mopar crazy Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Now I just have a dirty mind and he wasn't flirting w/ me, no way, not him. H and I went to take his truck to my brother's repair shop. As we were in the office w/ my brother his employee walks in. A little info on this guy. He has said things to me like "Your headlights are on" *as he looks at my chest* "Here, I'll stick it somewhere" as he approaches me w/ a long tool and is heading for my crotch and I back up and tell him he is a sick perv. Ok, I've accepted it's the way he is, everyone knows it, my brother knows it, my sil knows it. I'm positive I'm not the only woman he acts this way too. Back to being in my brother's office. I was sitting in a chair next to H and he walks in. There is a screw laying on the floor so he picks it up, shows it to me and says "Ya wanna screw?" I start laughing and he says "Geeze, you have a dirty mind! I never meant that." as he giggles and walks out the door. No, he wasn't flirting. Smart ass. And all H says to him is "Don't worry, she laughs when I ask her the samething." OMGOSH! I can't believe H didn't get pissed! As for laughing at him when he wants to have sex...no I don't. Ok, would't anyone else consider that as flirting or do I really just have a dirty mind? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Ok, would't anyone else consider that as flirting or do I really just have a dirty mind? The guy is a loser! What a pud to attempt to get a reaction out of you that way. I would not consider this flirting but I would consider it to be very inappropriate. Your laughing will only encourage it...... but if for some reason you enjoyed the attention from this guy, by all means carry on. Link to post Share on other sites
jerbear Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 I would not say dirty mind more like dirty employee in a mental state. If the employee keeps on doing this, he won't be employed along with his employer. It is inappropriate behavior for a business to allow this to happen, not a respectful business. Business aside, it is disrepectful of a you and your bf's brother. Your bf's brother would need to step up to the plate and tell his employee that his behavior is inappropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Agree with A4A. For me this is inappropriate not flirting. I can't imagine a way someone could do this, and I wouldn't find it a little inappropriate. There's inuendo, and being an outright perv. Either way, in the situation it was in, it's highly inappropriate. Were you laughing to try to just laugh it off, or do you find the humour in it? Perhaps your husband ougth to have asked him to back off a bit? But then if you're laughing, perhaps he doesn't feel the need? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 And all H says to him is "Don't worry, she laughs when I ask her the samething." OMGOSH! I can't believe H didn't get pissed! your hubbie needs to grow some testicles... Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Perhaps your husband ougth to have asked him to back off a bit? But then if you're laughing, perhaps he doesn't feel the need? Well I would have made this loser back off myself....... he is disrespectful of her husband as well with these comments. IMHO. Link to post Share on other sites
littlekitty Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Well I would have made this loser back off myself....... he is disrespectful of her husband as well with these comments. IMHO. Me too! I would have done it at the first occurance, with a fair amount of ease! It would have only required a few words. But it seems if she's laughing, perhaps she's not bothered, and perhaps her husband isn't too?! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Now I just have a dirty mind and he wasn't flirting w/ me, no way, not him. H and I went to take his truck to my brother's repair shop. As we were in the office w/ my brother his employee walks in. A little info on this guy. He has said things to me like "Your headlights are on" *as he looks at my chest* "Here, I'll stick it somewhere" as he approaches me w/ a long tool and is heading for my crotch and I back up and tell him he is a sick perv. Ok, I've accepted it's the way he is, everyone knows it, my brother knows it, my sil knows it. I'm positive I'm not the only woman he acts this way too. Back to being in my brother's office. I was sitting in a chair next to H and he walks in. There is a screw laying on the floor so he picks it up, shows it to me and says "Ya wanna screw?" I start laughing and he says "Geeze, you have a dirty mind! I never meant that." as he giggles and walks out the door. No, he wasn't flirting. Smart ass. And all H says to him is "Don't worry, she laughs when I ask her the samething." OMGOSH! I can't believe H didn't get pissed! As for laughing at him when he wants to have sex...no I don't. Ok, would't anyone else consider that as flirting or do I really just have a dirty mind? Seems to me that you're reading far, far to much into this. IMO - He's only having a laugh with you and means no harm, that said, I'd find it slightly inappropriate and disrespectful to be saying that in-front of me to my wife. Unless we were all good friends that is, and knew it was only meant in jest. I'd say it's just his sense of humour and he means no harm. If your husband had confronted him, he may have ran the risk of coming across paranoid and over-protective. The best person to speak to him, if you feel uncomfortable, would be his boss, your brother! