How can I stop the jealousy?!

[precious99]

My BF and I have been together for seven months now and as I have mentioned in earlier posts I have never been the jealous or insecure type in relationships prior to this. However, for some reason I am "off the wall" jealous and totally insecure in this relationship. I have tried to figure out the reasonings behind it (hoping that if I know what is causing it I will be able to fix it) and have come up with the following;

 

- he is younger than I am (he's 25 and I'm 30)

- an ex from his past still has feelings for him and has made my dealings with his friends difficult and uncomfortable

- he is considered "hot" and I would rate myself a 61/2 on the looks scale

- he is not much of a talker (he has a very difficult time expressing his feelings and emotions)

 

I don't know if any (or all) of these could be contributing factors but I need the insanity to stop!! He is a great guy - and he has never given me a reason to mistrust him. I am afraid to talk to him about it for fear that it will scare him off and make me seem weak and pathetic. I love him and I know that he loves me - in fact just last night he told me that I am the one and that this relationship is "it" for him. I don't want to ruin this but I am going out of my mind!! Someone please help!! How did you work through the jealousy and insecurities?

[Computer]

Hi,

 

Honestly, I think you're making a HUGE deal of nothing here. It seems that he's happy and content with you. Your age should not make you insecure; a lot of guys are more attracted to older woman and vice-versa.

 

Precious99: - an ex from his past still has feelings for him and has made my dealings with his friends difficult and uncomfortable

What is this supposed to mean? An ex is an ex. He know this girl inside and out (all of the good and bad), yet he opted out of the relationship and is now with you. What more can you ask? Getting onto the subject about ex's is a whole different subject I can speak volumes on.

 

Precious99: - he is considered "hot" and I would rate myself a 61/2 on the looks scale

Good looks are subjective. Tell me how many times you've seen a very attractive male/female with someone who didn't seem to be much of a big deal in the looks department? Now you might consider your self to be a 6½, but he may think of you to be no less than a 10! There's no way of telling what someone finds attractive - not in any way. You could have just as easily fell HARD for SHAQ, yet wonder why your friends don't think you have any taste at all.

 

Precious99: - he is not much of a talker (he has a very difficult time expressing his feelings and emotions)

Me either! In fact, I can express my feelings ALOT better via email & IM. I guess that's one way to look at it, but every man you meet wont be much of a talker; it's nothing more than a personality trait. But ff you just can't get over this, try making him feel VERY comfortable around you and see what happens.

 

Precious99: He is a great guy - and he has never given me a reason to mistrust him. I am afraid to talk to him about it for fear that it will scare him off and make me seem weak and pathetic. I love him and I know that he loves me - in fact just last night he told me that I am the one and that this relationship is "it" for him. I don't want to ruin this but I am going out of my mind!!

You just don't know how many people here would love to be in your shoes, Precious. Most people complain and worry because they don't get the love and attention they think they deserve from their mates. There's no need to contemplate, and yet contain your worries. You can't ruin a great relationship by talking to him about these things. Just don't come off as a "needy" and "clingy" mate by bothering him about it everyday. Tell him how you feel. I can guarantee you nothing less than his "genuine reassurance." He told you that you're the one for him. What more can you ask?

 

__________________________

There are 3 types of people in this world: those who can count, and those who can't... ~Anonymous

[email protected]

[john2776]

I think the four points you have raised do contribute in your case. But maybe its also because you really love this guy, and the other boyfriends were not as special. I say this because I noticed it in my relationships that when I'm totally into my girlfriends, they are always less vocal about their emotions and I tend to be more jealeous, and when I'm not in love with a girlfriend - just taking it slow, the girls are ALWAYS much more affectionate and vocal, and I never get even slightly jealous of anything. Which totally sucks for me! So maybe you get more jealous because you are worried about losing this great bf you have now?? :-)