Feeling used by Ex

[Abbie78]

Recently, my ex and I were back in touch after breaking a year ago, and having no contact. I had moved on and felt I was pretty much over him, wondering what I saw in him in the first place. He treated me terribly, and really I should have finished with him long before he finally broke it off.

 

A few weeks ago told me he was very lonely, and felt that no one cared. He didn't actually say he wanted me back, but that he wanted me to go and see him. I had been thinking about it, and then last weekend I drove 200 miles to his town, waited to meet him. At first he was wonderful, being more like the romantic guy I'd first met, not the cold and distant person he became. Mostly we just cuddled and kissed, before going to his appartment. I spent the night with him, feeling pretty sure he would ask me to give things another try. However later the next day, he started acting cold towards me. He didn't even hug me goodbye, and I realised what a stupid mistake I made.

 

I feel like I've just been used, and sad because I am not good enough for him, and wonder what sort of girl he wants to be with in the long term. I'm also disappointed in myself, because I still have feelings for him, when I thought I was over him.

[Cathy1]

Sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.....

The good news is that if you have been really well for the whole year, that you will probably be fine after this incident pretty soon..... I really don't know what is happening in the head of your ex..... He has obviously, in some part, been longing after you, but my impression is that his desire was fulfilled too soon, he got what he wanted too soon (the same occasion you saw each other for the 1st time after NC) and got bored by it..or felt strange being intimate with you after all this time.... He should have tried harder..... His effort in this matter was minimal - also, you were the one that drove to him, not the other way around....

Nevertheless, forget about him for the time being, continue with your fabulous life and enjoying yourself. The most important thing is that you are not suffering, and I'm sure - with your history of 1 year of being well and getting over him - that you will be fine again. As for him - don't ask him any questions, or ask for explanations- just let him be - unfortunately - he is his own worst enemy. I don’t think that he doesn’t want to be with you bcs he thinks you are not good enough (or at least, you did not provide such information in ur post, except your doubt). I think it is something else - he's confused, maybe depressed, doesn’t know what he wants.....I think he still has feelings for you because I don’t think that after a year of NC he would have any desires to have sth with you if he didn’t feel SOMETHING.......

Also, pls tell me what do u think about my situation? Has he moved on after 3 months of NC?

Somehow my post seemed not to have attracted that much of attention, and I ‘m desperate for feedback! :-)

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

hey well im sorry to hear that ur feeling sad.. ive been in your situation...me and my ex went through alot in the beginning of last year... then by the end of the year it was like we were back but we werent exactly.....

 

he had told me he wanted me back but never took me back...and his friend who is like my brother tells me things he tells him sometimes.. he recently told me that he had said that he still had feelings for me but wasnt sure if he wanted to go back out with me.... the last time i saw him was in december and i saw him six months later....and the day we saw each other again he had said those things to his friend....

 

we see each other practically every week now since i have my licence and he got happy because he said that now he can see me more...but he also is different sometimes.. he might be very sweet and romantic when its just me and him but kind of distant when his friends are with us...he tries to be near me but its like he doesnt want to becuse his friends are there...

 

im confused but right mow im trying to get him back..because ive realised i want to be with him.. nd ive tried being with other people but i dont feel right ..hes the only one who makes me feel safe confortable and HAPPY.....people say fight for love and thats what ima doing...i know im going to go thru many things that will bring me down and sometimes up.. but im going to keep trying....

 

i hope my story helps you a bit...goodluck

 

P.S your ex as well as my ex is probably confused....

[Abbie78]

Thanks for the advice Cathy and Da_1_n_OnlyN3na,

 

I hope both of your situations turn out well.

I think my ex was mostly after bit of fun, although I know he had feelings for me at one time. I think I let him down, because he told a friend, I wasn't the girl he thought I was, and that he said that haven't had enough boyfriends before him, as he is the only guy I have slept with. I know he also gets confused, not knowing what he wants. I think he's in love with another girl, who already has someone and is getting married next year. It's all typical I think, love being unkind etc.

[Poboy]

well , yes you have been used and the sad part is you allowed yourself to be used. If you had moved on , why did you have to go back to him... Did you really move on or still have something for this guy ( driving 200 miles shows you do )

 

I would say learn from this rather than blaming yourself too much as not to give in to temptations from the past , i know at times its tough but thats what best for you and your life . Let him be wherever he wants to and dont fall in his nice talks and you should look out for the future , there are great guys out there waiting

[Cathy1]

Dear Abbie,

 

everything will be ok – you will see.. If he was your fist “real” boyfriend, then no wonder you still feel so much attached to him…But it will go away……… There will be many, many more guys:-) more break-ups and probably more tears :-( but that’s the part of life…….

