugs. We hung out a lot too, it was nice. I didn't say anything, as I was hitting on other guys, having a blast. He's been kissing me occasionally lately too.

 

One night, K sat down beside me by the bonfire and started chatting with my ex who was standing nearby. I turned around and asked my ex what they were talking about. "I'm telling him about us, how we're kinda together but not."

 

WTF? I kind of got mad how he told K that I was his girlfriend, kinda. It was as if he was telling him to back off, in a weird way. I wanted to ask him, what he meant by that.

 

I think he still loves me, and is still unsure what to do now. Like I said, I am leaving the door open for him if he ever decides to come back. I am somewhat happy that he seems to be warming up to the idea of giving us another try, and yet, I don't want to push him because he did ask for his space. How do I ask him what is going on with us, without seeming too forward?

 

I decided I wouldn't go nc with him when we first broke up because I loved him too much to cut him out of my life totally. I have been treating him as a friend, while I've made an effort to change myself for the better (ie becoming more active, focussing on going to school, etc.) He broke up with me because we had become comfortably numb, we didn't do much together and we didn't talk much other than how was our day. I started seeing a counsellor, and found out I was depressed for the last couple of years and didn't even know it. I tried to tell my ex that my depression probably contributed to our problems, and it was the reason why I never wanted to go anywhere. He would not believe it, and he added that he also needed space so he could figure out how he has screwed up his life (debts and stuff.).

 

I have been slowly working on my depression, I was diagnosed with clinical depression- meaning that some chemicals in my brain is imbalanced and I will have to take anti depressant pills for the rest of my life to balance that out. I feel a lot better now, even after being diagnosed with ms, I like the way I am now.

 

During this time period from the break up to now, we have been doing a lot of things together, like going for bike rides and going to green houses with coffee in the mornings. I feel a whole heck lot better about myself than I have in the last two years, and I think it may be possible my ex is starting to realize that I was right. I stopped seeing my counsellor last week, as I felt that it was time for me to go on my own. It's almost as if we started working on our problems while being broken up.

 

We still get along great, and people STILL ask us, "Are you back together or what?"

 

My best friend thinks it's crap, how I'm letting this break up linger. "Out of all the mistakes people make after break ups, you two are masters at this one!" She added after giving me a lecture on how I should ask him straight up whether we're together or not.

 

I have thought about just asking him out again, myself, and if he says no, I will try nc this time to allow both of us to move on, more for him as he is the one who is still confused. But then, he knows that I want a second chance, (I told him many months ago that, and left it at that.), so if he's thinking about asking me out again, should I wait? I just don't want to wait anymore, as there's K who I would really like to get to know better.

 

The signs are clear to me and everyone else that he still loves me, so I have the advantage of the knowledge.

 

He even drove me two hours north from the campsite so I could see my mom in Edmonton for a few hours yesterday. Ex's don't do that right? He also told me he wanted to take me to Kelowna to his aunt's house so we could pick berries on the farm like the old days. Ex's don't do that either.

 

How do I play this right? I feel like I am so close to a breakthrough. I want to ask him what's up with us, kind of steer him toward getting back together, but also remind him that I am done waiting for him and I want to move on. Sorry if this post is soooo long, any input would be appreciated.

[magichands]

One night, K sat down beside me by the bonfire and started chatting with my ex who was standing nearby. I turned around and asked my ex what they were talking about. "I'm telling him about us, how we're kinda together but not."

 

WTF?

 

WTF, indeed. But kind of a relationship is better than none at all, right?

 

I decided I wouldn't go nc with him when we first broke up because I loved him too much to cut him out of my life totally. I have been treating him as a friend,

 

He even drove me two hours north from the campsite so I could see my mom in Edmonton for a few hours yesterday. Ex's don't do that right? He also told me he wanted to take me to Kelowna to his aunt's house so we could pick berries on the farm like the old days. Ex's don't do that either.

 

But friends do.

