I think I might deserve this...! Don't know now how much contact is too much

[Guest]

I will try to summarize everything in as few words as possible. My wife and I met when she was 13 and I was 17. We became involved a couple of years later. She crushed on me immediately and I would try to be with just her, but a couple of times, I would break it off with her and date other girls. She cried and her mom took her to a therapist for depression. She dated a guy for about 8 months when she was 16, and I came back to her and she broke up with him. We got engaged and married 2 years later.

During the last 6 years, I have been in and out of the ministry, serving as Pastor or Youth Pastor in several churches. Typical with this lifestyle is moving. In 6 years we've moved 10 times.

 

Also, we've had more than our fair share of jobs. Throughout the marriage I have been emotionally absent. She often shared with me her need for affection and i was not there for her like I should have been. I shared with her my need for her to be less dependent, and she never worked on that either. At least 3 times in our marriage we talked of divorce, never moving out, but making plans. Each time, I would block it out and she would deal with the emotions of losing me, crying and sobbing and me not showing anything. When it finally started hitting me, I'd change my mind.

 

A month ago we went through the same cycle, only this time we spent the last two weeks living together, but seeing other people. I heard her talk about this new guy she was with and hated it, but when I mentioned the girl I was with, she didn't care. She actually went so far as to tell me I could bring her over while she was at work, so I could have sex with her. Later she said it didn't make her jealous. I did so, thinking she was gonna do the same with her guy the next night. Needless to say it left me empty and void, all I could think about was my wife. That same night, she found out that I had let a new coworker of hers fool around with me during our two week hiatus, and never told her about it. This was an aquaintance of hers she considered a friend, who told everyone at work what happened, and my wife was only one not to know. She was deeply hurt and upset.

 

Since then I've moved out and still have some stuff at her apartment. I've lost my mind thinking about her every day. She says she needs time and space. I pushed hard for a week to get her back, only to drive her further away. Now she feels she is doing me a favor and waiting 6 months to file. She said it makes her feel guilty to be married and trying to pick up men. She wants to be my friend, but right now said she feels weird to be around me. We've talked everyday since I was out, mostly me calling her, and I know I shouldn't.

 

I feel this is a phase and if I give her the needed time and space she will come to her senses. My only fear is that the security most people say brought their wives back, may not have been there for her, and thus i don't have that in my favor. Don't know now how much contact is too much, should I answer when she calls? How long should we talk? Should she initiate the conversations? Should i hang out with her at all if she wants to be friends, or is that making it easier for her?