ex-girlfriend calls after month of no contact

[akashalestat]

Stronggirl,

 

You have been a strong force.

 

Weird you did not get my second to last post before the last post, but nonetheless, you've been a rock in my hard place, and I thank you endlessly for that. That being, I have to ask you 3 questions to know where your coming from because I have been influenced by you, but then again maybe not, in the Zen duality of things, no worries:

 

1. Where are you from, how old are you? [Probably immaterial, judging from your wise imputs--but curious anyway.]

 

2. Is that you hanging from the rock climbiing picture icon that accompanies your responses?

 

3. Most importantly, if you thought in your heart; i.e. instinct, that you could save someone from doom, i.e., a bad personal choice that will effect their lives and others, including yours, would you voice your opinion...meaning, could you impart info in such a way, that the other person doesn't think that you have personal motivations?

 

I hope you will answer these questions

 

I know I'm asking a lot from what I would consider the normal person. But, I already know that you are beyond the normal, hiding, and sometimes, many times, revealing the extraordinary.

 

AK...

 

If this needs to be a PM thing let me know. I am not trying anything beyond the answers to these questions...

[stronggirl]

How do you send a PM?

 

I live in the Pacific NW, and i am 36, never been married, no kids.....

 

And no, that is no me on the rock, but i have lots of photos where i am

 

Thirdly, i am not really sure what you mean here.....basically, all i know is just what i feel. I guess you could call it my gut reaction to situations. The only situation i can really and truly comment confidently on is my own. How i have reacted to certain situations. One thing i do know is that i am strong. I surrond myself with strong people. if i can impart that to someone to make them realize that, perhaps, things happen for a reason, or maybe there are better things out there, then i just say it. i could be 100% wrong. I don;t know........what i do know is that there are a lot of manipulative people out there taking advantage of the people that are truly giving, and because they are truly giving, they tend to get walked on. It makes me sad, because everyone deserves to be treated like a king/queen by the person that is supposed to love them.

 

"if you thought in your heart; i.e. instinct, that you could save someone from doom, i.e., a bad personal choice that will effect their lives and others, including yours, would you voice your opinion...meaning, could you impart info in such a way, that the other person doesn't think that you have personal motivations?"

 

 

what do you mean exactly? i think my words come across passionately because i am passionate about my beliefs. that's about it.

[akashalestat]

Stronggirl,

 

First of all, thank you for your open and honest response. As far as personal motivations, I was referring to myself, not you, sorry if I wasn't clear about that--yes, your words are passionate, and wise.

 

A PM is a personal message to only one person, so only they get to see it, apparently this site is equipped with it, but I couldn't find it.

 

As far as question 3 is concerned, I was also referring to myself. This is going to require a little set up, so bear with me. I'll try to be as specific as possible. When I met my ex., I was a working actor in L.A. getting by, with numerous commercial and TV credits, and a couple B movies, but I had been in a dry spell as that biz goes, still, as all actors say, I came really close, and I mean really close, to a few BIG things. I even sang in an alternative rock band that had potential. Anyway, from our onset, the ex. revealed to me, "I've met and dated a few actors and singers and despised them, but you're way different, I dig you." [side note, I look like a cross between the actor, Jim Cavaziel, who played Jesus in The Passion of Christ, and Kurt Cobain, (without the heroine addiction, lol,) i.e., my hair is longish blond, with a goatee, my body is slender, but cut, like Brad Pitt in Fight Club, so, without sounding conceited, I'm definetely not average looking]. In fact, the ex. called me her "own personal Jesus," after the De Peche Mode song. She absolutely preferred my body type over the huge muscle types which she abhorred. Bear with me, I'm getting to the point, After two years with her, I gave up the acting and the band, which hurt dearly, to go back to school to finish my Psych. degree and go to grad school so we had a more stable future.

 

Cut to present, I know through an unfaulty neutral source, that would not lie, that she has seen, one time, this largely muscled, Italian hot body builder/personal trainer from Hollywood, who once was Mr. so and so of some European country, and plans on seeing him again, and is really into him. I know of him, and this guy has bagged more Beverly Hills chicks than all of the bag boys at Ralph's, pun and no pun intended. [That's a pretty funny line, hey!] Anyway, what really burns is that he thinks he's an actor, because he's had a couple of lame credits as some muscle bad boy. What burns even more is that I gave up my creative acting side for a better future with her, and now she's wants to see a muscle head wanna be actor, who according to the source, is so much more than me, this, after one brief Starbuck's tea and pastry meeting. That hurts, and how shallow on her part. But ironically, she is not shallow by any stretch of the means, she's bright, extremely witty, and outrageously, and I mean outrageously funny. She must be thinking she can tame this bad boy, I seriously doubt it, but maybe. I mean, she frigging looks like a cross between Halle Berry and Cleopatra, except she's French on top of that for crying out loud!

