monogamy

[loser]

I don't even know if I spelled that correctly. I was just wondering what everyone thought about monogamy. If people were meant to stay with the same person for life why do so many, actually the majority, fall short of this mark? Last I heard 60% of marriages end in divorce. What the dillio?

 

Just wondering,

 

Regards,

 

David

[Tony T]

People weren't meant to do anything. In the evolutionary process, men inseminated many women and did not conduct intimate relationships. Eventually, things got out of hand because supporting offspring become a more expensive and serious proposition.

 

Communes were formed in order to offer group care for the benefit and welfare of offspring and for the protection of the group. As man's brain developed and became more complex, he gained the emotion of jealousy and territoriality, especially when it came to his females. Females developed allegiances to the specific father(s) of their children.

 

Later on during the evolutionary process, spirituality emerged as man's brain further developed and began questioning moral conduct and sought more order to his existence. Religions were formed and took positions on the bond of man and woman. Remember, Adam and Eve, as the biblical account goes, were not married but for some odd reason decided sex was great because Adam ate from a fruit tree...I have never quite understood what that was all about.

 

To move on to more modern times very quickly, financial and legal issues became more complex and laws were made to govern families, marriage, etc., yet even today many, many children are born out of wedlock. There is a strong trend toward single parent families and couples just living together without getting married.

 

Many cities today have what are called "blue laws" (that is, laws that are no longer enforced) that forbid sexual intercourse between persons who are not married. The charge was usually "occupying a room for immoral purposes" and up to the late 1960's, lawmen on the vice squad used to check hotel registries and actually make arrests.

 

So, you ask, why so many divorces? Well, as you can see, the marriage thing was just part of the process in the development of an orderly society. Social evolution and laws have given women, who once were stuck (socially trapped) at home with the kids, new freedom of movement, employment, etc. Many women, who would have been miserable in a marriage with some scumbag the finally got to know, are now free financially, socially and otherwise to move on and find happiness elsewhere.

 

Modern laws have made divorce quite easy. One day you may be able to get one with vending machines at the mall the way technology is going. Our world is traveling fast.

 

Remember, marriage does not take place on paper, in a church, in front of a justice of the peace, rabbi, etc. Marriage is a bond formed in the hearts of two people who connect to each other in a way that is beyond understanding. When that happens, there is never a divorce.

 

People get divorced for a multitude of reasons. Marriage is complicated but easy divorce laws make it speedy to move on down the road rather than work things out.

 

Because laws and society make leaving so easy, those who have not bonded in a spiritual sense or on a soul level or those who were not raised with a sense of committment or keeping their word find it very easy to leave. Many of them have excellent grounds to leave and certainly should. Others take off because they find someone more exciting.

 

Aside from marriage, many people today do not keep their word in other matters. They lie to break dates, they don't show up for appointments, they skip on leases, they break all kinds of written contracts. Our courts and bombarded with lawsuits because many people have not kept their word.

 

Could it be that we may be returning to the past? Perhaps.

 

The other problem is that people are living much longer than they used to. When people died at 35 or 40, that would have been about the time many eyes started wandering. Today, there is so much freedom, so many tight dresses, so many temptations, internet dating services, it's a wonder anybody stays married at all. There are so many men and women who have absolutely no respect for the marital or dating status of another, they proceed to seduce them irregardless.

 

You spelled monogamy correctly. Are people meant to stay with the same person for life? Well, I don't think people are meant to do anything. Humanoids have sort of been winging it for 40 million years and I think they'll continue to do so. No one individual has the power to keep another around for a lifetime. We just don't control that. But it certainly sounds nice and it certainly is great (I think) when two people are able to happily pull it off.

 

I hope this has helped you, at least a tiny bit, understand divorce.

[boo boo]

That was a very interesting, big picture opinion. well done!!

 

And just for the record I think you hit the nail on the head when you say' we have no rights over anyone and we are not surposed to do anything in particular with each other. Contrary to what we are brought up to believe and stand for, we are just making it up as we go along! The rules are there are no rules, but for the sake of keeping some peace and order in this mad world Im glad for the institution of marriage. I respect it whole-heartedly and if everyone did, the world would be a fantasticly harmonous happy world.

 

People weren't meant to do anything. In the evolutionary process, men inseminated many women and did not conduct intimate relationships. Eventually, things got out of hand because supporting offspring become a more expensive and serious proposition.

