i constantly cheat, why???

[Bryanp]

I am sure that he is in shock now and his responses are to be expected. You said you would not do it again. Do you think this is the shock you needed seeing how much you hurt him that will make you change your behavior? It is clear that he loved you since he even showed you the ring.

 

On the other hand, I think it shows that you really do love him that you were willing to be honest. He will be processing a lot of pain right now and it will take time. My question to you is if you are given a second chance will you absolutely be certain that you can remain faithful? I hope so. The both of you really do need to be tested for std's but I think you know this. Again you did the right thing and I hope things work our for you now and in the future.

[Blather1213]

i was always careful, and i see a gyno regularly for a separate problem. i haven't given him anything. i wish i did have something, something that would let me sleep and forget about all this and let it stay forgotten.

[blind_otter]

the hiding and deception that you did before, was wrong. IME it's always harder to do the right thing. My Dad always said, when given the choice between the easy way and the hard way, the hard way is almost always the better choice.

 

Facing bad things in your past, is really difficult. I am a recovering alcoholic in AA, and I am still in the process of making amends. What I had to learn is that not everyone accepts your apology. But the point is that you make the apology and the effort -- for you to be a better person, not for anyone else. And once you take those steps, to do the right thing, instead of hiding your mistakes, you are on the right path and good things will come of that.

 

I will say a prayer for you...

[Ainsley]

I'd like to first respond by telling you that I feel for you, and understand that this will be a very difficult time for you. I wish you all the best in this situation, and hope that you will seek professional assistance through this.

 

While this site is intended for open discussions about various topics, and is very helpful, I strongly feel that a professional will be able to help you by reaching you on a much deeper level.

 

I encourage you to find a psychologist while you are dealing with all of this, and in order to stop the behavior.

 

That said, I also hope that you will continue to post throughout this time. You might find personal counseling combined with group discussions on this site to be very beneficial.

 

I also wanted to remind all users that we have specific guidelines regarding respect and decency in posting. Please be aware of your language, as I have already seen a number of questionable phrases.

 

Please refrain from making any personal attacks, as this is a very sensitive issue and should be treated with civility and respect.

[PuppyDogEyes]

Please refrain from making any personal attacks, as this is a very sensitive issue and should be treated with civility and respect.

 

Thank you. I couldn't agree more with the above statement.

 

Blather, I hope you feel better. I know it's hard now, and I know that you feel as if your world has ended. He may come around - give it some time. He needs to think about everything you've said, as no doubt he's in shock.

 

Please keep us updated, okay?

 

-pde.

[Blather1213]

i seriously can't even describe how i feel right now. i talked to my friends that i spoke to last night, and the girl is coming over here while the guy goes and looks for my boyfriend. i don't know if that's going to help any, but at least someone will be here with me.

 

thanks for being there for me, those of you who were and are. it really helped me a lot, and i think this really helped me out, made me say things out loud that i needed to get out. i will try to get somewhere to talk to someone who is trained in this kind of stuff, but for now, when all i wanna do is sit here and not move and not leave my house, it's nice to have an outlet. thanks a lot guys. it may not help my situation, but it is helping me. i think i would have really lost my mind if ididn't have somewhere to come to tell what happened. and yet at the same time, i feel like a giant weight is lifting off of me. the sadness is heavy, but the guilt and anxiety over lying is lessening

 

thanks again, everyone, for your concern, though i feel like i don't deserve it, like i should be treated badly, even though i know i don't really want that.

 

p.s. thank you ainsley. your words are very much appreciated.

[MarnieGirl]

you know how many people do these things and never want to change? who have no problem "committing" to someone, and having totally separate lives no one knows about?

 

A LOT.

 

i think you did a brave thing, despite the wrongs you may have done. please keep posting. you have a friend in several of the people who have posted to you, and we genuinely want to help. i have seen threads like this get ugly, and this was one was pretty tame, so people must be seeing something in you that shows you're trying. that has to mean something.

[Spectre]

I'm not going to point out exactly where you implied it, that is such a guy-thing-in-argument to do, and yes you did imply that. but your posts aren't really helpful.

 

And its such a "girl thing" to put words in the guys mouth

 

- you said "You love this guy the same way those little kids who torture hamsters love their pets" -- implied insult

 

No, its a wake up call hun. If you can treat a person like this, and still think you "love" them, you obviously have a warped idea of love. Just like the little kids who torture their pets yet dont know any better. Its FUN for them to do, but in their minds they arent doing it cuz they hate their pets..they are doing it because as i said..they enjoy that.