 

Which brings me to my final point, I know of a way or ways that I can anonymously abruptly end their tete a tete, which is truly not underhanded, thus, sparing her as another notch on his belt. Even though, she is absolutely not like that, we were both entirely monogamous throughout ou relationship. I know, this sounds like revenge, but it reallly is not. Because, if she received advice from me, or through me, she, at this point, would surely do the opposite. This is why I asked you your opinion on the morality of helping someone, in the absence of personal motivations.

 

I feel you're going to say, let her make her own bed and lie in it, have your own peace of mind. But, this guy is truly dangerous, in more ways than one, ways I can't illiterate on this site.

 

Please respond in your wise and passionate way.

 

aka...

[akashalestat]

thank you LS but everything ulatimately becomes p2p beyond this, and everyting, sting, thing. behind, beyond, beneath, between...love to every one..........every....is a 121.

[KarlCox]

of course material matters man

 

thats why we "guys" work hard to make more money

 

doesn't matter how much a girl loves you.. if you make no money... nobody will be with you... it's life.... cuz living > love

 

you cant love when you live in a small house relying on foodstamps to survive.. there is no love in that....

 

just like when you get fired.. you have to sell your house and your car cuz you cant pay the loan just like your wife will divorce you.... (cant afford her too)

 

welcome to life..

[akashalestat]

I agree with you karl, especially when a woman gains years. Except, I make a decent to mildly comfortable living now and when I finish my Masters in English, I will be able to teach HS English and also College composition classes. Her comment was, IMHO, out of line and tactless especially since she hasn't been able to secure employment for over a year now.

[akashalestat]

Thank you everyone, strong girl, et al., who participated in my ...RIDE INTO THE SUNRISE; A LAMB PUN ON, ooops, I MEAN, LAME PUN ON ME: riding off into the sunset; which is always a beautiful image.

 

pEACE AND Love,

 

akashalestat

[akashalestat]

This is why people like jack johnson, but I prefer muse. An able blending; Be Here Now: Here Be Now: Be Now Here...

 

Namaste

[sandilynn]

This ex GF of yours, is doing the same thing I used to do with an ex of mine. For 9 years, we were off and on. The on times, we would live together. Unlike your gf, I would just pack up and leave him. No letter, no talk, no email (he doesn't have a computer), no phone call, no nothing! I would just leave. The letter writing is something I would do ... now, I cannot speak for your gf's reason(s) for it, but lend you a possible *why* she does. These were mine: lonely, got to missing the good times we had, couldn't find someone to match his passion/love, just needs some reassurance that at least for a time, there WAS someone who cared/loved her, and still does ... and I hate to admit to this one..even desperate to just HAVE SOMEONE SPECIAL AGAIN! But, in this letter (as shown in post #12), in my humble oppinion, she is putting out her fealers, to see if you are receptive to resuming the relationship with her, where you guys left off. She is attempting to appeal to your memories, showing herself as a loving, caring & thoughtful person in that letter, from what you have revealed to us in your posting. She is not verbally busting your balls in it. So there you have it! She wants to appeal to your softer side and is making a subtle plea to you, that being, in short: *I miss you and regret leaving you, can we get back together?*. There is no wrong or right decision here. Simply this: if you want to take her back, then go for it! There's nothing worse than wondering, *I wonder if......* etc. You won't know till you go for it, if go for it, is what YOU want. If not, then gently tell her it is over between the two of you. Whatever you do, don't take her back if it is only her wanting it. One little bit of advice on taking her back and resuming the relationship: don't *pick up where you left off*...remember she dumped you (via email no less! Pretty cheesy)...she has to prove herself to be sincere and dependable again. It will be hard to not resume where you left off, but try. Only you can determine just how long you will need for her to prove herself, her love, her commitment to you and the relationship. Best Wishes, whatever your decision. I hope this has helped you.

[akashalestat]

This ex GF of yours, is doing the same thing I used to do with an ex of mine. For 9 years, we were off and on. The on times, we would live together. Unlike your gf, I would just pack up and leave him. No letter, no talk, no email (he doesn't have a computer), no phone call, no nothing! I would just leave. The letter writing is something I would do ... now, I cannot speak for your gf's reason(s) for it, but lend you a possible *why* she does. These were mine: lonely, got to missing the good times we had, couldn't find someone to match his passion/love, just needs some reassurance that at least for a time, there WAS someone who cared/loved her, and still does ... and I hate to admit to this one..even desperate to just HAVE SOMEONE SPECIAL AGAIN! But, in this letter (as shown in post #12), in my humble oppinion, she is putting out her fealers, to see if you are receptive to resuming the relationship with her, where you guys left off. She is attempting to appeal to your memories, showing herself as a loving, caring & thoughtful person in that letter, from what you have revealed to us in your posting. She is not verbally busting your balls in it. So there you have it! She wants to appeal to your softer side and is making a subtle plea to you, that being, in short: *I miss you and regret leaving you, can we get back together?*. There is no wrong or right decision here. Simply this: if you want to take her back, then go for it! There's nothing worse than wondering, *I wonder if......* etc. You won't know till you go for it, if go for it, is what YOU want. If not, then gently tell her it is over between the two of you. Whatever you do, don't take her back if it is only her wanting it. One little bit of advice on taking her back and resuming the relationship: don't *pick up where you left off*...remember she dumped you (via email no less! Pretty cheesy)...she has to prove herself to be sincere and dependable again. It will be hard to not resume where you left off, but try. Only you can determine just how long you will need for her to prove herself, her love, her commitment to you and the relationship. Best Wishes, whatever your decision. I hope this has helped you.