 

Communes were formed in order to offer group care for the benefit and welfare of offspring and for the protection of the group. As man's brain developed and became more complex, he gained the emotion of jealousy and territoriality, especially when it came to his females. Females developed allegiances to the specific father(s) of their children. Later on during the evolutionary process, spirituality emerged as man's brain further developed and began questioning moral conduct and sought more order to his existence. Religions were formed and took positions on the bond of man and woman. Remember, Adam and Eve, as the biblical account goes, were not married but for some odd reason decided sex was great because Adam ate from a fruit tree...I have never quite understood what that was all about. To move on to more modern times very quickly, financial and legal issues became more complex and laws were made to govern families, marriage, etc., yet even today many, many children are born out of wedlock. There is a strong trend toward single parent families and couples just living together without getting married. Many cities today have what are called "blue laws" (that is, laws that are no longer enforced) that forbid sexual intercourse between persons who are not married. The charge was usually "occupying a room for immoral purposes" and up to the late 1960's, lawmen on the vice squad used to check hotel registries and actually make arrests.

 

So, you ask, why so many divorces? Well, as you can see, the marriage thing was just part of the process in the development of an orderly society. Social evolution and laws have given women, who once were stuck (socially trapped) at home with the kids, new freedom of movement, employment, etc. Many women, who would have been miserable in a marriage with some scumbag the finally got to know, are now free financially, socially and otherwise to move on and find happiness elsewhere. Modern laws have made divorce quite easy. One day you may be able to get one with vending machines at the mall the way technology is going. Our world is traveling fast. Remember, marriage does not take place on paper, in a church, in front of a justice of the peace, rabbi, etc. Marriage is a bond formed in the hearts of two people who connect to each other in a way that is beyond understanding. When that happens, there is never a divorce. People get divorced for a multitude of reasons. Marriage is complicated but easy divorce laws make it speedy to move on down the road rather than work things out. Because laws and society make leaving so easy, those who have not bonded in a spiritual sense or on a soul level or those who were not raised with a sense of committment or keeping their word find it very easy to leave. Many of them have excellent grounds to leave and certainly should. Others take off because they find someone more exciting. Aside from marriage, many people today do not keep their word in other matters. They lie to break dates, they don't show up for appointments, they skip on leases, they break all kinds of written contracts. Our courts and bombarded with lawsuits because many people have not kept their word.

 

Could it be that we may be returning to the past? Perhaps. The other problem is that people are living much longer than they used to. When people died at 35 or 40, that would have been about the time many eyes started wandering. Today, there is so much freedom, so many tight dresses, so many temptations, internet dating services, it's a wonder anybody stays married at all. There are so many men and women who have absolutely no respect for the marital or dating status of another, they proceed to seduce them irregardless. You spelled monogamy correctly. Are people meant to stay with the same person for life? Well, I don't think people are meant to do anything. Humanoids have sort of been winging it for 40 million years and I think they'll continue to do so. No one individual has the power to keep another around for a lifetime. We just don't control that. But it certainly sounds nice and it certainly is great (I think) when two people are able to happily pull it off. I hope this has helped you, at least a tiny bit, understand divorce.

[Carrie]

Tony,

 

That was very well researched and incredibly informative. If I ever have a term paper to write, I'm coming to you. You're like an encyclopedia.

 

I also have to say that I too think you've hit the nail right on the head.

[Ed]

You did spell it correctly.

 

The archaic definition of monogamy is: the practice of marrying only once during a lifetime.

 

The modern definition of monogamy is: 1) the state or custom of being married to one person at a time; 2) the condition or practice of having a single mate during a period of time.

 

I believe the archaic definition is labeled archaic for good reason. It is an ideal that does work out for many people. But as you said, for many more it does not. Many people no longer see the need in upholding this ideal for the sake of the past.

 

Most people feel satisfied and fulfilled with the more modern definition of being married to only one person at a time or having only one mate and/or sex partner at a time. This definition is firmly upheld by several major religions and numerous governments the world over.

 

All of us at one time or another have longed for simplicity, certainty and security to prevail in our endeavor to maintain long-term relationships. The days of simply staying with a spouse or partner just for the sake of staying together are gone forever and thankfully so. No one wants to stay in an abusive or unfulfilled relationship just to uphold an ideal and no one wants to remain single just because a previous relationship did not last until they died.

 

There is nothing wrong with wanting a relationship to last a lifetime. I hope most people enter into long-term relationships with this in mind, especially a marriage. Sadly, some people do give up too soon and others just don't care enough to maintain a good, lasting relationship. All anyone can do is try their best to make it work and if it doesn't, for whatever reason, learn from it and try to do better next time...if there is a next time.

[loser]

I too think you were dead on my man. Thanks for the effort. I agree with you wholeheartedly, but in being so aware, doesn't that jeopardize the very concept of love? I dunno....

 

Thanks

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "in being so aware, doesn't that jeopardize the very concept of love?"

 

Not at all. We evolved to our awareness of it. What is scarry is the possibility we could evolve away from it, some members of future generations anyway. There are those right this minute who have evolved away from it.

 

The only thing that may truly jeopardize the very concept of love is a meteor that could fall into the earth's atmosphere and destroy civilization as we know it.

 

But, then again, love will find a way then, too, I'm sure.