How Do Wives Do It?

[Casoria]

I really have this question to ask.

How do wives take a man that has cheated on them back?

 

My guy went back to his wife after she started following him around. And I really believe that they might be having sex although we just had sex about two weeks ago. I know that most of you didn't have this, but I do know that he and I were exclusive. She is not very good in bed and so he had sex with me.

 

But I have to wonder how in the world how wives can be that forgiving to have sex with a man after he has cheated on her? I mean, I don't know how I did what I did. I mean, I am feeling the emotional pain as if I was hit by a car. I am hurting so bad by the entire thing that I am physically ill. But how does a wife allow herself to lie back down in bed with him?

 

I really believe that he must by lying to her and probably telling her that the last time was 6 months ago or something like that.

 

I realize that I am still carrying his lie and he is with her right now "romancing the stone." I really need some relief from all of this pain. I mean, he didn't want anyone to know about it so I have been keeping his secret. And now that he told it (only when it was to his advantage), I am still holding his secret and it has become my secret now!

 

I need to write a book or create or tell my story. I don't expect much empathy for my suffering. But in the end, I still have to love me even if the world doesn't like me for falling in love AND believing a married man.

[Mascara]

Because she loves him and believes the marriage is worth saving? I know women whose husbands have had affairs, and the first times they have sex are emotionally painful, but they force themselves through it because they believe the marriage is worth saving. Eventually the pain lessens and sex becomes a normal part of life again. It's a bit like forcing yourself to smile even when you don't feel like it.... do it often enough and eventually you find you WANT to smile.

 

He probably is lying to her, just like he probably lied to you about some things. But why does that concern you? They clearly want to make a go of their marriage, only time can tell whether they will be successful. But now is the time for you to take a step back and let nature take its course on that. Because if he does come back to you, you're going to have to decide whether you too are going to forgive him - just as his wife has. And if you DO forgive him, you'll have answered your own question as to why wives forgive their cheating partners.

[newbby]

i'm sorry but i think posts like this are the equivalent of narrow and judgemental posts about ow. why do we become ow for example? not the best decision in the world is it?

people generally act pretty unconsciously, until they realise, and then they act unconsciously until they do something about it.

[silktricks]

I really have this question to ask.

How do wives take a man that has cheated on them back?

They love them.

 

I know that most of you didn't have this, but I do know that he and I were exclusive. She is not very good in bed and so he had sex with me.

and you know this how? because he said so? :lmao:

 

My H said the same thing, and though I had left him - we were still having sex regularly - multiple times a week. I would bet that many (if not most) MM tell the OW the same thing.

 

I really believe that he must by lying to her and probably telling her that the last time was 6 months ago or something like that.

That could be, or it could be that she loves him and is happy he's with her, trying to get past the pain of his unfaithfulness.

 

I realize that I am still carrying his lie and he is with her right now "romancing the stone."

You do know that you are just believing his lies about her, right?

 

I need to write a book or create or tell my story. I don't expect much empathy for my suffering. But in the end, I still have to love me even if the world doesn't like me for falling in love AND believing a married man.

 

You'll get tons of empathy here, but writing a book is probably a waste of time, because the story lines are all the same. There's nothing wrong with you. You made a mistake. You're human - mistakes come with the territory. Hopefully you'll learn from this one, pick yourself up, go on, and not make the same mistake again.

 

(BTW, if you really want to know how the wives feel, not just how OW's think the wives feel, post on the infidelity board.)

[HeyYouGuys]

I really have this question to ask.

How do wives take a man that has cheated on them back?

 

My guy went back to his wife after she started following him around. And I really believe that they might be having sex although we just had sex about two weeks ago. I know that most of you didn't have this, but I do know that he and I were exclusive. She is not very good in bed and so he had sex with me.

 

But I have to wonder how in the world how wives can be that forgiving to have sex with a man after he has cheated on her? I mean, I don't know how I did what I did. I mean, I am feeling the emotional pain as if I was hit by a car. I am hurting so bad by the entire thing that I am physically ill. But how does a wife allow herself to lie back down in bed with him?

 

the world doesn't like me for falling in love AND believing a married man.

 

If you are suffering and hurting, imagine how SHE must feel!

 

She took him back because she hopes to end the pain. She hopes to fix what's broken.

 

By the way, he probably lied to you too.

