Is he or isn't he...?

[Guest]

I can't decide if my guy friend is attracted to me or not. We haven't known each other long but we became tight pretty quickly, we chat alot online and we hang out alot with friends. Sometimes when I with him, I get the "vibe" that he likes me but he has never asked me out on a date. If we go out alone it's usually just cause we decided to grab a pizza or something.

 

He always starts chatting to me first if I come online and he asks me along when he goes out with his friends. But if he likes me, shouldn't he be asking me on a real date? Maybe I should stop hanging out so much with him in a group. I feel like I'm a bit too available, he never calls me and we don't text alot, he knows what time I'll be online so he just waits to talk to me there.

 

I don't think he's ready for a relationship yet cause he liked another of his friends but she didn't like him. He also avoids emotional issues when I bring them up. Do you think he's just taking it slow or is he really not into me?

[Rossco]

I think he is, but he might be taking it slow especially if he doesn't want to get hurt. Do you ever talk on the phone with him? If you can give him a reason to call you (or you to call him) it would be so much more personal then chatting on-line. It might be too soon to stay away from the "group hangouts" only because he might start to think you're not interested.

*A good tip....when talking to him, look at him directly in his eyes and see if he does the same...the longer the better! That will help tell if he like you.

[Guest]

I think he is, but he might be taking it slow especially if he doesn't want to get hurt. Do you ever talk on the phone with him? If you can give him a reason to call you (or you to call him) it would be so much more personal then chatting on-line. It might be too soon to stay away from the "group hangouts" only because he might start to think you're not interested.

*A good tip....when talking to him, look at him directly in his eyes and see if he does the same...the longer the better! That will help tell if he like you.

 

If I look into his eyes, he always gazes back for a long time until I have to look away incase I start blushing.

 

I just don't understand why he won't ask me out! I know he's free. Unless the only reason he asks me to hang out in a group is to make the other girl jealous.

 

Would guys do something like that? How do I tell if he still likes her or he's ready to move on.

[beansaregood]

i am exactly like that guy, if you let him know you like him it will only be a matter of time. if he didnt like you he wouldnt include you this much

[stoopid_guy]

Strangely enough, for some guys the more they care for you the harder it is for them to ask you out. He may not want to make you uncomfortable or risk your friendship. He may think you're "out of his league."

 

Drop hints if you're interested, casual touches, standing close, trust him with a secret...

[Guest]

beansaregood: I thought so too! But he didn't progress beyond that....what would a guy usually do next if they realyl were interested?

 

Drop hints if you're interested, casual touches, standing close, trust him with a secret...

 

Done all that already. We've shared alot of personal stuff. When we're out we usually sit close to each other. Like I said, I get the "vibe" fromh im alot. But sometimes when our arms are brushing each other, he will suddenly pull away. What does that mean??

 

Yesterday we were chatting and it went like this.

 

Me: "I feel like getting a drink".

Him: "You doing anything now?"

Me: "No" (thinking he's going to ask me out)

Him: "What's stopping you?".

Me: ??!!!

 

If that wasn't a big hint to ask me out, I don't know what is! If he doesn't fancy me, I'm thinking about cutting my losses and moving on. I don't want all his friends to think I'm just the girl who always hangs out with them but doesn't know she's being strung along.

[beansaregood]

well then hes scared because he doesnt want to lose you as a friend or that he may not like you. but if you telll him how you feel it should help

[Guest]

I don't think I will tell him. I'm gonna move on because I don't wanna waste my time. I've stayed offline for a few days and he finally texted me with a vague suggestion to go out but I think I replied too fast cause I didn't hear anything from him after that.

 

I don't know how to keep him interested so why keep playing.

[stoopid_guy]

I don't think I will tell him. I'm gonna move on because I don't wanna waste my time. I've stayed offline for a few days and he finally texted me with a vague suggestion to go out but I think I replied too fast cause I didn't hear anything from him after that.

 

I don't know how to keep him interested so why keep playing.

And it's very possible that he'll try harder if you do that.

[Rossco]

Please let me know what happens....!

