Why take back a cheater???

[samsungxoxo]

Yall keep hearing about some people who are deciding to work it out or took them back already. WHY bother???? What's the point about being with someone and knowing (as long as you're with them) forever that he/she was capable of hurting you and replaced you.

 

LOL, I know for a fact I would never in my life take back a cheater. I can already imagine I would already be gone crazy, drive myself nuts with that "Oh will he cheat again, what if this and that" and that whole snooping on him, agh, when I have other thinsg to do, like studying to finish my career, finding a job, etc.

 

So why are the reasons besides that "Oh love is blind", Oh I love him/her" "He.she my soulmate. Oh come on, if you only state those reasons, just that and have nothing else to say, why bother. What else???

[Spectre]

Cuz theyre into the person so much they forgive something that shouldnt be forgiven.

 

Im more curious as to why people who cheat and then are honest about it are commended for it, it happens way too often on this site. When I was little and I would lie i would get in trouble, when i wasnt lying but was accused of it, i'd say do i get a reward? my mom would reply that you dont get anything for being honest, its expected. The same thing applies here,

[SueBee3490]

Ailec,

 

It's taken me over 3 yrs to finally decide that I can't take back a cheater. I was so torn up over the decision earlier - on that roller coaster ride of emotions from thinking I can't live without him and will try to patch things up to almost hating him in a way for what he has done to us.

 

I even felt bad with myself at times at the number of people who really try to work on their marriage and forgive the cheater. I felt like crap because I couldn't understand why I never felt like I could be so forgiving and let him in my life again. I was beginning to think I was a real b**ch because I couldn't get over his cheating and try to get on with our lives together. He swears he isn't doing anything now so I know alot of people would be saying "give him another chance". I can't and mine cheated on me while dating but not since marrying so I feel even more as though I should forgive and move on in our lives but I can't.

 

Sometimes there's just too much damage done for a person to get over.

[Saria]

Ok lets go from the other side. I have cheated in the past, I'm not proud of it but my partner tookme back and I am very greatful for it and I know I wont cheat on him EVER again!

 

He took me back to give me a second chance and I realise how much he's loves me and how much I love him.

[PandorasBox]

I can say from my experience, that I couldn't take a cheater back, and I didn't. When I was married, and found out my now ex husband cheated I didn't give him a second chance. That was a deal breaker in our relationship. I would be one of these ppl where I would always wonder if he was doing it again. I know trust can be rebuilt, I know ppl can recover from affairs and take a cheating partner back, and thats fine, but for me I couldn't. I guess its all in what two people want.

[Sal Paradise]

Infidelity of any kind (physical even a kiss, or emotional) is a deal breaker for me. There are no second chances. I've been cheated on (a few times) and the one thing I'm proud of is that I kicked all their loser butts to the curb. Losers cheat and I'm too good to be with a loser. That's not being egotistical, that's having self respect. No one should accept infidelity.

 

I don't know how people do it (the one's who forgive and take them back). If my current girlfriend did it and I stayed with her, anytime I looked at her I'd think about what she did to me. If we were being intimate I'd have visions of her and the guy engaging in sexual activity. Just the thought of her lips touching some other guys lips or body parts would be enough to make me vomit. I'd never be able to kiss her again. She would be tainted to me and so would our love. The innocence and trust would be lost forever. And those are the things that make love amazing. If you lose those its not worth staying around for. I feel like I deserve better than to accept a tainted love that is a shadow of what it could of been if the other person had remained faithful. I won't settle for that. No one should.

[purspeed]

You people are so narrow minded.

 

Cheating is complex and every situation is unique. What is infidelity to one is just friendliness to another.

 

To a virgin, things are cut and dry. In the real world, with emotions, money and politics, forgiving cheating is a real option.

 

And, strap yourselves down for this, yes, some actually never cheat again.

 

It depends on the infinite reason why the person cheated and the infinite reasons why they wish to repair the relationship.

 

(some of you folks really believe in the infallibility of your positions, eh?)

[witabix]

You people are so narrow minded.

 

Cheating is complex and every situation is unique. What is infidelity to one is just friendliness to another.

 

To a virgin, things are cut and dry. In the real world, with emotions, money and politics, forgiving cheating is a real option.

 

And, strap yourselves down for this, yes, some actually never cheat again.

It depends on the infinite reason why the person cheated and the infinite reasons why they wish to repair the relationship.

 

(some of you folks really believe in the infallibility of your positions, eh?)

 

I have to agree, I am one of the bolded types.

 

I cheated, twenty years ago, on my then but now ex wife. She took me back at the time. It went pear shaped for other reasons years later.

 

I have never cheated since, and never will again.

 

even when I think about it now I feel uneasy. Why did I do that?

 

Because at the time I was stupid and ignorant and selfish, oh did I mention stupid?