[newbby]

casoria,

i think you will probably begin to get some unsympathetic responses. its difficult, really painful. i think alot of the pain in your stage of the relationship comes from confusion and fear and guilt too. you have to accept yourself for this decision, and love yourself anyway. dont judge yourself, and i think judgement of others always has its roots in judgement of ourselves. so you made a mistake, so what? you fell in love and were seduced by a what could be fantasy, but hey, if you didnt take that risk you might just as easily kick yourself that you never took a chance on it. dont carry it with you forever and certainly dont write a book on it! lol.

[iron_m]

Probably you are more interested in why this particular woman is taking him back, but some of the general answers were given above.

 

 

I'd ask you also: let's assume that he gets back to you and he tells you again that you are better than her and that he actually loves you and not her... bla, bla, bla... would you believe him and take him back?

 

start thinking of that question (that may well happen son) and be sincere with yourself... and that may even contain the answer to your own question

[bunset]

Casoria,

 

I suspect it is because the W has made a commitment and will do whatever it takes to keep her world together. She probably accepts that her WS is human and will try to love him, just as he is.

I know my xMM's BS sees his infidelity as an addiction and will work hard, in her love, to help him through it. I even told him that he has to see the A as past, and should be viewed no different than relationships he had before he married her.

Otherwise, if they don't put it behind them, it is very difficult to move forward. They'll get stuck in the A and not work on the issues between them.

[Blind Illusion]

Whether we are married to the person, dating, or involved with them on the side, the heart always wants us to believe in the person that is the object of our affection. We want to believe that an error was made and there is hope for a brighter tomorrow. Sometimes, that is so. People do make mistakes and change. Sometimes the same things keeps happening. It is at that point where the brain hopefully competes with heart to be the deciding force.

[casoria99]

I think I was so upset the other night when I posted this question. But this is my real question. How do married men have the ability to get away with this? How do these men, who are preachers and seem so nice, have the ability to slither their way from one woman to the next. What he did is made me responsible for everything. i am so angry right now. I am not so concerned about being with him but that he used what he knew about me to hurt me and to make him look like a victim.

[Blind Illusion]

Not really knowing your story & what happened, I'll guess and say that it was easier to blame you than to obviously take responsibility for his own misconduct to his wife, if she found out. It was easier for him to offer this explanation and easier for his wife to accept that it was you as opposed to her husband that was in the wrong.

[2sunny]

I think I was so upset the other night when I posted this question. But this is my real question. How do married men have the ability to get away with this? How do these men, who are preachers and seem so nice, have the ability to slither their way from one woman to the next. What he did is made me responsible for everything. i am so angry right now. I am not so concerned about being with him but that he used what he knew about me to hurt me and to make him look like a victim.

 

You should have expected him to blame you and make you look bad.

 

That is one way to earn his wife's sympathy and get her to take him back. If there is ever a way for the WS to try to eliminate the blame being pointed at themselves they will go for that option every time. It makes it easier for them to be forgiven and try to put the marriage back together.

 

They know the truth deep down and have to look themselves in the mirror... that is your ONLY revenge...

 

Now go do something nice for yourself today! Get your nails done - or buy an ice cream cone...

[Guest]

You should have expected him to blame you and make you look bad.

 

That is one way to earn his wife's sympathy and get her to take him back. If there is ever a way for the WS to try to eliminate the blame being pointed at themselves they will go for that option every time. It makes it easier for them to be forgiven and try to put the marriage back together.

 

They know the truth deep down and have to look themselves in the mirror... that is your ONLY revenge...

 

Now go do something nice for yourself today! Get your nails done - or buy an ice cream cone...

 

Well I didn't expect him to be so callous because I was holding his secrets. He was a sheep in wolf's clothing. So I didn't see that coming. Somehow I thought that he would love me enough to say that he was gay. (don't laugh)...hahaha...I am actually laughing at myself and this whole thing!

 

And I did take your advice and got a manicure and a pedicure today! I even got my eyebrows arched! Watch out world!

[justice]

I really have this question to ask.

How do wives take a man that has cheated on them back?

 

My guy went back to his wife after she started following him around. And I really believe that they might be having sex although we just had sex about two weeks ago. I know that most of you didn't have this, but I do know that he and I were exclusive. She is not very good in bed and so he had sex with me.

