akashalestat Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 OK, for what it is worth, I got dumped via email after a 7 yr. first live in after 2 yrs. of getting to know each other relationship. The live in lasted 6 months--I was in school, B.A. in Psych. and working full time, likewise, she was in school, A.A. Graphic Design; it was her place, I was walking on egg shells most of the time. I moved out to salvage what was left. We continued on for the next 5 yrs as the relationship slowly dissolved. Still, we have an intense physical attraction that kept us together. Slowly pan to the present, I'm in grad. school for a Masters in English, (almost finished) and a teaching degree in Special Ed.(just started), she sold her condo, made a pretty penny, did not do anything with her Graphic AA, hasn't worked for over a yr., she's thinking about going back to school to further the Gr. Dsg. Enough backround, cut to the recent breakup, after 30 plus days of trying to scheme a way to get her back, which I never acted on, while, simultaneously, trying to forget her, then, she calls me on the 4th. She claims she had an Ephifany via a dream, which explained that the reason why she has been sick for the last couple of weeks is because she is heartbroken, over me for no less, she says she had a dream in which our love child [we both agreed at this pt. in our lives that offspring were not welcome] came to her and revealed to her my new address, which I did give to once, so she can send me a letter. Cut to the meat and potaters of my dilemma; her call was to inform me that she is sending me a letter that will tearfully explain, in her words, "you'd better have a box of tissue at hand," about how we connected on the soul level like no other, but, how I fell short on the material level. Duh, I already know this, I'm trying to establish myself in this god-forsaken world. What's going on here is that I am trying to establish myself, while she has been sitting on a quarter mil. that she earned from her condo sell, which I never entrenched upon. I am asking for comments from mostly women, but guys feel free to chime in, about why she wants to send me this letter? What is the purpose? What is really going on in her female mind? All serious and intelligent responses welcome... Link to post Share on other sites
Chris123 Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 well... this is from a guys' prespective. i feel that if you read the letter and run back to her. She will have all the control of you. Think about it. she broke up with you thru an email. And now she wants to work it out and say some BS thru a letter. I know you are writing this because you still want to work it out, if i were you, i wouldn't mind reading the letter, but DON'T show your feelings to her about that mail or even write back.. that's the biggest mistake you will make, i am so sure of it (i learend it the hard way). Jus be indifference about it and see what she will do next... She's not gonna go anywhere if she really wants you back. So take your time and do it right this time. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 I think she's a weird-ass. Link to post Share on other sites
Pantero Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 Tell her to f*** off. Link to post Share on other sites
garnet Posted July 5, 2006 Share Posted July 5, 2006 she says you don't measure up on a material level? One word: SHALLOW! Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 5, 2006 Author Share Posted July 5, 2006 Chris123, I appreciate your reply, excellent, excellent reply, from the male perspective, perception. What I really need is female perspective, perception of why she wants to send me a letter? I do know that she has tried the "field" to ultimate dissappointment. Girls, Ladies, please reply. Link to post Share on other sites
Chris123 Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 i don't know... but i can guess she wants to test to see if you still care or not??? bump the thread for you to get some more answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 6, 2006 Author Share Posted July 6, 2006 I'm bumping the f-ing thread, hoping that some female advice comes thru. Alexandra, where are you? Should I get back into her? As a man. in a relationship, it seems that I have to absorb her karma, which I have. Link to post Share on other sites
Devrapunzel Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 O.K., female perspective here... I totally agree with Chris123. Read the letter, do nothing, and wait to see what she does next. If she truly had an epiphany and wants to work things out, she will follow up again. The things that bother me are that she broke up with you through an e-mail. WTF? Seven years and she uses an e-mail to break up? That's not right on so many levels. Also, I don't like that she said the letter will be stating that you two "connected on a soul level, but not on a material level." That seems like a kick in the b*lls to me. You just don't attack men on this level. As a woman, the material stuff doesn't matter if I'm in love. I'd live in a damn tepee if I loved the guy. I don't care what kind of car he drives, how big is house is, etc. In the end, you can't take the material crap with you...only the memories of love shared is what it truly important. So, be careful with this one. She doesn't sound very self-actualized yet. Out of curiousity, was she raised as a spoiled little girl? How old is she? Link to post Share on other sites
CrazyJ Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Hi another girls perspective.. I definately dont agree with dumping someone via email.. especially after 7 years.. that is just wrong... But.. in regards to just a general letter, I find it easier to write all my feelings down rather than writing it.. sometimes when i have something I feel I need to get out I write it all down in the form of a letter and then give it to my partner.. sometimes its just easier to get things out in the open that way.. And then I know that he takes it all in!!! But I definately wouldnt break up with someone that way! Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 the letter I received contains the last four lines Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 I guess my last thread did not go through...here it is again. I got this postal letter 30 days after nc from my ex who had previously dumped me via email. In it she claims that she had an ephiany...she realized that she had a broken heart over me and what we could have been. She also say our love child that we never had came to her and hugged her. She says we kissed and looked into each others eyes in worderment like we used to in the beginning of our 7 year relationship. Except, the last lines of the letter, well, the go as follows, "I hope that you can be grateful for what we shared, I know I am; even though I put up a tough front, you that in my heart, I will always cherish you, and all of our sweet precious moments. I only want to remembergood parts' our romance was epic in nature, and on that level of cosmic love, it stands alone and thats how I waant to remeber it. I hope this will give you the closure you needed, and taht you can move onto more healthy and happy pursuits. You will find happiness again. In love and peace, forever yours and in your sou, and mine [italics because this part was handwritten by her] this really did not give me closure, it only reopened wounds, while at the same time my heart to her again. Girls, ladies, especially I need you thoughts on this. Guys feel free to chime in also. Im confused as to what to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 Two things I forgot to include--the ephiany came via a dream, and the postal letter was drenched in Angel, and Bucherot [sp], the two perfumes that I always bought her. Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 she says you don't measure up on a material level? One word: SHALLOW! yeah, i think this is really weak......you sound like you totally have your act together and are really working toward something substantial. she has some serious issues to be telling you that you didn't measure up on the material level. i mean, i totally know you had a long term relationship, but this just makes me so sad, that she is so shallow as to say something like that, esp when it doesn't even matter in that she is not hurting for anything 'material'. way to really make you feel like crap. i would not write her back. i would just do nothing........i really hate to say it, but this girl sounds a little on the nutty side....... keep me posted on this. i'm so sorry for your pain! Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 O.K., female perspective here... I totally agree with Chris123. Read the letter, do nothing, and wait to see what she does next. If she truly had an epiphany and wants to work things out, she will follow up again. The things that bother me are that she broke up with you through an e-mail. WTF? Seven years and she uses an e-mail to break up? That's not right on so many levels. Also, I don't like that she said the letter will be stating that you two "connected on a soul level, but not on a material level." That seems like a kick in the b*lls to me. You just don't attack men on this level. As a woman, the material stuff doesn't matter if I'm in love. I'd live in a damn tepee if I loved the guy. I don't care what kind of car he drives, how big is house is, etc. In the end, you can't take the material crap with you...only the memories of love shared is what it truly important. So, be careful with this one. She doesn't sound very self-actualized yet. Out of curiousity, was she raised as a spoiled little girl? How old is she? i am so with devrapunzel.......girl's perspective. I guess my last thread did not go through...here it is again. I got this postal letter 30 days after nc from my ex who had previously dumped me via email. In it she claims that she had an ephiany...she realized that she had a broken heart over me and what we could have been. She also say our love child that we never had came to her and hugged her. She says we kissed and looked into each others eyes in worderment like we used to in the beginning of our 7 year relationship. Except, the last lines of the letter, well, the go as follows, "I hope that you can be grateful for what we shared, I know I am; even though I put up a tough front, you that in my heart, I will always cherish you, and all of our sweet precious moments. I only want to remembergood parts' our romance was epic in nature, and on that level of cosmic love, it stands alone and thats how I waant to remeber it. I hope this will give you the closure you needed, and taht you can move onto more healthy and happy pursuits. You will find happiness again. In love and peace, forever yours and in your sou, and mine [italics because this part was handwritten by her] this really did not give me closure, it only reopened wounds, while at the same time my heart to her again. Girls, ladies, especially I need you thoughts on this. Guys feel free to chime in also. Im confused as to what to do? she feels guilty. she is trying to relieve some of her guilt for what she has done, but that is all i think. from what she says....... Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 I appreciaate your responses--yes she is on the nutty side, and has always been spoiled by men because of her extreme beauty, now she is getting older and the beauty is slowly fading, she like a lot of men, start becoming attracted to younger prospects. My instinct tells me her letter which brought me to tears is a challenge or manipulation to see if I still care for her and she thinks the ball is in my court to do something. i do want her back, but not by manipulation, what is my best move to initiate contact? Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 My instinct tells me her letter which brought me to tears is a challenge or manipulation to see if I still care for her and she thinks the ball is in my court to do something. i do want her back, but not by manipulation, what is my best move to initiate contact? I would just wait. She dumped you, let her make the effort to come back to YOU. i understand you want her back, but at the same time, i personally think dumping someone is the biggest breach of trust you can have in a relationship besides infidelity........my sister was with a guy, they dated for 2-3 years, broke up for 2-3 years and each dated other people, then got back together for 2-3 years and got married last Oct! so it does happen, second chances......it;s just that when they are fraught with manipulation and weird games, i think they are destined to fail. i would not initiate contact. i personally do not think she is trying to get back with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 I am really thinking of my options here: 1. Sending the letter back--I was able to open it with no visilble detection,with Not at this address, across the front. That way she will think I didn't receive, it. 2. Emailing her, explaining nice letter, but I really don't see the point you are trying to get across? Are you trying to make me sad, or get a reaction from me, or make yourself feel better? Maybe with a don't contact me ending. Can I gain anything from either of these 2 options? Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 just don't do anything. keep your peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