 

Sandilynn,

 

I've been trying to quote your message from the point of, "she is putting out her fealers..." but somehow your entire response is quoted...anyway... Thank you for your warm words and revelations. I've been f-ed up over this from the beginning of summer. My dilemma is such; I would like no other than to be back with her, but she breached, she dumped me via email, then sent me the postal letter reminiscing (sp) how beautiful we were together, forcing me to try to get that back, when she was the one who ended it in the first place. Oh, the workings of the womans mind!! How do I approach going back to her with it not being the same thing again? How do start again with her not beginning where we left off with her controlling me? Or do I just let her believe that she is...there it is let her believe...but in what?

 

You know, I had pretty much given up on her and I, which hurt beyond comprehension, as you can see by my last posts, but you have resurrected new hope. I just do not know what to do next?

[sandilynn]

I have not read all entries to this thread. So, forgive me, for not knowing all the aspects to your situation. First, I want to ask you: to what degree is your ex gf controlling and manipulating you into doing her will? (all the time, most of the time, 50/50, sometimes, rarely, or whatever way that you see it)... Based upon my experience with that 9 yr off/on relationship, if it is more than 50/50, I would think twice about entering into the relationship again. That was one of the issues with my ex bf. He was controlling, manipulative and abusive in all ways imaginable. The passion and love we had was equally as strong as his undesirable behavior. This was a powerful lure for me. Unevitably (sp), it was his undesirable behavior I would run from. We'd get back together, because he'd *say* he had changed. This *change* would only last for a short time, then he was back to his bad things again, and getting worse! The last time I left him was Jan, 2005. I haven't been back since. I would rather be draged across the dessert by horses, than ever go back to him. However, this is about you and your life! If her control and manipulation over you, is not a major issue for you (some people are very content with this), then what you need to do, is to have a heart-to-heart talk with her. If she keeps interupting you, to say what is on her mind, tell her the conversation is over until she will remain quiet and LISTEN to what YOU have to say. Then, she can have HER TURN to respond to your concerns and feelings. You will never resolve or change anything, if you can never be heard. But, seldom do controlling people change their ways for good, if the reason is coming from outside of self. Change will only happen (permanently) if SHE sees these as undesirable and in her best intrest (sp) to change. SHE must see the value in making changes in her behavior, for positive and constructive ones vs continued negative and deconstructive ones. I cannot stress enough, reconciling with your gf, is a personal choice that only you can make (if this is what she wants, as well). What she may be attempting by that letter, is she is trying to *save face*... Face it, no one likes to or wants to, admit to f-ing up. So, let her keep her self-esteem (or whatever you want to call it)... you be the one to bring up getting back together. When you talk to her, either on the phone or face-to-face, ask her questions like *Are you missing the good times we had?* - *Do you miss the love we shared?* - *Are you finding that the men you meet or date, are not looking for a serious relationship?* assuming, that she has been dating while apart from you... ask her questions like this, in your own words, be caring in the way you ask her.. example: don't ask her if men are using her (or trying to use her) for sex... the way I phrased it says pretty much the same thing, but in a loving and respectful way. After asking her these kinds of questions, ask her .. Have you been thinking it would be nice if we got back together? If she says yes or anything close to a yes, than ask her back. Note: if she pauses (even briefly)...whatever answer she gives you (or you get silence) consider that to be a yes to the last question. Remember, she is trying to save face, and may not want to outright say she f-ed up with you. You could resume the relationship where you two left off, but that will or could, encourage to fall into her old ways, or not even try to change them for you. I know it is like the hardest thing to go back into a relationship with someone, and not resume it from where you left off.. Lord KNOWS that I not once, started out as if *new*...it was always from where we left off. That never worked for me and my ex bf...I doubt it will work for anybody that seeks positive changes in ther S/O. This is all from my own experience, so keep that in mind, when you make your decision. Foremost, keep in mind your needs, desires and hopes. Act accordingly with them. You will find your own answers, if you listen to that first whispering within your mind, heart and soul. There is no better guidance than that first little whispering within!

[akashalestat]

Sandilynn,

 

You are breath of fresh air. God bless you and your comments, you have the ability to be honest, while at the same time, separate yourself from your own personal experience. This is an extremely rare commodity, that you need to be commended for, something that we all must eventually confront if we are to make a relationship work.

 

You have allowed me the opportunity to gather myself, and provide hope...

 

Enough revealed for now...

 

akashalestat