 

But I have to wonder how in the world how wives can be that forgiving to have sex with a man after he has cheated on her? I mean, I don't know how I did what I did. I mean, I am feeling the emotional pain as if I was hit by a car. I am hurting so bad by the entire thing that I am physically ill. But how does a wife allow herself to lie back down in bed with him?

 

I really believe that he must by lying to her and probably telling her that the last time was 6 months ago or something like that.

 

I realize that I am still carrying his lie and he is with her right now "romancing the stone." I really need some relief from all of this pain. I mean, he didn't want anyone to know about it so I have been keeping his secret. And now that he told it (only when it was to his advantage), I am still holding his secret and it has become my secret now!

 

I need to write a book or create or tell my story. I don't expect much empathy for my suffering. But in the end, I still have to love me even if the world doesn't like me for falling in love AND believing a married man.

 

As a wife of a cheater, I can tell you why. It's because we love them and we want to save our marriage, if more "other women" would stop and think before they get into the sack with someone else's husband, these questions you have would never need to be asked. Why did you start having the affair in the first place when you knew that he already had a wife? C'mon now, you have to be fair here. That's like jumping in the fire fresh out of the frying pan. If he lied to her about you, then he's probably lying to you about the situation with her. Mine was and admitted it. Find yourself someone single, someone who is free to love you and leave the married men alone. Best of luck. This wasn't meant to be offensive.

[casoria99]

As a wife of a cheater, I can tell you why. It's because we love them and we want to save our marriage, if more "other women" would stop and think before they get into the sack with someone else's husband, these questions you have would never need to be asked. Why did you start having the affair in the first place when you knew that he already had a wife? C'mon now, you have to be fair here. That's like jumping in the fire fresh out of the frying pan. If he lied to her about you, then he's probably lying to you about the situation with her. Mine was and admitted it. Find yourself someone single, someone who is free to love you and leave the married men alone. Best of luck. This wasn't meant to be offensive.

 

I don't consider you offensive at all. I still have to wonder why wives take these men back?

 

My answer: Love a little bit. Low self esteem- a lot. They do not want anyone else to have him. Finding out that their man has cheated makes them threatened and competitive and they would rather keep him than let him go and be with someone else. It's a control thing and an attempt to prove that they are the better woman. Also, if women are getting older they have less opportunity to find a man that will be attracted to them.

 

But you should befriend the woman and let him go. If men suffered consequences of being LONELY themselves or being held accountable, then perhaps they would stop. It just seems that this place is filled with broken women (on both sides) and I haven't seen too many men on this board that represent the husbands that broke hearts and commitments. Where are they? I imagine still doing what they do. But it's wives attacking the other women and the other women trying to deal with their confusion and justify their choices.

 

To the wives, believe me when I tell you, I would trade this for anything if I could. I believed him. Surely you believed him too when he gave vows and said that he would honor you forever. What person can really keep that promise? Yet you actually believed it. Even if he never cheated he probably has not always honored you. And you expect him to honor you when you don't honor yourself by honoring yourself!

 

If he is believable enough for you to marry him then why would I not believe him when he said that he didn't love you anymore, he's there for the kids, the house, and it's all a faccade? If I am expected to see what's going on, then why didn't you BEFORE he cheated? But you believed him because he kissed you on the cheek every morning before leaving for work and he finally fixed the leaking faucet.

 

Women would do better if we formed alliances rather than blame each other.

 

All these problems begin with WOMEN IN GENERAL. No matter who we are. It starts with us. The catty fights, the jealousy, the competiveness, the titles, the who's the prettiest, the comparisons, etc. start in grade school. The first few weeks of school, my 8 year old daughter had a girl come after her because this girls "crush" sat next to my child. She was hated on everyday. He was "cheating" because in 3rd grade, you are not supposed to get caught TALKING TO GIRLS. She came home crying one day because he let her use his pencil sharpener!

 

But rather than the girl go after the boy, she spent her time wreaking havoc in my daughter's life. And the boy told my daughter that he though the other girl was ugly. The girl's value was placed on the fact that she was supposed to be the only girl that had permission to use his sharpener or even say hello!

 

If girls were taught to get along and continue those relationships in adulthood, we would all be better for it. So yes, men have their problems...but we as women have to come together and place blame where it truly belongs (ourselves as a collective). Then we need to hold our men accountable and stop allowing them to have their cake and eat it too.

 

There's more to life than being some cheating husbands wife or mistress. Being a woman who loves herself is a great place to start (with or without a man).