[Guest]

Well NC isn't working out very well....a few days ago he texted me and asked me to join him and his friends at a party. At first I said no but later on my friends decided to go so I went and I met him there as well. We hung out and again it seemed like he was really into me. Then his friends decided to leave so he left with them, and I stayed on with my friends. As he was leaving he waited to see if I was coming with him but I was talking to someone else so he came over to say bye and then he left.

 

The next day he asked me to join him at another party but I said no again. Since then I've spoken to him once online...he messaged me first but also logged off first.

 

AAH! I don't know what's going on in his head. When we're together he seems so into me, but he never asks me out on a date! Sometimes I think there's something there but at other times he only treats me like a real good female friend. He has alot of close girl friends whom he also hangs out with, hugs and sometimes kisses on the cheek, but he's known all of them for a long time and they're all in his circle of friends.

 

So that's the update Back to square one. I'm thinking I should work on NC more, but we have lots of friends in common so he definitely knows he'll see me sooner or later even if he doesn't ask me out. Should I try to get closer to him and hope that something happens or shoud I make it clear I'm moving on?

[Rossco]

I wish I knew. Just keep hanging out w/ him....he'll come around.

[Max Overclock]

Should I try to get closer to him and hope that something happens or shoud I make it clear I'm moving on?

 

You should make your positive feelings toward him clear as crystal. See, the thing is, we guys are sometimes stunned when it comes to this stuff. Plus, some of us are quite shy.

 

To be honest, IMHO, this no contact thing, and the turning him down to go places together must have dude completely confused and flustered.

 

Then,

 

When you mentioned this little exchanged...

 

Me: "I feel like getting a drink".

Him: "You doing anything now?"

Me: "No" (thinking he's going to ask me out)

Him: "What's stopping you?".

Me: ??!!!

 

I dunno ... he may be being coy himself, or he may just be shy or clueless.

 

Put it on the line. Cripes, ask HIM to do something together if needs be. You're a liberated young woman right? Well, put it out there.

 

Heck ... if he says no, then you know where he stands. If he says yes, then bonus. You'll both end up really glad you did ask.

 

Again, sometimes strong silent types may just need an "anvil to the head" type of wakeup call to realize a girl likes them in more than just a passing fashion.

 

I dare ya ... step up to the plate. What's to lose?

 

Max

[bella_girl]

Why can't you ask him out? It's the age of equality and all that.

 

I think you're confusing HIM with all this talking/not talking/accepting invites to parties/refusing them etc.

 

You never know he's probably one of the guys on this site posting about how he doesn't know if this girl likes him and thinks he should ask her but is nervous and then she stopped chatting online to him and when he asked her to a party she said no, but she changed her mind and then said yes. Then at the party he wanted to talk to her but she was surrounded by people and he couldn't work out a way to get her alone to ask her out etc etc etc... what should he do...

 

Look at it from his perspective... he's asked you to a few parties, you've turned him down more than once so he might be feeling a little camera shy about asking on a date alone in case you turn him down again.

 

Here's how to ask a guy out...

 

You 'so hey are you doing anything later?'

if he's not busy .. plan a) 'I was wondering if you'd like to hang out/go to the movies/get a pizza with me/grab a drink or coffee/check out a play or band ie i hear this great band is playing on sat... What do you think?'

If he says 'yes' excellent, if he says 'no' say 'how about another time' or he might say 'I can't make Sat but I can do Sunday...'

 

If he says yes he is busy plan b) 'ok that's cool, I was just wondering if you'd like to catch this great movie that I'd like to see with me....' etc

 

If he's interested he'll say yes and make plans if he can't do that day. If he's not he'll have excuses like 'Oh I'm not really sure... and not give a definite time frame of when he might be available'

 

Yep it takes guts to ask someone out - guy or girl, it's nerve racking but hell it's worth it!

[Max Overclock]

Excellent advice, bella.

 

Now, keep us informed about what happens.

[Guest]

Excellent advice, bella.

 

Now, keep us informed about what happens.

 

You guys are great!! Thanks for the advice. Just to explain why I was so reluctant to make the first move, he's the sort of guy who would go out with a girl if she asked him, he might even date her for a while (or do the FWB deal), but eventually if he wasn't the one who pursued her, he would lose interest. Even if he wasn't interested in a girl, he wouldn't say no if she asked him out because he's really outgoing and likes having lots of friends.

