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your views on how No Contact can work


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I am interested to hear about other experiences of the No Contact phenomenon.

 

To cut a reeaally long story short_

 

Guy leading me on for ages, really good close friend, I fall for him pretty hard, he eventually says he sees me as a friend. He relies on me a lot emotionally and socially. We are best mates. But since he let me down (4 days ago) (with a massive thud and reality check); I don't even want to speak to him. I instinctively want no contact. I'm kinda angry that he doesn't love me back.

 

If i employ no contact for a while and he misses me is it possible he could have re-think or am i just kidding myself???

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Before you get too carried away, don't make the mistake I did. Make sure you're able to initiate the no-contact period first. And something else I've heard, communication is key. Make sure this person knows why you're doing it.

 

p.s. I'm really not sure if that advice works, it's just advice that I've been given. I can't even bring myself to initiate the no-contact period, so I'm really not sure. But I hope it helps.

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well i don't even WANT to phone him because i'm so cut up about it, so theres the no contact thing there BUT i'm sure within a couple of days i'll wanna call him because we speak to each other every day. I've already let his calls go to voicemail.

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maybe we've been friends for too long and are too familiar for him to have feelings for me...

 

I just wonder if no contact can work, or can make things worse...

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notmakingsense

You can't fault him for being honest with you. After all, you are his friend. Tell him you were hurt that he doesn't have the same level of feelings for you and that you are taking a break in order to get over it. In the mean-time, do your best to get past him and date others. He'll find out that you are doing just fine without his love, and then you'll truly see how he feels!

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Brittanyjean06

Nc can be good in many ways, but sometimes you need to hear from them and know what there up to, You don't have to have details

 

But I feel if my ex were to talk to me, I'd feel some what better and not always wondering how he really feels inside, I meen it would help me move on more Nc is only good to some extent

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we have got together before(we've never had sex or anything) but only when drunk.

i just feel sad about it all and that i'm in a lose-lose situation. I have to have space from him to get over it - therefore in effect ultimately i have to be not as close to him in the future in order to get rid of these feelings.

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:confused: I know exactly what you're going through. I, too, wish I knew the answer to your question.......it's killing me.........
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we have got together before(we've never had sex or anything) but only when drunk.

i just feel sad about it all and that i'm in a lose-lose situation. I have to have space from him to get over it - therefore in effect ultimately i have to be not as close to him in the future in order to get rid of these feelings.

 

I've been going through the same thing. I managed NC for about one week. Then I started e-mailing him telling him how he hurt me and how I didn't understand. He said he was sorry and that it was all him, nothing is wrong with me. I forgave him. Then he said we could e-mail only if we are just friends. I waited another week and then started sending notes again. The "friends only" is okay on some days then hard on others. He was such a good friend I didn't want to lose him, but I still have the feelings for him too. I am currently interested in someone at work and that has helped me a lot. It gives me someone else to think about too. I would say go with your gut feelings. If you think you can be friends only, then do it. If you think it would be too hard, then do the NC. Or, you could try being friends, then if it's too hard, you could initiate the NC and tell him why you're doing it. That's what my plan was. I know I might come to the point that I just can't stand talking to him knowing he doesn't feel like I do. For now we are just friends. Good luck, I know how much it hurts.

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So whats the conclusion? Is it ever possible to go back to being good friends without constant reminders of the pain/rejection and without your feelings getting in the way?

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i think in my experience i have only ever got over it after a couple of years! i don't think you can get over it over night. I think you have to gradually wean yourself off them , and i am starting to think that no contact is a bit extreme when you are such good friends. You are punishing the other person as well . It is not his "fault" he doesn't want me. I think gradual weaning off and just not seeing them AS much is the key. Because you still feel reasonably happy and normal because you are maintaining the friendship but you are in control of the situation because you have set your own boundaries.

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notmakingsense

The true test of whether or not you are ready to be friends is how you react when you know they have a new bf/gf. If that is painful for you, then you aren't ready.

 

Some people can do this without no contact, other people can't. There is no single answer -- you'll know what you are able to handle.

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Oh dear I feel like everyone is in the same situation as me!!! I've had exactly the same thing happen about 4 months ago.

 

I didn't want to speak to him either and said that I'd need to take some time out from hanging out with him. Which I did for about 2 weeks and then I missed him so went back to hanging out etc. I don't advise this as a good policy! It's been quite a painful 4 months, from me not responding to only wanting to see him around big bunches of people to seeing him socially just the 2 of us. He leaves the country soon and I'm actually looking forward to this as it will give me space to get over him.

 

In answer to your question Mishy "If i employ no contact for a while and he misses me is it possible he could have re-think or am i just kidding myself???"

 

I have to say my response would be no. I keep hoping he'll see the light and work out what a wonderful person I am. And then on rational days I realise that this isn't going to happen. For whatever reason this person is not interested in you in 'relationship' terms and there is no point banging your head against a brick wall, better to look for someone who does want to be with you.

 

I agree with Notmakingsense "The true test of whether or not you are ready to be friends is how you react when you know they have a new bf/gf. If that is painful for you, then you aren't ready."

 

With the above guy in question, I'd be very upset... so I'm not over him at all!

 

In terms of NC... I do this... "I'll call him later, like 9.30...ok now it's too late to call, I'll call tomorrow... next day.. ok I'll call tomorrow...' repeat... delay delay delay...

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