However, the crucial thing is to always have your self-respect and never invest in the relationship more than the other party is willing to invest… Don't make your boyfriend your whole world, as, the majority of relationships in the end do not work out, so don't stop your life over some guy who might dump you soon or who may become a bore so you would have to dump him……

It is important to learn from our experiences, as, if we keeping making the same mistakes, it will result in the same situations over and over again…….

As for this guy, as I told you earlier, let him be – don't ask for explanations or accuse him of anything… I would even now probably pretend that the one-night stand was actually the only thing I also had in mind…… So that he doesn't think that he tricked you or something…….. Anyway, what can you loose? At least you would confuse him, and that is always good…….. :-)

[attheready]

Recently, my ex and I were back in touch after breaking a year ago, and having no contact. I had moved on and felt I was pretty much over him, wondering what I saw in him in the first place. He treated me terribly, and really I should have finished with him long before he finally broke it off.

 

A few weeks ago told me he was very lonely, and felt that no one cared. He didn't actually say he wanted me back, but that he wanted me to go and see him. I had been thinking about it, and then last weekend I drove 200 miles to his town, waited to meet him. At first he was wonderful, being more like the romantic guy I'd first met, not the cold and distant person he became. Mostly we just cuddled and kissed, before going to his appartment. I spent the night with him, feeling pretty sure he would ask me to give things another try. However later the next day, he started acting cold towards me. He didn't even hug me goodbye, and I realised what a stupid mistake I made.

 

I feel like I've just been used, and sad because I am not good enough for him, and wonder what sort of girl he wants to be with in the long term. I'm also disappointed in myself, because I still have feelings for him, when I thought I was over him.

 

 

Sounds like the story of my recent past, babe. I had to come to this forum( by accident) to see that I was being used as a back up. He knew he could have you because you let yourself be had. I have been there and done that....geeze that Tee shirt has a ot of holes in it...You gotta laugh now, Abbie.

 

O.K. you had some nice huggs and kisses and prolly "threw-down" on the night before, you were sure he was gonna ask you back......I had that too.

 

I'll bet that in your head you 2 were making love......you weren't. I thought she and I were making love...we weren't. Your ex and mine were just replacing sex for something else that they weren't getting at that point in there lives. I know why my episode happend...now you must figure out why your's happend. IT IS A BITCH!!!!

Perhaps he was feeling lonley or just missed YOU.....either way, you came running, just like I did. You got what you thought would be a reuniting experience...me too. It don't work that way girl.... you were giving and he was taking...sorry but; the truth sux.

If there is such a thing as true love, you 2 will find you way back to eachother. I still believe that me and my ex are "soul mates" and I still can't see my world, as being as beautiful as it was, when I woke up next to her but; every day get's just a tiny bit better. Even though I though I was gonna die.

Keep coming back here and venting....it helped me and it will help you.

 

Me? I'm just hanging in the shadows...getting on with life. Not looking for that "someone", I'm getting good with my cats and fish tanks in my new condo!

 

Walk around naked in your livingroom, don't shave your legs ( or anything else,LOL) untill you damned well fel like it. Crank up YOUR favorite tunes, babe!!

It's your life....live it!

 

 

I want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has offered up thier support in these forums.....PEACE, Greg

[Abbie78]

I've found lot of good advice on this forum, not only in the response to this thread, but I've read some useful things on other posts too. 'Smug's' thread is very helpful. Though I've probably lost respect from my ex, for giving too much too soon.

 

'Cathy1' and 'Poboy'; You are right, sure many more guys will come along, although its hard for me to imagine being with anyone else at the moment. A little like 'Da_1_n_OnlyN3na', said it doesn't feel right. Guess I have to heal again before dating other guys. One of these days, he will tell me he's met someone, and I'll hurt badly.

I'm not going to ask for any explainations though, or accuse him of anything, I'll just give him the impression I'm cool with it all.

 

'attheready': Sorry to hear you have been in a similar situation recently. I can imagine how you must be feeling, and I hope things are soon much better. Getting on with your life and not looking for that "someone" sounds about the right thing to do. It's possible that that 'someone' may turn up when you are not looking for them.

[Da_1_n_OnlyN3na]

...lol... yeah i agree with you abbie78.....

 

and also do whats right for you do what you think will be best for you if youve been following ur mind lately try following ur heart for once or mayb the opposite.....