 

Well update, he finally asked me out! We went to catch a movie and after that we had a long talk...nothing serious or personal but just getting to know each other. He didn't tell me he liked me, or put the moves on me, or anything, but it was good just hanging out. His body language confused me a little, sometimes he would lean over to my side but after a bit he would pull away. What does that mean?? Anyway next time I'm going to ask HIM out to show that I'm definitely interested.

 

I guess he's the type of guy who likes to take it slow and play it cool. He's NOT a shy guy, or the "strong silent type"...in fact one of the things I don't like so much is that he out talks me most of the time. In fact he's an extrovert and if he wants something he'll get it but he either needs to be very sure he wants it or do it on impulse. He also has a short attention span so it's difficult for any girl to hold his interest unless he really, really likes her.

 

Will keep you guys updated!

[Rossco]

YES! So excited for you!

[Guest]

Ok I think I screwed up kind of. We were out with some friends and there was this other guy who was attracted to me and made a move on me and I sort of flirted with him too to see what would happen. He (Jason) didn't even seem to care, he just acted neutral and friendly, and told me it would be "fun" if I hooked up with this other guy. To show I wasn't interested in the other guy, I left with Jason but he didn't bother to send me home or anything, he just teased me about it so I went off by myself.

 

Things were progressing so well but I guess it's over.

[Max Overclock]

Ok I think I screwed up kind of ... there was this other guy who was attracted to me and made a move on me and I sort of flirted with him too to see what would happen.

 

So, have you and the other guy (the one that made the move on you) hooked up?

[Rossco]

No...no,not over. It's a work in progress! He just feels he doesn't have the right to be jealous. You guys haven't even kissed yet, right? I'm not saying to stop talking to other guys....just let him know he's the one you'd rather be with. Maybe ask him out this time.

[Guest]

We've been chatting online and he didn't refer to that incident at all. But he keeps talking about how he's not ready for a relationship and that he doesn't want to date anyone for a while. Is he trying to send me some sort of sign that it's not going to happen between us? I'm confused!

 

About the other guy, I don't know if I should go out with him just to keep the friendship. He's a cool guy to hang out with and I don't want to just focus on one guy and miss out on others. But I already know there is no chemistry going here so it is not likely we'll end up dating.

[Rossco]

Well, just keep the lines of communication open and tell him you hope you guys can stay friends no matter what. Does he show any romantic interest in anyone else? If not, then maybe he really is scared of a relationship because he doesn't want to get hurt. I know a guy whose SO much like this it's not even funny. Tell him you understand how he feels.... and hopefully he'll open up and tell you WHY he doesn't want a relationship right now.

[Max Overclock]

I'm really glad you both got together for a date.

 

He's the sort of guy who would go out with a girl if she asked him, he might even date her for a while (or do the FWB deal), but eventually if he wasn't the one who pursued her, he would lose interest.

 

Awwwe, I hope you're mistaken on that, though. I mean, even if he got with ya through you asking him out, and you both really hit it off well, I couldn't see him then going off ya just because you took the initiative to ask him out. I'm sure there might be guys like that, but ... I don't think there are many.

 

His body language confused me a little, sometimes he would lean over to my side but after a bit he would pull away. What does that mean??

 

Don't read too much into that kind of thing yet, though. You guys were just at the stage of "feeling each other out." Don't worry about that as such yet.

 

I guess he's the type of guy who likes to take it slow and play it cool. He's NOT a shy guy, or the "strong silent type"...in fact one of the things I don't like so much is that he out talks me most of the time. In fact he's an extrovert and if he wants something he'll get it but he either needs to be very sure he wants it or do it on impulse. He also has a short attention span so it's difficult for any girl to hold his interest unless he really, really likes her.

 

.... I had to grin ... especially at the underlined part, cuz thats me too, to a fault even! I'm about as extrovert-ish as I can be lots of times, but I have a tendency to take my dead time when it comes to these things. I'm cautious by nature, and I really love to be sure of what I'm feeling for a girl before I did anything major. I'm guess it's just that I'm a true analyzer of everything and everyone. But every now and again, I'm likely to just go for something.

