Questionable Posted July 4, 2006 Share Posted July 4, 2006 I have been engaged for approx. 4 months now to an amazing man I've known for a year...I feel as though he is my soulmate...and I love him very much...I would love for us to live a happy life together. his past: works full-time. income just under $60,000. didn't finish college. one child with gf #1 they reside in the United States...he has not seen the child or paid support for him since he was born. I guess the two of them work out this arragement for the betterment of the child. two children with gf #2/lived common-law/then & now wife...they separated because of her irrational behaviour (people call her "psycho")...and she used the kids to hurt him emotionally and such...he stopped paying for the children when he met me (approx. 1 year) because she denied paternity and refused him to have access...she recently (May) filed for divorce and wants full custody...alimony...child support...and anything else she can get...my fiance knew that this could all happen at any given time...but when he met me he was telling me that he wanted to have 2-4 kids...I stay home with them to raise them, etc...but I don't see how that would be possible given the fact that he'll likely have to pay back-support for his ex and kids as well as legal fees...and payments for 16 more years...and possibly more depending on schooling/disability...etc...(he'd be paying approx. $20,000 for alimony and child support/yr) so he'll likely bring home $22,000/yr. right now, he's the only income earner so the $22,000 would be for us (two adults)...to live on...until I am done school... Recently, he has told me that he can't guarantee anything as far as finances go...because he's still in the midst of getting everything sorted out with his past. (I know that one of the leading causes of relationship breakdowns can be due to money problems). Finances play a huge role in future planning. he currently has no plans to try to "fight" for custody of the two children...he doesn't want to waste more money on lawyers and such for things to possibly turn sour anyways in the end (they go back with the mom)...but he says they are on his mind approx. every 2-3 weeks he thinks about them and he still has strong emotions for them...but he has to disengage from thoughts of them or he'll go crazy and not be able to perform well with his job/personal life/etc...I told him he should put the children before a relationship with a woman...he doesn't want to throw away his personal happiness with me for a chance to get his kids...the situation is quite complicated...I don't know how I can help him with his feelings for his kids...I can't take the hurt away... My past: no marriage. no kids. going back to school this fall. Should be done in April 2008. My questions... Do you think I should wait to see what happens with his past, then plan our future? Is it right for me to wear a ring at this time? (he's separated currently and divorce will be occuring in the future.) and when I talk about having a wedding (because I don't want to actually get legally married)...he doesn't want to even start planning...so does this mean he wants to figure out his past first so he knows where he stands financially? or is it because he's not even divorced yet?...these are all just guesses...but I'd sure like somebody elses opinions... what are your feelings based on the information I've provided??? YOUR COMMENTS ARE GREATLY APPRECIATED!!! THANK YOU! *HUG* Link to post Share on other sites
tearful_soul22 Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 I think he wants to take time figuring out what his next move would be that's why he's somewhat reluctant to discuss a future with you. Personally, i wouldn't consider wearing a "ring" till he is officially divorced, and you two have discussed the wedding. Don't take that huge step with him until you know for sure he wants to be with you. Take care and good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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