Guest Posted July 7, 2006 Share Posted July 7, 2006 I have been married for two years, together for seven. After the first year of marriage, the passion began to fade. We got comfortable being together, and without knowing it we stopped doing romantic things for each other. My SO was hurt and frustrated when I didn't want to have sex, but we never talked about the problem. Now it might be too late. By the time my SO told me how unhappy he was with the situation, he had lost all desire for me. He still loves me, but I don't think he is "in love" with me anymore. My SO is staying with me, because he wants to see if his feelings for me come back. At the same time, however, he tells me he needs space. I don't know how we can rekindle those feelings if we don't actively work on them, but he thinks they should just naturally reappear. Can you fall back in love with someone? Link to post Share on other sites
sugarplum Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I believe you can. You can be incredibly bored and think you are not in love anymore, and then with the right combination of actions, it can all come back. I believe it has happened to me once (or twice). Do something to make things exciting again, things you did in the beginning when you were first falling in love. Link to post Share on other sites
Whatsyourpleasure Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I agree with sugarplum. My husband and I sort of went thru the same thing. But I started working really hard to be positive and do the little things to show him that I love him. Not pushy. My husband never wanted space...but we are closer now more than ever. Becuase we make the effort not to be that way again. Link to post Share on other sites
hy-c Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I agree with sugarplum. My husband and I sort of went thru the same thing. But I started working really hard to be positive and do the little things to show him that I love him. Not pushy. My husband never wanted space...but we are closer now more than ever. Becuase we make the effort not to be that way again. I am a newly wed, but curious. I do things to show my husband I love him, but they are becoming expected, and he doesn't return the kindness. I am also a very romantic person. I surprise him with little notes at the door, so on and so forth etc. once a month or so...not too often. Massaging his back has become a nightly chore, and so has making dinner. He used to cook all the time, but it has since become my job, or he won't eat. Which makes me feel bad, b/c he normally only eats once a day anyways... dinner. I don't know how to talk to him about it. Our sex life is dwindling, but I am not sure if that's b/c we are expecting a baby July 28. Concerned please help... Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 It's perfectly normal for all long term relationships to go through ebbs and flows. Commitment isn't as much about the highs of feelings as it is about loving, which is an act of will, not a feeling. Feelings come and go. Commitment remains. That said, sugarplum's right. Take an emotional needs inventory on marriagebuilders .com with each of you doing one separately and then comparing results. In order for love to stay good, you have to be meeting each other's emotional needs. And when he's not meeting yours, slacking off on dinner, romance, sex, whatever, TELL HIM nicely, of course--that you miss those things, and that when you get your emotional needs met, you're more likely to meet his gladly (instead of feeling like doing so is a "chore" which, to be honest, is true at times ). Passion comes and goes, but love remains despite feelings. Check out the marriagebuilders website. It's fantastic. Work through the stuff there together. Link to post Share on other sites
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