 

I want to ask him what's up with us, kind of steer him toward getting back together, but also remind him that I am done waiting for him and I want to move on.

 

Sounds a bit like blackmail. The emotional kind.

 

And you don't need his permission to move on.

 

What is different from when you broke up?

[silentcharon]

WTF, indeed. But kind of a relationship is better than none at all, right?

 

 

 

 

 

But friends do.

 

 

 

Sounds a bit like blackmail. The emotional kind.

 

And you don't need his permission to move on.

 

What is different from when you broke up?

 

 

Yes, a kind of relationship is better than none, but this way, neither one of us can move on and that is not fair. I just want to know what the heck we're doing, I guess.

 

We do things together a lot now, whether I'm with him or my friends, I go out a lot more now. We confide in each other more, in short, communciation has become better. It was one of the problems before we broke up, I found it hard to talk to him because I was afraid I would lose him if I confided in him too much so to speak. It had quite the opposite effect, he broke up with me because I hardly told him anything.

 

I get the butterflies in my stomach sometimes when I see him, and he seems to be happy when he sees me. I feel as though we are still dating, even though it isn't official, it's driving me nuts.

 

I'm a happier person in general now, I am not sure if it is because I am single, or because I am slowly working on my mental health. I would still love to have this guy in my life as a friend or otherwise. I hope this answers your question.

[silentcharon]

Also, I wanted to add, yes, friends do things like that, but he's not the sort of person who would go that far for a friend.

[CO2]

silentcharon, it looks as if you are completely in love with the ex, still. I personally think you should get real aggressive on the status of the relationship, and don't make yourself wait, any longer. Let him know that you want to know, so you can get on with your life, if not. Don't sound rude about it, but definitely make it known what you want. Tell him how much you love him, and if you really do want to spend the rest of your life with him, let him know. I want to see you being the one to pop the big question, when it comes time, also.

 

If he says he doesn't want to pursue the relationship, you don't necessarily have to cut contact, but let him know that you are going to be seeing others, and he needs to keep his space, if you do still hang out.

 

Personally, I like to keep contact with my exes, and sometimes hang out. They were friends as well as partners, so why do you have to lose a friendship.

 

Keep K out of the picture, until you are 100% sure of what your ex wants. If the love is as strong as you say, you'll be together, with the ex for a LONG time.

 

Good Luck in whatever it is you decide to do.

[silentcharon]

silentcharon, it looks as if you are completely in love with the ex, still. I personally think you should get real aggressive on the status of the relationship, and don't make yourself wait, any longer. Let him know that you want to know, so you can get on with your life, if not. Don't sound rude about it, but definitely make it known what you want. Tell him how much you love him, and if you really do want to spend the rest of your life with him, let him know. I want to see you being the one to pop the big question, when it comes time, also.

 

If he says he doesn't want to pursue the relationship, you don't necessarily have to cut contact, but let him know that you are going to be seeing others, and he needs to keep his space, if you do still hang out.

 

Personally, I like to keep contact with my exes, and sometimes hang out. They were friends as well as partners, so why do you have to lose a friendship.

 

Keep K out of the picture, until you are 100% sure of what your ex wants. If the love is as strong as you say, you'll be together, with the ex for a LONG time.

 

Good Luck in whatever it is you decide to do.

 

Yes, I am still in love with this man, more the reason for me to move on if he still does not want a relationship. I really like the advice you have given me. I believe this break up was necessary for the both of us to work on ourselves, because it's been "us" for so long. We needed this space to find out what we wanted from life, and who we were as individuals.

 

I don't feel I should cut contact with him, so far, but I do feel that if he is still unsure, it may be necessary for me to initate nc so I can move on, more so for him. Everyone I have spoken to agrees that I should become more aggressive now that I am getting closer to breaking the ice. I shall tell him that while I love him, I need to know where we are heading now because I need to get on with my life. My heart, after all, must go on some day.