dparrilla Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 My husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have 2 sons together ,17 & 19, and I have a 28 year old daughter from a previous marriage. Over the years we have been politically involved in county and statewide campaigns and my husband had an unsuccessful run for a state political office. Back in 1997 we developed a friendship with a woman that was also involved in the political campaigns with us. I thought that she was a mutual friend with both of us, but over the years, I noticed that she was a little closer to my husband than she was to me, but I didn't give it much thought and I trusted my husband and considered us all to be friends. As time passed I noticed little things that gave me pause, such as, if there was a function going on she would always be around the men more so than the women. She dressed provocatively and there would be incidents that it would appear that capable people around her would suspect her of sabatoging their projects and she would come in and fix everything and hence make herself look good. She became close to my husband over the years and he did her a lot of favors. She became his administrative assistant and he found her 2 other part time jobs, because she was a single mother and needed help. ( Her children were older when this was going on) I tried to respect what he was doing because it is his nature to help people, but something about this relationship made me uncomfortable. When I would stop into my husband's office, which was across the street from mine, I would feel uncomfortable, I felt like I was intruding. She didn't talk to me and made me feel like an outsider in my husband's office. (He was the boss.) My husband no longer works with her, she has moved onto another company that has no connection with my husband's job now. Which brings me to my dilema. About one year ago a problem arose with our cell phone bills and I had to go over the statements. The bills go to a business owned by his family, but the phones are his, mine and our 2 son's. As I was going over the bills I saw that he was still in contact with this woman on a daily basis. They were calling each other back and forth and the calls would be 15, 20 or 30 minute phone calls, sometimes a few times a day. I expressed to him that I was not happy with this and asked him to please stop. We had a few arguments about it and he could not understand why I was so upset, because they were just friends. He said he would stop. Two weeks ago another problem arose with the bills and again I had to go over the statements. The phone calls have not stopped, they are still speaking on a daily basis. I told him that I have had enough and wanted to know what was more important"their freindship or our marriage". He said that our marriage was and that he would stop, but still doesn't understand because it is just a friendship. How do I trust him and what am I supposed to think about this"friendship"? Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Hate to tell you - but they are more than just friends... You need to take your head out of the sand and delve a bit deeper into his time alottments, money spent, charge cards, maybe even trail him when he's "out". I guarantee you he's spending time with her... on the phone and in person. If nothing else - he is deeply emotionally attached to her and he's never going to admit it to you (hence the cover up for contact after you initially asked him to stop). Be prepared for what will happen WHEN you find out the TRUTH... I'm sorry for you... Link to post Share on other sites
SpoiledBrattyCakes Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 juuuuust kiddin! if i were you i would follow him for a day. find out where he's going, what times the calls are being made, etc. does he ever make calls to her from home? does she call him? hmm... Link to post Share on other sites
Pyro Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 My husband and I have been married for 23 years. We have 2 sons together ,17 & 19, and I have a 28 year old daughter from a previous marriage. Over the years we have been politically involved in county and statewide campaigns and my husband had an unsuccessful run for a state political office. Back in 1997 we developed a friendship with a woman that was also involved in the political campaigns with us. I thought that she was a mutual friend with both of us, but over the years, I noticed that she was a little closer to my husband than she was to me, but I didn't give it much thought and I trusted my husband and considered us all to be friends. As time passed I noticed little things that gave me pause, such as, if there was a function going on she would always be around the men more so than the women. She dressed provocatively and there would be incidents that it would appear that capable people around her would suspect her of sabatoging their projects and she would come in and fix everything and hence make herself look good. She became close to my husband over the years and he did her a lot of favors. She became his administrative assistant and he found her 2 other part time jobs, because she was a single mother and needed help. ( Her children were older when this was going on) I tried to respect what he was doing because it is his nature to help people, but something about this relationship made me uncomfortable. When I would stop into my husband's office, which was across the street from mine, I would feel uncomfortable, I felt like I was intruding. She didn't talk to me and made me feel like an outsider in my husband's office. (He was the boss.) My husband no longer works with her, she has moved onto another company that has no connection with my husband's job now. Which brings me to my dilema. About one year ago a problem arose with our cell phone bills and I had to go over the statements. The bills go to a business owned by his family, but the phones are his, mine and our 2 son's. As I was going over the bills I saw that he was still in contact with this woman on a daily basis. They were calling each other back and forth and the calls would be 15, 20 or 30 minute phone calls, sometimes a few times a day. I expressed to him that I was not happy with this and asked him to please stop. We had a few arguments about it and he could not understand why I was so upset, because they were just friends. He said he would stop. Two weeks ago another problem arose with the bills and again I had to go over the statements. The phone calls have not stopped, they are still speaking on a daily basis. I told him that I have had enough and wanted to know what was more important"their freindship or our marriage". He said that our marriage was and that he would stop, but still doesn't understand because it is just a friendship. How do I trust him and what am I supposed to think about this"friendship"? Something is definitely not right. I am totally for being friends with members of the opposite sex but the fact that he is obviously giving her way more attention then he ever would for any of his other friends makes me believe that something is up, plus the fact that everytime you brought up the topic him getting upset is another red flag. People tend to get upset like that if they feel guilty about something. Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 What does he say they talk about? I can see a call once in a while if they're friends but every day? Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 One does not call everyday if it is friendship. Sometimes that happens but not for extended periods of times like months! Couples and newly minted relationships call each other everyday. I do not call or email friends everyday. I do call my SO everyday for to think about them and talk to them. Save the everyday calls to CLOSE relationships not friends. Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I agree with the others. If I'm talking to another woman almost everyday for that amount of time then I at least have an emotional attachment to her. If I haven't done anything, I will soon. Good chances are if he's getting defensive about this stuff, he's cheating on you. If he calls you 'Paranoid', 'Crazy', or tries to make you believe it's all in your head, he's cheating. Does he call his other male friends as much? I highly doubt it. This should tell you something.. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dparrilla Posted July 7, 2006 Author Share Posted July 7, 2006 Thanks for responding. I suppose you are saying something that I don't want to beleive he is capable of. I am not a naive person. I consider myself, as most women do, to have that intuition about our men and our children but this one has me bewildered. That is why I am seeking advice. He is not a man that goes out. If anything is going on, it is going on during the day and we all work within a few blocks of each other. If it is an emotional relationship, that could hurt even more, because I am supposed to be his best friend. Link to post Share on other sites
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