Single forever by choice-Why?

[basscatcher]

I am curious to know why you have chosen to remain single for the rest of your life?

 

Why have you chosen to never invest yourself into marriage?

 

Are you choosing to never get married based on your self image of being unable to commit to just one person?

 

Is it because you have been hurt so deeply you choose not to ever trust another person again?

 

I have met a few people who have made it clear they will NEVER get married, they NEVER want to have children, and they NEVER want a live in.

 

What is your reason's to why you are adiment to NEVER, NEVER, NEVER get married again?

 

(Are you sure there isn't someone out there who could change your mind? I've known devoted singles to all of a sudden change their singleness because someone wonderful for them entered their lives and they still live happinly married.)

[bab]

My father has been single by choice for 18 years. He has never dated anyone seriously enough to bother telling either of his children about. I don't even know if he's dated at all. He felt he got burned by my mom, and he figured that women were more work than they were worth.

 

I don't know how he fufills his sexual needs, and frankly I have a negative desire to know. He seems extremely happy as he is. He lives in a trailor that is falling apart, but has a very nice 6 car garage, 5 cars and some land. He's happy as a clam. He (rightly so) doesn't think many women would be happy in his world, but he loves it and doesn't think that a woman would be worth changing it.

[basscatcher]

It just baffles me how people can just ignor companionship...my mother says she will not marry again.

 

She has been married 3 times.

1st-my father, ended in a nasty divorce. No money or anything involved just bitterness.

2nd-was the love of her life. he was an amazing man and was always there for all of us. he died of a heart attack.

3rd--was an acquaintance in town. she married for companionship. He died of a heart attack. (she said if she would have married this man when she was younger she would have been lovestarved because he wasn't a affectionate man and wasn't a good lover..)

 

My mother is in her very early 60s and says she doesn't want to marry again.

I can see her point at her age and her interests.

 

But for younger people. 20s 30s and 40s how can one say they will never marry..??

[EnigmaXOXO]

For me … having already done the marriage and parenting thing, my views aren't the same now as they were before I experienced it. I suppose if I had never been married or had a chance to become a parent … my biological clock might still be ticking.

 

I also don't believe in the notion of promising "forever." It's nice to have "hope" that your relationship will last until death due you part … but people change, their feelings can change, so I have learned to accept that very real fact of life. For me, I'd rather live appreciating the here and now and be happy in the moment rather than tethering myself (or them) legally or financially as a way of keeping ourselves obligated and shackled at the proverbial ankles.

 

I've also stopped looking for external validation years ago when it comes to family, friends, religious and social expectations. I guess I've finally grown comfortable in my own skin, and I'm more content with following my own moral standards than I am with sacrificing my happiness and peace-of-mind just to fit in and make everyone else feel comfortable. Then again, my happiness doesn't come at anyone else's expense unless they choose to feel awkward about a relationship that has nothing at all to do with them.

 

I don't know if I could describe myself as a commitment phoebe, because I am perfectly capable of committing. I keep the promises that I make, and don't make promises I'm not certain I can keep. A license, a ring and calling myself "Mrs." doesn't change that for me. Yet, I rather like the idea that even though my partner and I have the freedom to leave our relationship at any time without any legal or financial repercussions, we choose to stay together because we want to, and not because we have to. Somehow, strange as it sounds, I'm more comforted by that.

 

Then again … maybe everything I've seen and learned from the past has jaded me in some ways I don't often care to admit. After all … what possible excuse would either one of us have to cheat if we can't use "the kids," "the marriage," or "financial concerns" to justify our actions. You'd have to come up with one WHOPPER of a lie to justify the need to remain in two relationships at the same time. Not that it can't still happen … but again, without all the legal, familial and financial entanglements, it would cost little except our emotional investment to part ways. Then again, if the later ever happens, than there wasn't much emotional investment left anyway.

 

NOW I sound like a commitment phoebe!

 

But in all honesty, I'm not "adamantly" against marriage. I'm just fortunate enough to be in a relationship with someone who is like-minded. Should he ever give me an ultimatum one day, I might have to reconsider my point of view if he somehow needs that from me as "proof" that I love him. And so far, he's not interested in becoming a full time parent any more than I'm ready to go through all of that again. We both enjoy our free time and stress-free lives way too much! But again, should my partner ever change his mind in the future about wanting to become a father … he is a free agent and can follow his heart wherever that might take him.