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mopar crazy Posted July 6, 2006 Author Share Posted July 6, 2006 IMO - He's only having a laugh with you and means no harm, that said, I'd find it slightly inappropriate and disrespectful to be saying that in-front of me to my wife. Unless we were all good friends that is, and knew it was only meant in jest. I'd say it's just his sense of humour and he means no harm. Spidey, I think you have hit the nail on the head about the guy. I wouldn't consider us really friends. We have done things w/ them b4, but as a small group. I just think it is the way he is and I have spoke to my brother about it and he just says that is the way he is. I'm sure if it was making me pissed (which it's not, I just wish he wouldn't talk to me that way in front of my H, it's extremely disrespectful, he shouldn't be talking this way anyhow) As for the reason I laughed b/c it was funny. I knew he didn't mean anything by it...it was a just for fun. But to do it front of H was a little off. As for my H's growing some testicles, he has them, believe me, but he knows what this guy is like also so I don't think he is too concerned about it. I guess the point that he does it right in front of my H means he has a lot of f'in guts. This guy is around 5'5 and probably weighs 150 lbs. My H is 6'4 and weighs 250 lbs. Lot of balls to say that to someone's W who is a lot damn bigger than him. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 So what if that's "the way he is." It's sexual harrassment. Pure and simple. Don't laugh if it bothers you. Give him a look and walk out of the room. Or do what I do when that happens to me, laugh hysterically and say "Oh my God, the image of you doing anything like that is hilarious." OR, say "I'd love to "screw," but I like my men well-hung like my husband. Sorry tootsie roll." If you humiliate him, he will stop. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Don't laugh if it bothers you. Give him a look and walk out of the room. I have a better idea NICKI....her husband should say someting if he's present and tell the guy to lay off and if it happens again he'll pay for it. The guy obviously sensed that the hubbie was a ***** and would not say anything. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted July 6, 2006 Share Posted July 6, 2006 Yes, you are right. Hubbie should have defended his wife. The other guy knew he could get away with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiderman Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I'd personally only start to worry if/when he makes inappropriate advances and suggestions behind your husbands back. Sexual harassment - is harassment of a sexual nature involving a range of behaviour from mild transgressions and annoyances to serious abuses which can even involve forced sexual activity. In many cases, I'd say the person does not intend to harass you. The harasser may not realize the behaviour is inappropriate, or that it is making you uncomfortable. Once you bring it to their attention, they will usually stop. Just to put this whole thread into perspective - Please don't confuse a harmless sexual innuendo with being harassed. Sexual Innuendo's are part of everyday life, you here them on the radio, on the TV,at work and in all walks of life. I'm not saying they're right or condoning said behaviour, but please don't be fooled into thinking you're being sexually harassed when you're not. Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I agree that sexual innuendo is part of our culture. It's on TV, in books, etc. However, it crosses the line into sexual harrassment if it BOTHERS someone whom it is directed to. My boyfriend can throw any sexual innuendo at me he wants to...heck, i demand that he does I love banter like that. BUT, If a stranger or a "friend" does it and it becomes uninvited and unwanted, and they know I don't like it, then it is sexual harrassment. Subtle as it can be, sexual harrassment is a power play and is not harmless. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 BUT, If a stranger or a "friend" does it and it becomes uninvited and unwanted, and they know I don't like it, then it is sexual harrassment. no, the definition of sexual harassment from a woman's perspective is sexual innuendo from an unwanted male. if the male is good looking and charming then its not considered harassment. Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Curious ........ how would many feel if the shoe were on the other foot and it was a woman saying this to a man?? Or for that matter YOUR MAN!! "the screw thing" in particular. I think it would be a big meow cat fight in many cases instead of blowing it off like the H did. :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
nicki Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 Yeah, Alpha, if it was a good looking guy, then any innuendo would be welcome. I think i would call that verbal foreplay! I don't usually consider innuendo harrassment unless I've made it clear that it's unwelcome -- and the person keeps doing it. And so many guys do that, like they can't believe I don't want them. Link to post Share on other sites
crazy_grl Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 BUT, If a stranger or a "friend" does it and it becomes uninvited and unwanted, and they know I don't like it, then it is sexual harrassment. That's why this isn't sexual harassment. Unless she's left that part out, mopar hasn't told the guy that she doesn't appreciate it. Mopar, you said you've talked to your brother about him, but that doesn't mean the comments were relayed to this guy. If you haven't told him or requested specifically that your brother or husband speak to him, then you should. As for why your husband didn't get upset, I can picture a situation like that where a husband would get upset and put the guy in his place and one where he wouldn't. Mostly, it depends on the guy's tone of voice and body language. Then again, I've heard people say that "Wanna screw?" thing quite a bit, so it doesn't seem at all offensive to me unless it's said in a sleazy way. Maybe you view it worse than your husband did because you've heard these other things that guy has said to you which are more vulgar, and your husband hasn't. If you hadn't mentioned that other stuff, I'd think you were being pretty silly about the screw thing. Have you told your husband how much this bothers you? Link to post Share on other sites
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