[Mascara]

 

My answer: Love a little bit. Low self esteem- a lot. They do not want anyone else to have him. Finding out that their man has cheated makes them threatened and competitive and they would rather keep him than let him go and be with someone else. It's a control thing and an attempt to prove that they are the better woman. Also, if women are getting older they have less opportunity to find a man that will be attracted to them.

 

Oh how silly. Go and read the infidelity forum and you'll see how much pain and heartbreak there is when a spouse discovers an affair. A wife will not stay in a marriage for years and years afterwards trying to mend it because she is being spiteful. For goodness sake. I'm sure this is what you would like to believe, because the reality that someone actually LOVES your man is too painful to face.

[Buttaflyy]

She took back HER man! How can she sleep with him after he's cheated you ask? Because he made a promise to her that he's made to no other woman. She has every right to do what she damned well pleases. How could yousleep with him knowing he had a wife and of course (regardless of what he told you) was sleeping with her?

 

The nerve of some people Now you're hurting and you feel as if she's causing your pain. Karma is a female dog with a vengence!

[casoria99]

You are getting angry because you are facing the fact that I might be telling the truth. See, I had conversations with your man that you could never have because you are the wife. I am not trying to hate on you but you should understand that there was a REASON for another woman to be with your man. And it was given to us by YOUR HUSBAND. If the other woman brought you a recorder with your man's voice on it reasoning to her that your marriage was just a business decision and you were despicable, disgusting, evil, bad, horrible, etc. and he was crying through the whole tape, then you would still blame the other woman and sleep with HIM the next night!

He promised you a bunch of bologna and he proved to us that he was a real turkey.

Did you ever think that the only reason it's a secret is because he wanted it that way?

Better yet, bring your man onto the forums and let him tell us what's going on without you standing over him like a hawk. Give him a chance to really express his TRUE FEELINGS about the entire situation. Not just what he tells you because it's what you want to hear and that it will save his worldly possesions. But what's in his heart. You couldn't be unjudgemental and allow him to tell the WHOLE TRUTH. The only honesty that you have so far is that he admitted to being with the other woman but he hasn't told you the complete story and deep down you know that that's why you are still searching for answers.

Bring your man on and allow him to talk about THE REAL YOU, too. Then you might understand why someone else was with him.

So quit acting like grade school girls and go after the one that really broke your promises rather than dumping your pain onto the other woman. I am dealing with my own pain and I don't expect you to be empathetic. But my dear, when you put him back in the bed with you, and you are still on the boards going off, then that is a sign that you probably aren't ready to sleep with him. But perhaps you are doing it to keep him from strolling again?

But learn to LOVE YOURSELF with or without your husbands fidelity.

Because I am going to.

[norajane]

Consdering that the OW has had years, in some cases, to accept that the MM is a lying, cheating bastard (and welcomes him into her arms for the duration anyway), it's not surprising that a W would at least need some time to come to terms with who her husband really is, what he's done, and whether she really can stay with him. In the meantime, there's no need for the W to make any rash moves. She's holding the cards.

[Mascara]

LOLOLOL, I am not the wife.

 

I actually got my man! You know why? Because mine wasn't lying to me that his marriage was dead, like yours was. He didn't have to make up an excuse to me that "it would cost him his worldly possessions.". He wanted me ENOUGH to find a way. Heck, if Henry the Eighth managed it, what makes your man so special!

 

Get that same tape recorder girl and listen to what he's telling his wife about you!!

 

"She came onto me, it was a mistake, I was weak, she meant nothing, I love you, SHE IS NOTHING TO ME"

 

To quote yourself, listen to what he is telling his wife - Not just what he tells you because it's what you want to hear.

 

Man, you need a serious reality check. You'll never get over him till you do.

[Buttaflyy]

You are getting angry because you are facing the fact that I might be telling the truth. See, I had conversations with your man that you could never have because you are the wife. .

 

Sweetheart, you've gotta understand that the wife and husband has experienced things so much more extreme than conversation that you never will. Think about it. If you were his savior why didn't he divorce her and marry you?

 

I am not trying to hate on you but you should understand that there was a REASON for another woman to be with your man. And it was given to us by YOUR HUSBAND. If the other woman brought you a recorder with your man's voice on it reasoning to her that your marriage was just a business decision and you were despicable, disgusting, evil, bad, horrible, etc. and he was crying through the whole tape, then you would still blame the other woman and sleep with HIM the next night!

