Just Believe Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 When i was eight years old, my babysitters brother who was about 16 at the time, raped me. Not only once, but every time he would come over. I have 6 older brothers. But the regular babysitter would take them outside so her brother could have his way with me. How could she go along with it? He took all his anger out on me and at the time i was defensless. I was also too scared to tell my parents. My father was a very angry person and i was also afraid of him. I used to think it was my fault, so i didnt tell my mother because i was afraid she wouldnt accept me anymore. I just kept it all to myself and made excuses for the bruises always wondering why they believed me. They werent good excuses. We finally moved and had new babysitters who actually took care of us. I still never said anything. I was always a really quiet kid. When i was 14 I was babysitting untill about midnight down the street from my house. When te parents got home i walked home. ( it was only 10 houses from mine.) It was dark and a man grabbed me from behind dragging me into the woods. I tied to fight back but he was a lot bigger than me. When we were deep enough into the woods he threw me to the ground hitting my head on a tree and climbed on top of me. i tried to fight but everytime id fight harder hed hit or kick harder. I felt him first go into me but as i pulled away he hit me knocking me unconscious. Which i guess was good that i wasent awake for the rest of that part. I woke up 3 hours later alone in the woods and felt like i was going to die. I managed to call home and within 10 minutes my brother and the police found me in the woods. This time i couldnt hide what had happened. He was never found. My first rape was 11 years ago, and my second only 5 years ago. All though i constanly have nightmares of them. I know for sure that these two encoutners were definently rapes. But during the second rape i was dating a guy who abused me and the only reason i would sleep with him was because i was afraid of him. I was wondering if that is considered rape? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 Hi there! It sounds like you had a really hard life growing up! I don't have any experiences of this sort. I just want to let you know that it's not your fault that you were treated so poorly by men. I hope that you are seeing a therapist who can help you build up your self-esteem and self-identity. At the very least, talk to someone about this boyfriend of yours. You need to learn to stand up for yourself, and the best way to learn this is by not being afraid of WHO YOU ARE. KnowHowLoveFeels. (Sorry, I'm too lazy to log in.) Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 8, 2006 Share Posted July 8, 2006 I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You deserved to be protected and loved by men, not used. I, too, hope you're getting therapy. If you're in school, you should have free counselling available at a university. You just don't get over something like this. And it's going to affect your intimate relationships, too. Whether the bf's sex was rape or not is a good question. Honestly, you probably weren't of a sound mind when it came to sex at that time and you were only 14, which is why there are laws about statutory rape. If you were intimidated into sex, it wasn't loving, but was it rape? Who knows? It wasn't good. And it sounds to you like you felt like you didn't have a choice. It's good that you're trying to deal with it all now instead of trying to just forget about it because your pysche won't let you. It wants you to heal and will force you to keep dealing with it one way or another. Might as well face the fear of therapy and having to deal with it finally with the help of someone who can help. Again, I lament your loss. May you come to know shalom and the love of a good man because there really are some. Link to post Share on other sites
MsPiggy Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 WOW, you are one tough cookie i must say. I too had a very rough childhood and I am 24 now and I must say I'm not completely over it. I try to put it behind me but since i was 18 it has been something that hasn't let me be me. Hard to explain. I haven't gone to any counselling or ever told my mother. Have you told your mother? My story is just a little long, and I still have a hard time coming to terms with what happened. It's ruining me. I think I would've fell apart a long time ago if I were in your situation. I've been with my boyfriend for 11yrs now and still have the toughest time expressing myself and opening up because I feel I will get hurt. I would love to hear with how you cope. Link to post Share on other sites
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