i constantly cheat, why???

[Brittanyjean06]

Are these acts of cumpulsion? things you can't stop doing? If you love him so much what urges you to continue infedelity? If you love him than It's not a problem between you both. It's your own problem that you have to come to terms with. I'm not sure how far along this thread got, But I'll throw in some of my own advice. This would break his heart terribly, I don't know if you should tell him.. I think you should lay off of him tell him you need space and go get your self come help. You will be able to find the hidden problem from there, and hopefully you will have more of a understanding as to why you shoulden't be cheating on him. I don't know how you feel personally but you know its wrong if your coming here, be true to your self..and know that you are doing wrong and maybe right now you don't desearve him as of this moment.

 

I respect everyone who didn't bash on you and are trying to understand how you feel. What are the updates of this?

[purspeed]

Brittanyjean06: you're just repeating my advice in a much longer, tedious, round-about way.

[Brittanyjean06]

hmm tedious? thanks.

[bab]

I curious to know what happened with this. Is Blather still around?

[Guest]

The fact that Blather1213 has constantly cheated on her boyfriends seems to suggest she has a major issue in trusting men, no matter how nice or loving. This is usually due to her own father (or lack of), being the primary male role model in her life.

 

I've come across many women who have severe difficulty in keeping a relationship together and they all have the same problem - trouble with daddy. Usually he treats them with no love/respect or just isn't around full stop.

 

I wonder if its the same case here.

 

If so, I suggest therapy. Good luck.

[Mspiggy]

I'm sooo happy to find this forum..I've been struggling with similar issues for years now. I am with my highschool sweetheart. We started out when we were just 13 and are still together at 24. We live together are engaged, etc. I have found myself in three serious relationships while I've been with him. A little different than your situation but similar in the infidelity category nonetheless.

 

I'd like to share a little background and see if you can relate with any of this stuff. I grew up with a single mom, saw her date ALOT and get her heartbroken alot not to mention I grew up seeing her treat men poorly and cheat on them. I was also molested as a child and not to make that as an excuse but i have an incredibly hard time trusting men and/or relationships in general. I mean any kind of relationship. I just don't trust people at all. I first cheated when I was 17, then at 22, and now again at 23. I "talked" and dated many guys in between but these are the points in our relationship that I had a sexual, "meaningful" relationship with other men.

 

I do feel I can stop though but now of course i've found somone that I RREALLYYY care for. Unlike your boyfriend, mine suspects it because I'm always going out, don't pick up my phone, etc.

 

I seriously applaud you for telling your boyfriend. I must be honest, as independent, strong, and "carefree" as I am (think I am anyway), I could NEVER see myself confessing because I know it would hurt him just wayyyyyy toooo much. I've expressed my unhappiness with him many times, but it seems to fall on deaf ears. He's still in love which i'm NOT, i do love him tremendously but not in love.

 

I want out of this relationship but don't know where/how to get out. I tell him I want to end it and he says NO and tells me how things are going to get better, and he's still in love with me and I just MELT. It seems harder too because we live together. I am not saying, my actions are right but I've expressed over and over how I want out and I"m not happy in this relationship.

[purspeed]

This is your low self-esteem brain:

 

 

I have no confidence about anything. I don’t want responsibility for breaking up.

 

I don’t want responsibility for making a relationship work.

 

It’s my passive copout. It’s my way of glamorizing and defending my low opinion of myself.

[Guest]

MsPiggy.

 

Your mother and her boyfriends haven't given you much reason to trust anyone. Your position is completely understandable. I would seriously seek professional help though, rather than an internet forum where people give advice with no qualifications.

 

I think its really important you go to someone professional, or else you will simply continue to have problems in your relationships. Your cheating is a symptom of an underlying issue, it'll be good to talk to someone who can help with it.

 

This isn't to say you will be fine after, but at least you might know yourself a little better.

 

Its time to put your mouth where your heart is.

[Guest]

Don't marry him!!! But I'm not saying that for his benefit.... Don't tell him because...guess what???? They all cheated on you too! Oh yes, us girls we like to think the good guys we have been with or are with would never cheat. But they do!!!! So, listen... Just enjoy it... So he hasn't asked you if you've cheated yet... enjoy it!

[Guest]

All this talk about "feelings" is for nothing if we can't cut to the core issue.

 

 

Blatherer is a person wish some serious deficiencies in her personality, and she really doesn't have any business being in a committed relationship. I personally HOPE that the boyfriend dumps her - it's for her own good. She's totalled f-ed up this relationship and there's pretty much no turning back. HOWEVER she can still learn and grow from this experience. Assuming she goes on to get therapy for her behavioral problems - she will come out ahead in the long run. I'm not gloating over her pain - I'm merely saying that she has to take responsibility like an adult. She is 30, but has the emotional maturity of a 16 year old.

[WithOrWithoutYou]

If your intention is to end it with him, then I think telling him the big picture version of the truth is probably ok.

 

If you seriously want to work it out with him, and if he wants details (he may or may not), I think you need to give him all of the details he wants, truthfully. What you are missing in all of this is that the details do effect him, whether you think they do or not, because it is you who has betrayed him, and if he wants to know them, and you remain closed-mouthed about that, he will have no reason to trust anything you ever say again, going foward. Refusing to share details if he wants them may make it easier on yourself, but if you really care about him, you will tell him what he asks.

 

I will (and have) forgiven a lot, but dishonesty going foward (including dishonesty by omission) is something that I have never tolerated from anyone, and I have ended relationships for that reason.

 

I do feel bad for your situation, and I agree with what others have said that it is possible that there may be some illness involved. Do consider though, that it may really just be the choices you are making. I hope you figure it out, and if he does forgive you, make a conscious choice (yes, even if it is not the most fun or exciting thing to do) to throw those numbers away, or better yet, don't get other guy's numbers in the first place. You need to make some decisions about what you really want, and do whatever is required to make it happen (if he will still have you). Even if he won't, keep these things in mind when getting into a new relationship, and if it is an exclusive relationship, just simply choose to not cheat on someone else again. If you do want to cheat, end the relationship, and then do what you want. You can do whatever you choose to do. It is called free will. You can simply choose to not continue the pattern of behavior. Give it some thought.