 

Never again will I cause that kind of pain to a woman. Ever.

[purspeed]

I like what I read Witabix...raw truth.

[witabix]

Cheers purspeed, thats what i do, raw truth.

[john2776]

It's taken me over 3 yrs to finally decide that I can't take back a cheater. Sometimes there's just too much damage done for a person to get over.

Hey SueBee, do you have a thread with your story?

[SueBee3490]

Hey SueBee, do you have a thread with your story?

 

Hi John,

 

I don't think I ever told my whole story in a thread just bits and pieces in others' threads or I may have asked questions of others and revealed more of my story that way.

 

Probably most of the regular posters on LS know my story, you can pm me if you want to know anything else. My life's a mess - I do know that

[Spectre]

You people are so narrow minded.

 

hold that thought for your next sentence.

 

 

Cheating is complex and every situation is unique. What is infidelity to one is just friendliness to another.

 

Youre telling me, someone could say..have a bf, and go make out with another guy, and blame it on friendliness? Or have sex with someone, and blame it on friendliness? Man, where do you meet these girls? I can see maybe if someone catches their chick say, hugging some guy, that is different. But if a girl thinks fooling around with a guy is friendliness then isnt she a hooker?

 

To a virgin, things are cut and dry. In the real world, with emotions, money and politics, forgiving cheating is a real option.

 

what does money and politics have to do with it? if you cheat you do not love whomever you cheated on. It doesnt matter if you cheated for money(which makes you a hooker) or politics(which just makes you dirty) point is you did it.

 

And, strap yourselves down for this, yes, some actually never cheat again.

 

so? there are ppl out there who have gotten away with murder but only done it once in their life. does this mean they should get off scott free from it? just because u will not do it again does not mean it absolves you from the shadyness that is cheating.

 

It depends on the infinite reason why the person cheated and the infinite reasons why they wish to repair the relationship.

 

The only reason that would actually make sense for cheating would be mind control drugs, anything else is just an excuse to cover for your own selfish behavior.

 

(some of you folks really believe in the infallibility of your positions, eh?)

 

better this than be naive enough to believe someone could cheat out of being too friendly

[purspeed]

@ Spectre:

 

You are especially narrow minded.

 

People have different thresholds and standards for cheating. My friend is a wealthy chiropractor. He has a beach bunny type girl. This girl has literally grabbed my dick and massaged it right infront of him (in lake Havasu....mmmmm havasu). Anyhow, this didn't bother him. It's all in good fun.

 

Now, if he caught her sleeping with me, that would have ended his relationship.

 

Different thresholds, dude. Yes, people actually do have different values here in the US.

 

Money and politics has everything to do with it. You may not know rich or powerful people or religious people, but the social pressures within such groups is immense. Even various cultures will live with cheating because they don't value sex as something sacred or because the same of break up far outweighs the same of infidelity.

 

Don't compare sex to murder, sicko. Your analogy is 2nd grade.

 

Mind controlling drugs? You sound like Dr. Evil. All people are selfish. Thanks for stating the obvious Mother Teresa.

 

Did I actually stumble across some fundamentalist religious forum or something?

[konfuzd]

You are especially narrow minded.

 

People have different thresholds and standards for cheating.

 

Just because someone doesn't agree with you, does not make them narrow minded. These two statements contradict eachother... If you are saying that each person has a different threshold for cheating, he should have every right to say that grabbing some other guy by the junk is cheating.

 

IMO cheating occurs when something is done which is deliberately kept from their partner. If it is a mutual decision between the two of them that it's acceptable to grope another person, or if they are involved in a swinger type relationship, it's not cheating.

 

What this thread is about is those situations where a partner was betrayed and not aware of their partner's behavior. If your gf was stealing money from you, or smoking crack and hiding it from you, is this forgiveable behavior? Am I narrow minded to think that I wouldn't take back a guy who stole from me?

[purspeed]

Konfuzd: yes, you are narrow minded. Jesus taught us to forgive, to set the example in the face of stupidity, so taking back a cheater, a thief, a prostitute is perfectly fine.

 

It doesn't bother me when people disagree with me. Nothing really bothers me, in truth. Peace, love and happiness

 

But, some of the folks on this board should spend less time typing and more time f***ing.

[konfuzd]

to set the example in the face of stupidity

 

So, it seems that you will be setting the example for us all then! Don't ever judge me!!!! I agree with the previous poster who said that you must have some sort of self worth in order to realize you deserve better. Maybe that's why you will take back all these filthy, deceptive people, because you are the same.

 

Don't go preaching about Jesus and then make a statement like this, "But, some of the folks on this board should spend less time typing and more time f***ing."

 

You are obviously one of those people who thinks you can live a life of sin, as long as you ask forgiveness on your deathbed, your sins will be washed away... I'll see you in hell homeboy!!!!