 

- you stated multiple times that she does not love her BF

 

because she stated multiple times she did, which is BS. It really doesnt matter if you view it as an insult, its an insult to everyones intelligence to say 'i love my bf..but i constantly cheat on him, but i feel guilty so i love him!"

 

- then you go on to state an implied insult against her BF if he makes a choice you don't agree with

 

I stated a fact, a normal person would not want to continue to be with someone who treats them poorly. There are many cases of people staying with someone who is abusive mentally or physically because they themselves have problems. Dont try to tell me what im implying, I'm the one who typed it, I'd know

 

I call BS. Not everyone is like you, not everyone loves the same way or thinks the same way. No one has the right to comment on her level of love, but herself, and her BF. Other than that you're working with scraps, Inspector Gadget.

 

I dont need to get inside this chicks head to figure out she doesnt love her bf. I can judge by her actions, you dont like it? well..too bad. it doesnt change the fact that her actions show she doesnt love her bf. I'm using the word love as its common among our culture. To love someone is to respect and care for them to do anything not to hurt them. There isnt anything you can say to change that, Penny

 

Your posts weren't helpful. They were along the lines of "shut up you don't love your boyfriend you're a bad person". Well, thanks for stating the obvious but really, what does that do?

 

No, they were along the lines of "stop feeding us this BS about how you love someone you clearly dont" who said I was trying to help her? I got out of that mind state as soon as I saw this chick making excuses, attacking others for calling her on her shady behavior, and trying to cram down our throats that she "loves her bf" And really, is trying to analyze my posts and whining about it anymore helpful?

 

What purpose does your post serve? Does it offer advice? Give direction? Offer support? Give suggestions?

 

And to this I ask: what purpose does your post, questioning my post, serve? Besides to go on about "you arent helpful youre calling her a slut"

 

People just need to stop kidding themselves when they claim they love someone they treated like a piece of dog sh*t, and as someone thats been cheated on? yeah, it REALLY pisses me off to see people defend themselves or try to stay they love someone they could do that too.

 

I feel absolutely Zero sympathy for anyone who treats and honestly? I think they deserve every bit of pain they feel, cuz it doesnt begin to compare to what the person who got f*cked over is feeling.

 

I hope this chick all the well, but at the same time; I hope her bf gets the f*ck out of her life

[MarnieGirl]

 

Dont try to tell me what im implying, I'm the one who typed it, I'd know

 

 

this kind of statement applies to all people. the OP, i am sure, feels as certain as you do about what she is saying as you are about what you are saying (or not saying) and doesn't want to be told otherwise by someone who isn't her and can't really know.

 

in any case, i hope she comes back and lets us know what's up. maybe a lot of people could learn from this, though who knows, really...we don't usually learn from anyone's mistakes but our own.

[Pantero]

oh my god, i i don't know if i even can even see while i type this i'm crying so hard. he's gone. i don't know where he went. he told me that a few times he wondered about me and what i was doing, but that he never relly entertained the thought because he knew i could never do it. i don't know how to make him understand and i guess i can't. i feel like an alcoholic apologizing for my behavior and not stopping it.

 

i don't know what to do. i don't know is he's coming back. he left after telling me he cheated on me too, and that he was going to find her. and i couldn't make him tell me who. but i think he's just trying to get to me. i really don't think he did it.

 

he said he had a ring for me and was going to return it. he just bought it a few weeks ago. i thought he was just trying to make me feel worse again, but he showed it to me. it was beautiful and i love him and i want it and i hate myself. i know i still don't deserve him.

 

he said so many ugly things, i never thought i would hear him say these things. i guess he never thought i would do those things. but i understand he's angry. maybe he'll come around. yes, he will. i know he will. we're stronger and bigger than this and he is going to call me later and we are going to talk and it's not going to all be figured out in one night and i know that. he's just angry now. he has to understand. i won't do it anymore. i learned. i want a second chance and i am going to get it. i love him and no one can tell me i don't.

 

he asked so many questions, such disgusting things. i am glad i held my ground and didn't answer them. i know he doesn't really want the answers, he just wants to hurt me.

 

You dealt with it head-on and that in itself is commendable. I still think you need to get a thrid party counselor or someone trained to handle these situations involved (as you realized). I do hope what he said, "I cheated on you too" was some bulls*** statement, because if he did cheat on you while you cheated on him, then...I dunno. Different ballgame, I'd think.