 

But this describes only the type of "man" that you were dealing with. Believe me, it would take a real creep to behave this way and in the end, damn he still left you?

 

He promised you a bunch of bologna and he proved to us that he was a real turkey.

Did you ever think that the only reason it's a secret is because he wanted it that way?

 

My point exactly! Why would you deal with someone like this. He from the door is showing you that he is unfaithful. Doesn't have any of the good qualities that a normal woman looks for in a mate.

 

Better yet, bring your man onto the forums and let him tell us what's going on without you standing over him like a hawk. Give him a chance to really express his TRUE FEELINGS about the entire situation. Not just what he tells you because it's what you want to hear and that it will save his worldly possesions. But what's in his heart. You couldn't be unjudgemental and allow him to tell the WHOLE TRUTH. The only honesty that you have so far is that he admitted to being with the other woman but he hasn't told you the complete story and deep down you know that that's why you are still searching for answers.

 

Honey, your the one searching for the answers here. I ask you again, were you not worth his "true" happiness? Bottom line is a lot of men find it hard when a dog is throwing him a bone. (no offense, honestly)

 

Bring your man on and allow him to talk about THE REAL YOU, too. Then you might understand why someone else was with him.

So quit acting like grade school girls and go after the one that really broke your promises rather than dumping your pain onto the other woman. I am dealing with my own pain and I don't expect you to be empathetic. But my dear, when you put him back in the bed with you, and you are still on the boards going off, then that is a sign that you probably aren't ready to sleep with him. But perhaps you are doing it to keep him from strolling again?

But learn to LOVE YOURSELF with or without your husbands fidelity.

Because I am going to.

 

Realize that you were a pawn in the game hun. Realize that you should want a man of your own that can be devoted to you. Normal women want those things for themselves. Work out your issues, find your own self worth. Hopefully after you've dug deep in your pockets for it, you'll be able to afford for yourself true happiness. At no one elses expense.

 

BTW, marriage is a very adult thing. It's not for schoolgirls at all, maybe that's why you can't grasp the concept of your original question. I'll answer it for you, wives do it because they've made a promise before GOD and their man that they'd stick threw it through thick thin and everything in between. For some, a situation like you...just a small thing, and this too shall pass. Hopefully he won't wag his tail the next time someone wags their ass across his path.

[casoria99]

Consdering that the OW has had years, in some cases, to accept that the MM is a lying, cheating bastard (and welcomes him into her arms for the duration anyway), it's not surprising that a W would at least need some time to come to terms with who her husband really is, what he's done, and whether she really can stay with him. In the meantime, there's no need for the W to make any rash moves. She's holding the cards.

 

I do understand that. It's really strange to be on this side of it because I didn't decide to do it and wasn't pursuing him. It happened and then I think I was faced with dealing with my own guilt immediately. I really was convinced he wasn't lying because of what he told me. Now that it's over, I get a chance to look at it more objectively. She is truly holding the cards and so I don't think she should act impulsively by sleeping with him. You are giving into him the same way that I did. It doesn't make the wife better for sleeping with him because "she can." You should really focus on learning about him and being able to deal with other deep down truths about him that he can't share with you because you are in denial and he doesn't want to argue.

 

He goes from one woman to the next and you really think he is sorry. You found out and that doesn't make him truly sorry. If he has caused pain, even to the other woman, and is not remorseful and can't be openly remorseful to you about his feelings, then deep down inside, he will never be able to be the man that you want him to be.

 

So rather than sleep with him, why don't wives work on the ability to really talk to your man, like we do, to find out what's going on in his head. And quit making other women who are in pain responsible for the vows that your man couldn't keep. Better yet, why don't you ask him to repeat the vows he made to you years ago. I bet he doesn't even remember them! You holding other women accountable for those vows and you shouldn't even hold him accountable. I see why couples RENEW their vows every few years.

[bunset]

Yes, the venom is silly.

The man is not a posession. He's a person. Perhaps it would be best if we all understood that we're human, and imperfect, but we're not all incompetent children that must be guided!

It's honest and OK to admit we're human and that relationships do involve selfish motives on all parties' sides.

There's a problem in the M if he seeks intimate companionship elsewhere - the problem may only be in his heart and 'blame' solves nothing.

It is egotistical and unrealistic to expect outside people to honor and respect vows that 2 people make to each other.

