Right infront of me

[Guest]

What do you think of a man who views porn right infront of his wife who knows she doesn't care for it? I bet I know what some will say, at least hes not hiding it. Well, true however, thats not the point. Our sex life and pretty much al areas of our life has seemed to be fine. He gets sex regular we comminucate well as far as telling each orther how we feel etc. However it seems when ever I tell him how I feel it falls on def ears. Its like it matters not what I feel or what I say.

 

Yeah men look at porn this is true. Its ok but not my cup of tea, he has always known this. It was late last night about midnight and he was on the computer, looking at ebay etc. I asked him twice to please come to bed, it was late and he had to get up early for work. He said ok, but then logged on to one of his favorite porn sites. I could see around his head for it was in the way of the screen of the computer. I saw what he was looking at. I even threw off the covers and said I had something for him. I still didn't mention I saw what he was looking at. Maybe he didn't know I saw him becasue he thought his body covered the screen since he was right infront of it all up in it. After he browsed a few pictures etc, he then goes to the history as I'm sitting there in the bed, and deletes what he just looked at. I'm sorry but thats just crazy to me, he is bound to know I saw what he was looking at, and deleting, I was right behind him and he knew it.

 

Perhaps this is like a passive agressive thing or maybe an active agressive thing. Where he purposly does something he knows I don't really care for. I was wanting to be intimate with him, but he sat infront of me and viewed porn. When he logged off, he went to get in the shower, and I heard him sigh and he acted rather depressed where as he did not act that way before he got on the porn last night. Its like after viewing that he changed. He came to bed kissed me, and rolled over and went to sleep. I felt like pure sh*t really. He would rather view that than be intimate with me. I talked to a friend of mine about it and wanted her views on it, she said sounded like a man who is disrepectful, has a problem,and doesn't care what I think or feel. Not so much about the porn maybe, but the fact he knew I wanted to be intimate with him but chose to look at the porn infront of me and acted like I wasn't even there. What do others think?

[JackJack]

Based on what you have said, to me it sounds as if he has problem. He knew you were awake, he knew you were behind him, he knew you wanted to be intimate etc, but he chose to keep viewing what he was viewing after you asked him to come to bed.

 

He knew you don't care for it, so I'm not sure why he would even view it infront of you, unless he thought he would send you the message that instead of hiding it, he thought if it were out in the open you might be more accepting of it? Not sure on that. Maybe he thought you would come around on the matter. My question to you is, since you knew he was on it infront of you, why did you not call him out on it?

[Guest]

Based on what you have said, to me it sounds as if he has problem. He knew you were awake, he knew you were behind him, he knew you wanted to be intimate etc, but he chose to keep viewing what he was viewing after you asked him to come to bed.

 

He knew you don't care for it, so I'm not sure why he would even view it infront of you, unless he thought he would send you the message that instead of hiding it, he thought if it were out in the open you might be more accepting of it? Not sure on that. Maybe he thought you would come around on the matter. My question to you is, since you knew he was on it infront of you, why did you not call him out on it?

 

 

I guess I didn't call him out on it becasue I felt it would fall of def ears anyway. Seems like alot of our life is like that not just with the porn. He is gonna do what he wants reguardless of how I feel or what I say. I ahve tried in the past to be nice about it, firm about it, mean about it ingnoring it, addressing it etc etc. It matters not to him it seems.

[Sassy]

If my SO had of done this in front of me . I would have called him on it. I think it was very disrespectful to view it in front of you. He obviously don't care what you think about the porn! It would make me feel very insecure and feel i wasn't enough . If it was me I would have called him out on it. JMO

[BareGoddess]

I don't know. To me the viewing the porn isn't so much the problem as his turning you down for sex was. Are you sure he knew that you were ready and willing? Could it be you weren't clear enough in your signals that you were ready to make love? Were you implying that you thought he was masturbating in the shower instead of having sex with you?

 

Sounds like maybe you need to be more direct with him. Perhaps you should have verbally expressed your desire to make love instead of just throwing back the covers? Maybe he just didn't pick up on that signal.

[Guest]

I don't know. To me the viewing the porn isn't so much the problem as his turning you down for sex was. Are you sure he knew that you were ready and willing? Could it be you weren't clear enough in your signals that you were ready to make love? Were you implying that you thought he was masturbating in the shower instead of having sex with you?

 

Sounds like maybe you need to be more direct with him. Perhaps you should have verbally expressed your desire to make love instead of just throwing back the covers? Maybe he just didn't pick up on that signal.

 

 

Thanks for your reply. Yeah its not such much the porn as it was the fact that he would have rather done that than come to bed with me and be intimate. I didn't just throw the covers back, as I said in my OP, I also told him I had something for him, and said it sexy like. He answered me and said ok as he was clicking another site.

 

As far as implying he was masterbating in the shower, not sure what you mean. He could have been, but I don't know. And if he was, thats fine, men do it. I just noticed that before he got in the shower after being on what he was on, he became very depressed like. His attitude changed. When he was on ebay and other sitres he views, plus earlier on in the day he wasn't like that at all. He acted different once he logged off the porn.