 

Just reading your post, I can feel just how bad you probably feel right now - it's weird telepathy. But...I think you did the right thing. If you two are meant to be together, then this had to happen and had to be cleared out before you two can move on to a better place.

[Blather1213]

my friend just left and went home. she invited me, but i wanted to stay here until he came back, if he did. something's up. before she left she got a phone call and i think it was my guy friend/her boyfriend calling her. i don't know what he said but it wasn't good. all i could hear was "what, what?! are you kidding me? who?" i asked her who called and she said it was him but that it had nothing to do with my boyfriend. i asked her, well what's going on with him then? and she said i don't know, i asked him and he didn't know anything. i know she didn't ask him that, i could hear her end of the conversation! so i know she's lying. she left pretty quickly and said she would check on me later and she would definitely call when she knew what to say.

 

i thought that was troubling.

 

wow, my whole world is just topsy-turvy. though i thought i would be worse off than this. maybe i'm just numb. i feel like i imagined it all, like i'm watching someone else go through this. that's always how i felt when i cheated too, like it wasn't really me.

 

i don't know what the hell is going on. my head is going from freaking out to empty and back in seconds.

[Blather1213]

my friends both came over. apparently there is more to his cheating story than i thought, or he lied well enough to convince his best friend too. i don't know what to think. my guy friend went after him and apparently knew this girl my boyfriend was talking about and found her there. my friend said he knew that my boyfriend knew this girl, but never knew he cheated on her with me, just knew it was some new girl that my boyfriend was mentioning often that no one else knew. he met her at her work when my boyfriend took him to meet her and introduced her as his friend. he said he had a feeling that's where he was going.

 

he said my boyfriend wasn't planning on leaving hanging out with her anytime soon to come and talk to me. he couldn't convince him to leave her store and come talk to me.

 

i know why he's doing this, and all this anger and adrenaline is going to make him go home with her and sleep with her i know it. maybe he even already did sleep with her. i just feel sick that i know what he is going to be doing tonight, when last night it was with me. eveythins has changed.

 

this should make me feel better, i guess. but i feel worse. i never thought any of this would ever happen. it's just all blowing up in my face.

 

maybe since we both messed up we can try to get past it and work things out. but that i know he's going to be screwing her tonight, i don't know that i can get past that. it's so vengeful, it's only to hurt me, though i guess i do deserve it.

 

i have no idea what is going to happen from this point. i bet he has my co*ck in her right now. i think i am going to throw up.

[john2776]

I am so proud of you for telling your boyfriend. This time you got it right, well done.

 

Even if it doesn't work out with your boyfriend (and I know that you want it to), I think you have shown you have the strength to shake this aweful addiction of yours and hopefully end up in a normal relationship in the future.

 

You are in a world of pain right now and I feel for you.

[ridingthebulls]

You might "CARE" for him or even "LOVE" him to an EXTENT, but the truth is you love YOURSELF more than you love him or you would have thought about his feelings first halting your cheating ass in your tracks.

[ridingthebulls]

he wondered about me and what i was doing, but that he never relly entertained the thought because he knew i could never do it.

 

WHICH IS EXACTLY why a person ought to know their partner's past no matter WHAT! At least he would have seen it coming and acted accordingly or better yet, not get involved at all. The people on this board who repeatedly refuse to tell their partner anything about their past and claim it is "Unimportant" are ashamed cause they have LOTS to hide.

[theantibarbie23]

i was always careful.

Just as an FYI, there are tons of STD's you can get while using protection, some of which are permanant. Every time you sleep with someone different you are playing russian roulette with STD's.

 

The other thing I wanted to say is that you CAN do this! You may not feel empowered right now, but you are not helpless my friend. Dig deep and there is enough strength and determination within one's soul to move mountains. Think of it this way, if heroin addicts who have gone through metabolic changes do to their drug of choice can take control of their lives and stop their behavior, so can you.

 

Get into therepy, work hard to find the answers as to what the pay off for your compulsion is, and fix it. You have the strength to do this.

[Blather1213]

ridingthebulls, thanks for taking the time to write, but i'm kind of past that part now. thanks anyway. it is an interesting thought, though, your second post (the one about disclosing pasts) maybe you should start a new thread on it, i'll take part in it, for sure.

 

anti-barbie, yes i do know that, but thanks to you too. i guess i should say, i was always as careful as i could be, and since i see a doctor regularly and have since i was 12, i am fairly certain i am okay, as is my boyfriend. if not, i'll cross it when i come to it, i guess, another result of my selfishness.