Life and Love all involve someone entering and -most likely- leaving.

Life and Love shouldn't be considered a game (perhaps a challenge at times, though)

We're all entitled to pursue happiness, and it is our own personal responsibility to protect ourselves and our children from outright harm...

Heartbreak is not a fatal injury, unless you allow it to be.

Every now and then we MUST step outside of the emotions and ego.

Stop playing the martyr (because you may have forgotton that they usually die)

[casoria99]

Consdering that the OW has had years, in some cases, to accept that the MM is a lying, cheating bastard (and welcomes him into her arms for the duration anyway), it's not surprising that a W would at least need some time to come to terms with who her husband really is, what he's done, and whether she really can stay with him. In the meantime, there's no need for the W to make any rash moves. She's holding the cards.

 

I do understand that. It's really strange to be on this side of it because I didn't decide to do it and wasn't pursuing him. It happened and then I think I was faced with dealing with my own guilt immediately. I really was convinced he wasn't lying because of what he told me. Now that it's over, I get a chance to look at it more objectively. She is truly holding the cards and so I don't think she should act impulsively by sleeping with him. You are giving into him the same way that I did. It doesn't make the wife better for sleeping with him because "she can." You should really focus on learning about him and being able to deal with other deep down truths about him that he can't share with you because you are in denial and he doesn't want to argue.

 

He goes from one woman to the next and you really think he is sorry. You found out and that doesn't make him truly sorry. If he has caused pain, even to the other woman, and is not remorseful and can't be openly remorseful to you about his feelings, then deep down inside, he will never be able to be the man that you want him to be. He might put on a show of happiness and hide his true feelings because it's better for you and it's what you WANT, but he is only covering up the deep sadness for how he treated the other woman and what he did in her life.

 

So rather than sleep with him, why don't wives work on the ability to really talk to your man, like we do, to find out what's going on in his head. And quit making other women who are in pain responsible for the vows that your man couldn't keep. Better yet, why don't you ask him to repeat the vows he made to you years ago. I bet he doesn't even remember them! You holding other women accountable for those vows and you shouldn't even hold him accountable. I see why couples RENEW their vows every few years.

 

And the reality is that you might keep him from seeing a woman but you can't control his thoughts. He might wake up every morning and think about her. Or a day doesn't go by and he remembers her. You might not ever see him cry about her or even smile at one of her jokes. But if you really want to be your man's friend and lover and trust them, then give him the ability to openly express ALLLLLLL of his feelings to you. Not just the ones that have to prove his vows to you.

 

And understand that if I wanted your man and didn't want you to have him, it wouldn't behoove me to tell you what I know. I sure wouldnt' be trying to teach you how to really find the spot in his mind and heart that I found. So dont' get mad, take the advice. Handle the WHOLE TRUTH...not just the small truth to pin everything on the other woman so you can sleep with him.

[Buttaflyy]

Yes, the venom is silly.

The man is not a posession. He's a person. Perhaps it would be best if we all understood that we're human, and imperfect, but we're not all incompetent children that must be guided!

It's honest and OK to admit we're human and that relationships do involve selfish motives on all parties' sides.

There's a problem in the M if he seeks intimate companionship elsewhere - the problem may only be in his heart and 'blame' solves nothing.

It is egotistical and unrealistic to expect outside people to honor and respect vows that 2 people make to each other.

Life and Love all involve someone entering and -most likely- leaving.

Life and Love shouldn't be considered a game (perhaps a challenge at times, though)

We're all entitled to pursue happiness, and it is our own personal responsibility to protect ourselves and our children from outright harm...

Heartbreak is not a fatal injury, unless you allow it to be.

Every now and then we MUST step outside of the emotions and ego.

Stop playing the martyr (because you may have forgotton that they usually die)

 

This is logical depending on who you are especially in the relationship. It's sad that it's unrealistic as you say, to expect outside people to honor a marraige. That's where society is lacking respect for other people generally.

 

I am no martyr, I don't come close to being one. But I have been the unknowing OW for 8 mos before I found out. I left him immediately after. Not only because of my most important concern; that he disrespected me, lied to me and took away my choice of being with someone that I could call my own, but because as I sliced the situation to pieces in my mind, there was no way I wanted to contribute to the betrayal of his W. My respect for sisterhood runs pretty deeply. That seems to be a big problem today. Not just respect for your neighbor the stranger, but for another woman.