Is my friend abusive?

[Angel291]

Is this abuse? My best friends mom has always been a good friend of mine for the last 12 years. We love to hang out and do things together, and always have a great time when we are together. We think a lot alike and she always listens to me and lets me be myself.

 

The thing is, in the last few years she has exploded at me quite a few times. One of the first times was when I was out with her and her son, and he was being a jerk to me. I told him if he did not stop I was going to leave him there (I was his ride) and when he refused to stop, I stuck to my word and left. Before I left I offered to give his mom a ride back, but she said no. (He had also paid me 20 dollars to give him a ride to this gig that he had, because his car was broken and I had had problems with him in the past and was hesitant to do it. I gave the 20 dollars back later.)

 

The next day when I went over to her house, she attacked me, screaming and yelling at me and telling me to get out of her house, that I was a spoiled brat. We had to go to a baby shower that we were both invited to and she was making nasty comments very loudly there. I later apologized, because I wanted to keep the peace, even though I felt I was not wrong, and all went back to normal. (She is the type who will NEVER apologize, ever, even if she knows she is wrong.)

 

Another time she jumped all over me because we were out and she started to load plants into my car, getting dirt on the floor which I had just vacumed. She asked me if something was wrong because I must have seemed a bit annoyed, and when I patiently replied that no one had asked to put plants in my car she jumped all over, screaming that she did not have to "take that sh_t." I had said it calmly, and politely, and really saw no reason for her to explode.

 

There were 2 other times too, when I called her up thinking all was fine and she would start screaming at me for something I did that she did not like. One was because I took a bottle of wine home (that I had paid for!). Another time she misinterpreted something I said, and jumped al over me. I even sent her 60 dollars worth of flowers because I wanted to keep the peace, and then when she was calm and I talked to her I could tell she saw her mistake but she never apologized.

 

I noticed another time that when I was out, she told her daughter not to mention something to me, because then she would have to listen to me talk about it. It made me think that maybe she did not like listening to me talk after all.

 

I have become very nervous around her, and the last time I was at her house I broke a plant of hers by mistake. I replaced it two days later with the exact same plant, but I got the feeling she was still annoyed at me. (Her daughter had bought her the plant.)

 

I found myself going over in my head what I had said and done when I was with her, worrying that maybe something I had said would make her mad and I would call her or show up at her house and she would start screaming at me. It made me anxious, and I started feeling like that was not a good friendship where I had to worry about what I had said or done and watch my step or she might explode.

 

I know that friends get into fights, but she is so unpredictable the way she will start screaming and yelling at me that I am not sure if she is turning, after 12 years, into an abusive friend. She has a live in boyfriend who she explodes on all of the time. Once he spilled a drink outside on the back porch, which is cement, and she jumped all over him for that. I would still like to keep her in my life, but what can I do to make sure she will not treat me like this anymore? Is her behavior behavior I should be wary of, or is it just a personality quirk that I am overreactin to?

 

Thanks!