 

and thanks for your other words as well. i don't think i am strong, but people keep telling me i am so maybe it helps to fool me a little, at least temporarily. i appreciate the time and thought you took to respond to me.

 

as an update, i feel asleep around 4am, woke up at 7 and have heard nothing. my friend, the girl, is supposed to come over around 3. hopefully she knows something i don't. or not, i guess that could be a bad thing too. every once in a while i start crying hysterically for a few minutes, then i stop and think "breathe, okay, this had to be done. this had to be done, and it cannot be undone." sometimes it helps. sometimes i cry harder. but at least soemthign is working half the time.

 

thanks again guys.

[Walk]

Its not quite the same... but enough that I thought it may help you.

 

I cheated on my exH adn it tore me up inside. So much guilt. The only reason I told him is because I felt he should know what he was living with. I got basically the same response. A lot of anger. Hateful words. Really bad scene.

 

In the long run, I did the right thing. I could've hid it forever, and he wouldn't have known. I could have never accepted responsibility for my actions, and had an ok relationship. But the right thing for me to do was to tell him. I knew at that point our relationship was over. You don't break someones heart like that, betray their trust to such a degree and expect that it can be repaired in a few months or even a year.

 

I think what you should do right now is focus your attention on finding a counselor to help you through this. Talk to your friends, they might know of someone, or at least where to start looking. I was able to find a priest that I could talk to while I dealt with all the emotions and new life that came out of the aftermath of telling the exH. Even though I didn't buy into his whole "God fixes everything" it was still incredibly, incredibly helpful to me. And I'm not big on shrinks, or counselors... but you NEED someone that is going to keep strict confidentiality, who won't judge in anyway, and who will sit and listen to you for however long you need to help you sort through all this.

 

Last thought.. Have you ever been diagnosed as bi-polar? I'm not saying it as an insult. I've read up on it pretty extensively and part of it says there's a strong drive for sex and that many bi-polars have numerous affairs. I'm not explaining this right... basically, there could be a chemical reason you are behaving the way you do. Or it might be a combination of chemical and mental. But the average layman (like us) can't diagnose that.

 

I think you were incredibly strong for coming forward and telling the truth. Now take the next step and find a counselor or psychologist who can help guide you to the next step. Just take baby steps. Find a name, call the number, set up an appointment. Just focus on one step at a time. It'll also help you get through the next few days a little better if you have something to focus your thoughts on.

[Blather1213]

he hasn't called me all day, i don't know where he is and neither do my friends. he is supposed to call my guy friend but he didn't. i guess i should start getting his stuff together. i've tried to call his cell but he doesn't answer, and his vm picks right up so i think he's turned it off. probably so he can have some privacy with that whore. i still feel so sick when i think about it, even though i have accepted that i know he did it last night. i know he did. oh god.

 

 

thanks, walk. i have considered that maybe i had a problem, but never knew what it was and i thought i could stop on my own. i thought if i wanted to badly enough, i could stop. it didn't.

 

bi-polar, definitely never thought about that. i guess i just didn't think depression would have anything to do with it. i feel depressed now, of course, but i didn't before, i don't think. they get manic too, don't they? i mean, people with bi-polar? i don't freak out, i don't break stuff. i'm usually pretty mild-tempered actually.

 

i guess i should find out.

 

thank you for your suggestions. it's so many different things i have to deal with right now, it's crazy. i feel crazy. not dangerous crazy, just head-spinning crazy. its like even if he comes back to me and we work things out, i still have to deal with me. i think that will be the hard part. i don't even know where to start, and i feel like i can't start until this part is over.

[scarlyjones]

And its such a "girl thing" to put words in the guys mouth

 

 

 

No, its a wake up call hun. If you can treat a person like this, and still think you "love" them, you obviously have a warped idea of love. Just like the little kids who torture their pets yet dont know any better. Its FUN for them to do, but in their minds they arent doing it cuz they hate their pets..they are doing it because as i said..they enjoy that.

 

 

 

because she stated multiple times she did, which is BS. It really doesnt matter if you view it as an insult, its an insult to everyones intelligence to say 'i love my bf..but i constantly cheat on him, but i feel guilty so i love him!"