 

And the attention span thing .... hmmm ... what was it we were talkin' about again?

 

BTW, in your later post, did you mean that you don't feel that there's any chemistry between you and Jason, or the other guy? I'm confused. (Must be my attention span thing. )

 

If he's not into the idea of a relationship right now, then that's cool. Give him his space, but let him know beforehand that you like him. If you're still single and he is also (after a while apart), you never know.

 

Really interested now to know what's happened since. Any update?

 

Max

[unluckylove12]

HEY! hi umm listen to me good okay, this guy might or might not be intrested in you, but its more of a possiblitly that he likes you cause if you say that he knows the time u go online, and always talks to you first, than that shows that there is a huge possiblity cause he obvisouly cant wait to talk to you. and even on those little night outs to grab some pizza is good too if its just the two of you, than dont waste that time you have with him, take advantage of it and try to get his attention and get him intrested in you.

Make sure you talk about wat he likes, i mean ur already good friends so you must be doing that all the time.

And when you think your good and ready go ahead and ask him yourself but dont try to make it look desprete, and try to hint that you like him aswell so he feels comfortable enough to tell you that he likes you.

 

If ur too afraid of the fact that he might reject you and it might be akward between you two, than don't do it.

But just think about it for a little, if he flirts w/ you 24/7 and is always trying to grab ur attention than its a defenat plus that hes intrested, alway remember to flirt back and he might get the picture that you like himm too and than that would be the perfect time for you to ask or for him to tell you.

 

 

BUT REMEMBER THIS, VERY IMPORTANT!!!!

 

Make sure he dosent go fishing!

if you think im crazy let me tell you what this means:love:

To go fishing in love language means the he hooks you to his heart and starts to pull you up towards him but when your just about to get closer to him than you ever have before he drops you back to the bottom of the ocean and abondons you.

 

What this means is, just make sure he isnt a huge flirt, that makes you secure enough to tell him that you like him and than he rejects you and never talks to you again.

 

to make sure he dosent go fishing, try to focus on the other girls around you, if he flirts with them,or if a girls ever liked him, than ask wat happend, if he was a complete ass and just rejected her after flirting so much.

IM JUST WARNING YOU HONEY, NEVER FALL FOR A FISHER

 

ok well im done here i hope my advice has helped you in anyway possible, if all goes to hell than you have my full WORD TO DRAG ME ALONG WITH YOU;)

MWAH!

LAVINIA

[Guest]

I'm really glad you both got together for a date.

BTW, in your later post, did you mean that you don't feel that there's any chemistry between you and Jason, or the other guy? I'm confused. (Must be my attention span thing. )

 

It's the other guy.

 

Lavinia: Thanks girl! Great advice on the fishing!! I get what you mean, I don't want to be dragged down and get my heart broken. He's a really friendly guy.. I think he talks to lots of people online and IRL so it doesn't mean anything. He doesn't flirt with me outright but he seems to like me alot. I don't know if it's cause he really does like me, or cause there's no other new girl around right now.

 

I've been waiting a few days to see how things go before updating. First, about the other guy that I was flirting with. It's definitely not going to work out!! He became creepy after that, calling me up and demanding to know what I was doing and if I was seeing anyone. He also called my best friend and tried to get the dirt on me. Guys can seem so normal sometimes but they're really not :/

 

So I guess it's backt o me and Jason...we still chat online and hang out but lately I'm getting less of the attraction vibe between us and more of a friends vibe instead. Sometimes he talks about his previous relationships and it seems like he put alot of thought into them, like how he was going to talk to the girl or how he should ask her out and where they would go. I never got anything like that, it was always "Hey want to hang?" Maybe he really does see me as just a good friend. I'm going to be seeing him at a friend's barbecue this weekend but I'm thinking after this I should see less of him, especially in a crowd of people. Since he has such a short attention span, when my novelty value wears off he might just start to treat me like another female friend.

 

How do I progress this relationship?? I don't know how I feel towards him...he needs to show some interest for this to go anywhere!