Look what I got

[Suspect]

Here's the deal:

 

My girl went out the other night w/ a friend of hers that lives in a town about 1/2 hr away. They went out drinking for the night, had a good time, maybe one too many beers, but hey who doesn't sometimes? I call her house the next day around noon, her sister says " I haven't seen her, she didn't come home last night". Then my girl calls around 1:00 and says she just got in, she stayed at her friends place. So all is good until I email her friend, b/c she is a mutual friend, so my girl and I talk to her. No reply back at all. I tell my girl that I emailed our friend and there was no response. Then all of a sudden I recieved an email that was addressed to our friend from my girl, and it says " He emailed you, I told him I stayed at your house after". Well I lose it and call her and asked her where she stayed, she claims that she stayed at her friends, and I say you are lieing to me. I tell her just to tell me the truth right now, it will be alot easier. She finally does, she came home after going out w/ her friend, and she didn't want to tell me b/c she wanted me to think that she had a great time when she went out b/c I was out w/ my friends havin a good time. Can anyone tell me what this is about? I know she came home after b/c her father told me that he had to pick her up at the train. Why did she lie, should I trust her, b/c if she can lie about that, it could lead to worse. What should I do?

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "Can anyone tell me what this is about?"

 

There seems to be a span of some 12 hours or so that she has not accounted for.

 

I think her reason for lying to you is pretty lame. If she wanted to lie, she could have told you she had a great time...that's all.

 

Many things could have happened. She got drunk and did whatever, who knows? At any rate, you have to think about whether or not you want a gal who let's the alcohol get the best of her and does things that are extremely questionable.

 

There will always be the question in your mind about whether or not she met another guy. Maybe and maybe not? She could have found other drinking buddies.

 

I don't like women who go out and get smashed and lie through their butt. Actually, I don't like women who go out and get smashed. I never offer a lady more than one drink...maybe two. I don't date women who like more than two drinks and I don't date women who can get drunk on that many. I guess you could call me a jerk that way but courting is serious business and I just don't want to be married to someone who liked to get plowed once or twice a week.

 

Have a talk with her and let her know this is not acceptable behavior and, if it happens again, you'll take more decisive action.

 

I personally don't give second chances. I've given them so many times in the past and got it up the butt I move on when I see a behavior that's a hint of the future.

 

I personally would like to know where she stayed after she left her friends that night, just out of curiosity. If she lets you know, please let us know.

 

Good luck with your lady.

[Carrie]

I think it's simple - if she did infact go home that night and you are a 100% certain.

 

She's trying to look more attractive to you. It's not meant to be malicious, it's just supposed to make her look like she's able to have fun w/o you, when infact she may not have as much fun w/o you. She wants you to think she stayed out so late because she lost track of time partying, when she really came home early, cause she probably missed you and was not interested in meeting any other guys. If you knew the truth, she's afraid it might turn you off. You're always going out and having a great time with your friends and you don't come home early for her. This bothers her, because she wants to feel the same way but doesn't. Then in her head, she thinks that eventually if you know she doesn't have as much fun w/o you, you'll think she's boring and you'll leave her for a girl who's more exciting and not as emotionally attached. Even though she may have lied, it doesn't mean that she's going to be a liar in the future. It's all her insecurities. This lie was more of a defensive game play on her part, as an attempt to protect herself. I've been guilty of doing this myself with boyfriends.

 

Sometimes we women can be so complicated.

[midori]

Sounds a bit silly on her part. Doesn't really sound to me like you have an issue of trust per se, but rather an insecure girlfriend who feels she needs to play manipulative little games to get you to respond in the way she'd like you to. Sounds like she was resentful about you going out w/ your friends and to "get back" at you she made up a nice evening out for herself, to let you know that she wasn't just sitting around while you were out having a good time. Whether rightly or not, it sounds like she feels taken for granted. It seems to me like you want to a) assess whether or not you might be taking her for granted and b) talk to her about being direct with you rather than making up elaborate scenarios in order to express her displeasure.

[BeenThere]

I agree with Midori on this one. I think your girlfriend was just trying to get even. She figured if you were going out with friends for the night, than so was she. She was probably just trying to teach you a lesson...but it backfired, as headgames often do.

 

I'm not saying that a couple shouldn't be allowed alone time with friends, but it depends on the situation and circumstances. If the two of you are going to go out "partying" separately from one another, than you had better learn to do it without getting jealous or suspicious of the other one's intentions. This will require an incrediable amount of confidence and trust, which few people have in the early stages of a relationship. You must also be prepared for the very real possibility that she (or you) may meet someone else while the two of you are apart simply because they are available and you are not. And situations involving alcohol will only serve to cloud one's judgement.

 

OR...you could simply avoid the whole ugly ordeal by parting *together*. How novice! Afterall, if you can't have a good time with your friends as a couple, than why are you even dating at all?

 

Maybe both of you need some time to grow up...

Here's the deal: My girl went out the other night w/ a friend of hers that lives in a town about 1/2 hr away. They went out drinking for the night, had a good time, maybe one too many beers, but hey who doesn't sometimes? I call her house the next day around noon, her sister says " I haven't seen her, she didn't come home last night". Then my girl calls around 1:00 and says she just got in, she stayed at her friends place. So all is good until I email her friend, b/c she is a mutual friend, so my girl and I talk to her. No reply back at all. I tell my girl that I emailed our friend and there was no response. Then all of a sudden I recieved an email that was addressed to our friend from my girl, and it says " He emailed you, I told him I stayed at your house after". Well I lose it and call her and asked her where she stayed, she claims that she stayed at her friends, and I say you are lieing to me. I tell her just to tell me the truth right now, it will be alot easier. She finally does, she came home after going out w/ her friend, and she didn't want to tell me b/c she wanted me to think that she had a great time when she went out b/c I was out w/ my friends havin a good time. Can anyone tell me what this is about? I know she came home after b/c her father told me that he had to pick her up at the train. Why did she lie, should I trust her, b/c if she can lie about that, it could lead to worse. What should I do?

[Tony T]

If that is indeed why she pulled this stunt, to "show" her guy, she's pretty sick and/or immature. If the communication in the relationship is so sorry that something like this can't be talked out rather than having to pull such juvenile antics, we are talking about a relationship that's going south fast.