 

 

 

I stated a fact, a normal person would not want to continue to be with someone who treats them poorly. There are many cases of people staying with someone who is abusive mentally or physically because they themselves have problems. Dont try to tell me what im implying, I'm the one who typed it, I'd know

 

 

 

I dont need to get inside this chicks head to figure out she doesnt love her bf. I can judge by her actions, you dont like it? well..too bad. it doesnt change the fact that her actions show she doesnt love her bf. I'm using the word love as its common among our culture. To love someone is to respect and care for them to do anything not to hurt them. There isnt anything you can say to change that, Penny

 

 

 

No, they were along the lines of "stop feeding us this BS about how you love someone you clearly dont" who said I was trying to help her? I got out of that mind state as soon as I saw this chick making excuses, attacking others for calling her on her shady behavior, and trying to cram down our throats that she "loves her bf" And really, is trying to analyze my posts and whining about it anymore helpful?

 

 

 

And to this I ask: what purpose does your post, questioning my post, serve? Besides to go on about "you arent helpful youre calling her a slut"

 

People just need to stop kidding themselves when they claim they love someone they treated like a piece of dog sh*t, and as someone thats been cheated on? yeah, it REALLY pisses me off to see people defend themselves or try to stay they love someone they could do that too.

 

I feel absolutely Zero sympathy for anyone who treats and honestly? I think they deserve every bit of pain they feel, cuz it doesnt begin to compare to what the person who got f*cked over is feeling.

 

I hope this chick all the well, but at the same time; I hope her bf gets the f*ck out of her life

 

Holy sweet hell in a hand basket......

 

 

Spectre is dead on.

 

You dont love this guy. You are in love with "needing" a man. You've been passed around like a joint since you were 14. You absolutely cannot do the things you do to another person and claim you love them. I think you lay alot of your emotional load upon this guy. I think you rely on him to "be" there for you. I think you have really fell in love with needing his attention thrust upon you. But you do not love him. Explain to me how you would even know what love is. You've gone from guy to guy cheating on one after another since 14 years old. You counldnt POSSIBLY know what love is. What you feel is panic. Panic for the possibility that this "male" in your life will no longer be there. This dynamic you've set up is crumbling and that freaks you out. You dont know what you are going to do without him. You mistake all this for "love". Love is never doing anything to hurt the one you are devoted to. You hurt him regularly, and are far from devoted. How could you possibly be thinking about marriage, family, and kids? You clearly seek male attention and approval.

[Blather1213]

do you actually think you've stumbled upon something new here, some brand new idea about why i do what i do? do you think you're saying anything i don't already know? why do you think i am trying to figure all this stuff out for myself, scarly?

 

you had a lot of questions for me, showing there are many things you do not know. so how you get to guess what i am feeling, thinking, or "mistaking" for something else, is beyond me.

 

don't think you're giving me any wake-up calls here. everything you said has been said, by me and by others. nothing shocking. the point is getting help with it, which if you read you would see that is a decision i have made. so if you got anything else, something new that can help me, by all means, bring it on.

 

i'm really listening.

[purspeed]

do you actually think you've stumbled upon something new here, some brand new idea about why i do what i do? do you think you're saying anything i don't already know? why do you think i am trying to figure all this stuff out for myself, scarly?

 

you had a lot of questions for me, showing there are many things you do not know. so how you get to guess what i am feeling, thinking, or "mistaking" for something else, is beyond me.

 

don't think you're giving me any wake-up calls here. everything you said has been said, by me and by others. nothing shocking. the point is getting help with it, which if you read you would see that is a decision i have made. so if you got anything else, something new that can help me, by all means, bring it on.

 

i'm really listening.

 

Here's something new:

 

First off, there is a lot more to a relationship than sexual fidelity. It's important, but not critical to a successful relationship.

 

I hear all of these comments by the self-righteous about doing the right thing (whatever that could mean).

 

It's clear that you are aware of your own behaviour and addiction. It's also clear that you want help. (that's good stuff)

 

Now, from what I read above, you really do love this guy. What type of love you have, I don't know (nor care)?

 

Give the man some space, let him bang a few girls and get it out of his system. Then, get back to the table.

 

Right now, just give the poor boy some space and respect. The news is very shocking and his brain will need time to adjust. Show genuine concern and remorse. Chill on the sausege-fest for a while or permanently. (since you're desensitized with sex, it's tough to appreciate how intimate it can be for most...thus, you don't empathize)

 

As for you, try not to think about him, literally. When he comes to mind, think about something else.

 

Time will heal the wounds.

 

Do not make any drastic decisions because you are emotional. Emotional decisions feel 100% right, but they are wrong most of the time.

 

Don't move his stuff out. Save all the dramatic gestures.

[destination_unknown]

Hi blatherer,

 

So you made the first step. You have faced up with honesty to your problem. I definitely think that a good therapist would help you, as others have suggested. I'm not sure if you were keen on the idea earlier in the thread, but did you think a little more about that?