JCD Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 If you want her back then go with option 2 and be really blunt about what she wants from you. Then again, she sounds nutty and I'm not sure I would have anything to do with her, imo. Consider she played the field and wants to come back. In essence she is settling because there isn't anything better out there and when it does come in future then she again may break it off with you. I'm not saying she will just that the risk is there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Stronggirl, et al., Thank you all for your words of support. Her letter; describing epic romance, tragedy, precious moments, dying love, long wonderment kisses, our imaginary love child, all true, but whew! It really sent my head reeling and scheming... What happened in the past in our love relationship was that problems would arise and I would generally take most of the blame, because I believe, and correct me if I err, the man must take on the karma of the woman he loves, because, and this is a slightly submissive statement, but if the man wants to happy, or content, he must allow the woman, to think that she is right most of the time, thereby creating her self-contentment, creating in her the want to make her man happy... This is the male-female dilemma that has long tredged the ages... So... when we had problems, as all relationships do, I usually took the blame, because I loved her and wanted things to right themselves, well, right this very instant I know that she is expecting me to write or contact her absolving her of any wrong doing. I can't do that because, esssentially that was our downward spirl in the relationship, as I see it now. I didn't put up enough fight to allow her to grow and see herself. Even still, we all want a perfect mirror of ourselves in our partner, and when that mirror shows us our imperfections and faults we want to run away from that mirror or "break up" that mirror as was in her case, and many other relationships, I'm sure. To my credit, i was her longest relatioship, at 7 yrs. This was,is my third serious relationship. This is why I think staying together, or alternatively, getting back together, is an entirely good thing for the soul--we look at that mirror image and try to perfect it, yet accept its imperfections. Entirely preferred, for me atleast, to jumping into another relationship where that mirror eventually looks you back straight in the face with exactly the same issues that sabotaged or finished the previous relationship. Growth through monogamy, I say. We live in such a disposable world now, i.e., hey, if it's not working in the moment, dump her. BS. Pardon me, I'll step off my philosophy soap box for now. However, it just burns me to see so many couples break up over things that ultimately will make their bond stronger. Any comments about this situation, or my philosophy are welcome, I am a pretty easy going soul, and it takes a lot to offend me, even though I can be strongly opinionated please feel free to offer any feelings on this. Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 we all want a perfect mirror of ourselves in our partner, and when that mirror shows us our imperfections and faults we want to run away from that mirror or "break up" that mirror ....... This is why I think staying together, or alternatively, getting back together, is an entirely good thing for the soul--we look at that mirror image and try to perfect it, yet accept its imperfections. Entirely preferred, for me atleast, to jumping into another relationship where that mirror eventually looks you back straight in the face with exactly the same issues that sabotaged or finished the previous relationship. Growth through monogamy, I say. We live in such a disposable world now, i.e., hey, if it's not working in the moment, dump her. BS. i totally think you said it perfectly. remember, i am the one that got dumped, i didn't do the dumping......so i have a different outlook it that i feel my ex does not DESERVE me. but i do totally understand what you are saying and, in a perfect world, i totally agree with you, 110% Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 12, 2006 Author Share Posted July 12, 2006 Stronggirl, Endless thanks for your support and help thruout the entire day. i don't what the hell I would have done if you didn't post your replies... Wow! I'm wiping tears from my eyes as I type this message to you because ultimately you are right, I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT DESERVE TO BE DUMPED!!! I only showed her who she was through my mirror with a near, in a perfect world, unconditional love. Oh god. We are all striving for the mirror to perfect ourselves. Again, thank you so much. We'll talk again... Link to post Share on other sites
Author akashalestat Posted July 13, 2006 Author Share Posted July 13, 2006 BS on this post in many levels< I wish my post last 2 posts were a new thread, I tried various times and didnt work. Loveshack needs to re-configure. In addition, to being able to copying and sending to loved ones I could retype, but I' m not for the task... What I am able up is to reconfirming my love for the one I loved, that's is what they want, f...NC...despite the drama, isn't that what we are involved in--the dream, drama of life, despite our own denial of how it controls our lines of life. Falling in LLOOVVEE,which by definitiion is the greatess thing unexplained, is DRAMA-in-carcer-SOUL-cerate... Nothing else... Does anything else needed to be said... I say, fight for yor love to the happy, and likewise, bitter-sweet end. Lestatakasha................................................................................. Link to post Share on other sites
stronggirl Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Stronggirl, Endless thanks for your support and help thruout the entire day. i don't what the hell I would have done if you didn't post your replies... Wow! I'm wiping tears from my eyes as I type this message to you because ultimately you are right, I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT DESERVE TO BE DUMPED!!! I only showed her who she was through my mirror with a near, in a perfect world, unconditional love. Oh god. We are all striving for the mirror to perfect ourselves. Again, thank you so much. We'll talk again... Hi AK....... oddly enough, i never got this email link until you posted the second time right now........I see you are going back and forth......that is so normal. it's ok, it's called grieving and mourning. i think it is great you want to fight for her, but at the same time, i worry she will just come back and do this to you all over again somewhere down the line? i could be wrong though......just a feeling. do what you feel is right in your heart. what's the worst thing that can happen? be wrong and go through more pain. either way, you'll survive it.......... Link to post Share on other sites
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