Breaking up a good relationship?

[Panda34]

The basics: I'm 26, he's 29. We've been together 7 years. Lived together for 5 years. We have a very loving, caring relationship generally speaking.

 

Here's my thing: I feel like at this point I should be feeling the urge to marry but the thought of him actually proposing to me (he has brought it up a few times and I just laugh it off) scares the s*** out of me. He's the only guy I've ever dated more than three months (and my only ever sexual partner). I think there's part of me that feels like I'm middle-aged and living some life (comfortable, domestic life) that's not mine, but I love him at the same time.

 

I don't know if he has any of these same thoughts—to all appearances he has never seemed to...I'm afraid to bring it up because I feel like that's such a huge pandora's box and once it's open, well, there's no going back.

 

I'm just very confused. Shouldn't I feel ready to marry him by this point? I mean, 7 years! And if I don't feel that, does that mean the relationship isn't meant to be? And what about the fact that I feel like I'm too young and too inexperienced to make such a big decision but, in reality, there's no way to get that experience or perspective without ending the relationship?

 

Please help. Would love to hear from anyone who got married/is still together with their early-college sweetheart and whether you've ever had these concerns and what you did. Or just anyone who has any thoughts on the situation.

[silentcharon]

The basics: I'm 26, he's 29. We've been together 7 years. Lived together for 5 years. We have a very loving, caring relationship generally speaking.

 

Here's my thing: I feel like at this point I should be feeling the urge to marry but the thought of him actually proposing to me (he has brought it up a few times and I just laugh it off) scares the s*** out of me. He's the only guy I've ever dated more than three months (and my only ever sexual partner). I think there's part of me that feels like I'm middle-aged and living some life (comfortable, domestic life) that's not mine, but I love him at the same time.

 

I don't know if he has any of these same thoughts—to all appearances he has never seemed to...I'm afraid to bring it up because I feel like that's such a huge pandora's box and once it's open, well, there's no going back.

 

I'm just very confused. Shouldn't I feel ready to marry him by this point? I mean, 7 years! And if I don't feel that, does that mean the relationship isn't meant to be? And what about the fact that I feel like I'm too young and too inexperienced to make such a big decision but, in reality, there's no way to get that experience or perspective without ending the relationship?

 

Please help. Would love to hear from anyone who got married/is still together with their early-college sweetheart and whether you've ever had these concerns and what you did. Or just anyone who has any thoughts on the situation.

 

I was with my ex for just over six years. He proposed to me when we were 16 and 17. A couple of years later, I asked him if we were still going to get married, we agreed that we were pretty young back then, so we agreed to just take it a day a time. That worked fine with me, I didn't care if we got married or not- I would have been perfectly happy if we dated exclusively for years.

 

I can only tell you this: If you are not sure this man is the one, the only way to find out is by testing the ocean out there. Don't ever feel like you should marry just because you've dated him for a long time. Marry him because you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. Or just don't get married, but date him exclusively for as long as you two want to. It works for some people, it might work for you.

[witabix]

Here are my thoughts Pandora.

 

I was promiscuous when I was young and at various times since.

 

You are not missing anything in the sexual realm except for experience of other men. Let me tell you this, if you think you need this experience you are wrong. This is only true if you are happy with the man you are with.

 

Seven years is a long time, my longest relationship was 12 years, if you want to go out and get laid by many men then that is cool. I will warn you that this will limit your appeal ( rightly or wrongly is not the issue) to a lot of men.

 

It will lead into the past crashing into the present. Very painful and embarressing.

 

If you are happy and want for nothing from this man then go for it.

 

If you are worried about 'missing' out on some thing then let me tell you that you are missing out on nothing. We will use you, then we will let you fall by the wayside.

 

I have relatives who have married their first gf/bf. I was always sneering at this behaviour, but I know better now. Promiscuous behaviour is so far away from the norm. It is not how much sex you have had, assumng you do not have any any sexual hangups (major ones that is) you should rejoice in finding someone that you love/ Please remember that 'marriage' is not equal to love.

 

Ask yourself this....

 

Is this person someone who fulfills me?

 

Do I want someone else? (For any reason)

 

What would it feel like to be without him/her?

 

Think carefully, you may be about to make the most important decision in your life, how much do you want to be with him/her and how much are you prepared to gamble on the other side of the fence?