 

The only other things that I can think will help you is spending time with yourself, reflecting. A change of heart is what needs to happen, a change where you can feel the hurt that you caused others through the cheating, feel how they would feel.

 

Set a higher standard for yourself, because you can live up to that standard and you dont want to be selling yourself short. Doing some spiritual reading and reflection might help. It seems like your problem has had the characteristics of a snowball and you havent been able to put your foot on the snowball and stop it growing and hurtling faster. You can do that now if you can take time to really reflect and think on it. Journalling in a quiet place.

 

Gotta support your efforts to change.

[HokeyReligions]

I had some sympathy for you, until you tried to play this "if i didnt care this wouldnt happen"

 

The fact is, even if you cared, it was nowhere NEAR enough, nor anywhere near the amount of care a person should have for someone they're dating. Don't try to play it off with the guise of "i dont want him to be stuck with me" well, this is because you think he's going to propose. Before that, you didnt seem to "care" at all when you were out sleeping around, did you? Do not play this game

 

Being a jerk..kinda like cheating on someone constantly and only wanting to confess to them once you get the inkling they are going to propose? As they say, he who lives in a glass house throw the first stone, and in this case, your house is made of tissue paper.

 

 

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. You might not of cheated with the mindset "im doing this to hurt my bf" but, you still showed complete lack of respect for him as a person.

 

 

Guilt isnt a sign of love, and again no: you do not love this kid. You love this guy the same way those little kids who torture hamsters love their pets. You DONT get brownie points for being honest. You arent doing this guy some grand service, youre owning up to your own sh*t. You might not hate this guy, but when you love someone it requires a certain amount if caring, respect, and understanding, and really? You have none, the fact that you wanna tell this guy the truth before marrying him just shows you have some decency in you, but it doesnt mean you love him. Actions speak louder than words

 

This was pretty harsh, but I think you need to hear it. This is what I meant in my post when I said it doesn't sound like you love him. The hampster analogy was (ick) good. Not all love is healthy for the lover or the lovee.

 

There is no way out of this without both of you being hurt. No way.

 

If you don't know how or when to tell him, then do this. Write him a letter. Tell him you want to come to his house for a few minutes. Hand him the note - heck, print out this whole thread and use it - tell him that you have something to tell him that you know is going to hurt him and tell him how sorry you are about it. Offer to sit in your car while he reads it - or sit in another room until he tells you to leave. Tell him to take time to read and absorb the information and that you will be available to answer as many questions as you can - if he has any questions. Do this when he does not have to go to work the next day, or has any plans for the next day.

 

You've known about this - you will have to give him time to take it in and think about it. He's going to be angry. He might say things that he will later regret - don't yell back or get defensive. Let him get it out.

 

Then go home and cry, post on LS or another site, call a friend, call the crisis hotline if you need to. Then see a doctor - I think that you might benefit from some counseling to help you understand yourself and why you do this. There is no magic pill to make you change, but understanding why you do this will help you accept and love yourself and give you the strength to make whatever changes you want to make and are ready to make; and/or to accept your decisions without the guilt and fear of hurting others.

[witabix]

Hi blather,

 

Well done so far.

 

You have the done the hardest part now.

 

You must now just trust to fate. You have to let this man decide what he wants to do next, if you want him back that is.

 

He is going through a lot of turmoil also, as for his cheating.....

 

Well I don't get that, was he pre-empting something? Did he suspect something?

 

Anyway the two of you have some deep soul searching to do. This whole situation seems like a disaster to me, you cheated on him and he cheated on you, maybe.

 

All you can do now is wait to see what he does. Don't try to force his hand, and if you want him back I would suggest NOT packing his stuff up. That will show him you DON'T want him back. Believe me that is how it will be read, and will probably lead to even more angry exchanges of words.

 

Just let it slide for now, take time to really analyse your own mind and find some peace with yourself.

 

To all those posters taking pot-shots at blather here I would say, try to be kinder people! I am a steel hard cynic, really! I also understand when someone is in pain for the mistakes/errors/bad choices/and totally stupid decisions they make. I have done all that and more. Forgiveness can be a wonderfully fulfilling experience, for both parties. I have been forgiven for some dreadful behaviour and I have forgiven (Not very much and not very often I hasten to add), but I look forward to the day when/if it happens that I can truly show someone that I forgive them for what they have done to me.

 

This is not about religion by the way, just plain boring old humanity, to truly forgive someone is to love. You don't have to love the transgressor, just forgive.