Bothered333 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I have always felt strongly against cheating. I had never cheated, but have been cheated on. I had been dating this guy for almost 2 years, we loved eachother, but became somewhat distant becuase of working so much, and our sex life dwindled and we were comfortable. I met someone else and for about a month the other guy and I started talking on the phone and went on a few dates. Then this new guy kissed me. I broke up with my bf of 2 years, but it wasn't a clear decision. I dated this new guy for about a month and we were intimate. I came to realize that the only one I want to be with was my bf. Any suggestions on what to do? Do I tell my bf (or ex) that I was with someone else while we were broken up, and that I cheated on him by kissing? I have been talking to my ex and it seems like we may get back together, but he is unaware of what I have done and why I broke up with him. I feel terrible guilt, but want this to work out so badly, it is all a blur to me as how this all even took place and I cant even say why I did it. Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 Oh this is an easy one! Simply talk to your ex about everything that happened, giving him the choice to accept you back or not. If he loves you, there is a good chance he will appreciate the honesty and get over the past. If you don't tell him, then the foundation to your relationship is based on lies, which will probably lead to more problems in the future. "Why do we do this?" Well, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 Oh this is an easy one! Simply talk to your ex about everything that happened, giving him the choice to accept you back or not. If he loves you, there is a good chance he will appreciate the honesty and get over the past. If you don't tell him, then the foundation to your relationship is based on lies, which will probably lead to more problems in the future. "Why do we do this?" Well, there is no such thing as a perfect person. Well,...it sounds to me like the only thing you have cared about up to,..and including now,...is yourself. Not even once, did you reflect on how this is weighing on your ex. "I want you,....no,...wait.....now i want you, too.........but NOW,....I dont want you anymore, just him.......ok,...on second though, I want it the way I had it in the beginning......me, me, me, me, me...." Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 This is one approach: Enable that magical power of denial. Pretend it didn't happen. And go on with your relationship. How terrible is wisdom when it brings no profit to the wise? People like to step out of their own evil and talk about everyone else's. You f***ed up. No doubt about it. Did you learn? Did you grow from the experience? Will you do it again? Then chalk it up to bad judgment and move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you expect your boyfriend to be honest with you before you got back together again? You disrespected him in the past and if you do not tell him what went on they you are continuing to disrespect him. Either you have honesty and respect in your relationship or dishonesty and disrespect. The choice is yours and it will define you as a person. I wish you luck. Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Lets not talk about the way things should be, lets deal with the way things are. In a perfect, ideal world I would agree with the principle arguments. But, this person had a moment of weakness and it's not worth ruining the relationship for that moment of stupidity. Link to post Share on other sites
Curmudgeon Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 I think that should be the former boyfriend's choice, not just hers. Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Yeah, but she ain't gonna give him that choice because she is emotionally weak and avoids confrontation. So, in working with her personality, use the power of denial. Link to post Share on other sites
Bothered333 Posted July 9, 2006 Share Posted July 9, 2006 Well,...it sounds to me like the only thing you have cared about up to,..and including now,...is yourself. Not even once, did you reflect on how this is weighing on your ex. "I want you,....no,...wait.....now i want you, too.........but NOW,....I dont want you anymore, just him.......ok,...on second though, I want it the way I had it in the beginning......me, me, me, me, me...." Yes...I did have a selfish few weeks, and was not thinking right. I did actually think of how my ex would feel, I am human. Trust me, throughout this whole thing I know I hurt a few people, even myself, and didn't enjoy it. I did f up big time, and learned from it. This experience helped me realize what I really do want. I definitely am not perfect or even close, but at least I can learn a great deal from this, and will open up the lines of communicaiton with my ex. I am still unsure whether this will be discussed with him, I am meeting him tomorrow and I will see how the conversation goes. I have asked many friends for advice: half say no don't tell him as I saw this other guy while we were broken up, and the other half say tell him you were seeing someone while broken up. Scarlyjones, you can't tell me that you are the most giving person, and have never been selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 Yes...I did have a selfish few weeks, and was not thinking right. I did actually think of how my ex would feel, I am human. Trust me, throughout this whole thing I know I hurt a few people, even myself, and didn't enjoy it. I did f up big time, and learned from it. This experience helped me realize what I really do want. I definitely am not perfect or even close, but at least I can learn a great deal from this, and will open up the lines of communicaiton with my ex. I am still unsure whether this will be discussed with him, I am meeting him tomorrow and I will see how the conversation goes. I have asked many friends for advice: half say no don't tell him as I saw this other guy while we were broken up, and the other half say tell him you were seeing someone while broken up. Scarlyjones, you can't tell me that you are the most giving person, and have never been selfish. I have done selfish things. I would watch the end of a TV show when I would supposed to be picking someone up and show up 10 minutes late. Id eat the last donut or cookie. I have kept the over-paid change the clerk accidentally gave me once,..but, I have never cheated on my men. Ever. I dont hurt others knowingly to get what I want. I am a VERY giving person, by the way. I do for others. I do for myself, too, but, not leaving a path of sorrow in my wake. Link to post Share on other sites
purspeed Posted July 12, 2006 Share Posted July 12, 2006 Read my post above, she ain't saying nothing to no one. 333...Don't worry about these judgmental fools on the boards. They talk the talk but don't walk the walk. Link to post Share on other sites
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