[basscatcher]

For me … having already done the marriage and parenting thing, my views aren't the same now as they were before I experienced it. I suppose if I had never been married or had a chance to become a parent … my biological clock might still be ticking.

 

I also don't believe in the notion of promising "forever." It's nice to have "hope" that your relationship will last until death due you part … but people change, their feelings can change, so I have learned to accept that very real fact of life. For me, I'd rather live appreciating the here and now and be happy in the moment rather than tethering myself (or them) legally or financially as a way of keeping ourselves obligated and shackled at the proverbial ankles.

 

I've also stopped looking for external validation years ago when it comes to family, friends, religious and social expectations. I guess I've finally grown comfortable in my own skin, and I'm more content with following my own moral standards than I am with sacrificing my happiness and peace-of-mind just to fit in and make everyone else feel comfortable. Then again, my happiness doesn't come at anyone else's expense unless they choose to feel awkward about a relationship that has nothing at all to do with them.

 

I don't know if I could describe myself as a commitment phoebe, because I am perfectly capable of committing. I keep the promises that I make, and don't make promises I'm not certain I can keep. A license, a ring and calling myself "Mrs." doesn't change that for me. Yet, I rather like the idea that even though my partner and I have the freedom to leave our relationship at any time without any legal or financial repercussions, we choose to stay together because we want to, and not because we have to. Somehow, strange as it sounds, I'm more comforted by that.

 

Then again … maybe everything I've seen and learned from the past has jaded me in some ways I don't often care to admit. After all … what possible excuse would either one of us have to cheat if we can't use "the kids," "the marriage," or "financial concerns" to justify our actions. You'd have to come up with one WHOPPER of a lie to justify the need to remain in two relationships at the same time. Not that it can't still happen … but again, without all the legal, familial and financial entanglements, it would cost little except our emotional investment to part ways. Then again, if the later ever happens, than there wasn't much emotional investment left anyway.

 

NOW I sound like a commitment phoebe!

 

But in all honesty, I'm not "adamantly" against marriage. I'm just fortunate enough to be in a relationship with someone who is like-minded. Should he ever give me an ultimatum one day, I might have to reconsider my point of view if he somehow needs that from me as "proof" that I love him. And so far, he's not interested in becoming a full time parent any more than I'm ready to go through all of that again. We both enjoy our free time and stress-free lives way too much! But again, should my partner ever change his mind in the future about wanting to become a father … he is a free agent and can follow his heart wherever that might take him.

 

Wow.. Very well said on your part. That seemed to be a very honest answer about yourself.

[alphamale]

It just baffles me how people can just ignor companionship....

I like companionship...especially from attractive females

 

But for younger people. 20s 30s and 40s how can one say they will never marry..??

The vast majority end up marrying eventually. Maybe these people have not met the right person yet or the person they THINK is the right person but really is not.

[2sunny]

Companionship is one thing - and marrying is another story!

 

I loved being married, but highly doubt I ever will again, mainly because there would be no purpose in it. Already have kids, so what's the point in it?

 

To spend time with friends/lovers that you enjoy is a very good thing, but who says it needs to lead to marriage?

[basscatcher]

I like companionship...especially from attractive females

 

 

The vast majority end up marrying eventually. Maybe these people have not met the right person yet or the person they THINK is the right person but really is not.

 

Companionship-yes I think the majority would get involved with someone but why wont they commit to marrying if they don't intend to continue looking for someone more compatable?

 

We all make mistakes in life and as we grow older we can look back and see how nieve we were when we thought we understood--true but why give up on thinking you can't EVER get married. Why do people believe they are called to be single, live single, never commit or devote themselves to another person??

[alphamale]

--true but why give up on thinking you can't EVER get married. Why do people believe they are called to be single, live single, never commit or devote themselves to another person??

there must be 10,000 reasons for someone never to want marriage PADA. A few i can think of are:

 

1) Finances

2) Medical issues

3) Mental or emotional problems

4) Substance abuse

5) Just plain old weird

6) Fear of commitment to anything

7) Career-orientated

8) Already have kids

9) Like the care-free lifestyle and independence

10) Don't want to answer to anyone but themselves

11) Have experienced many bad marriages second-hand

 

blah blah blah.....the list goes on and on and on...

[luvtoto]

Nice thread, Pada. I've pondered this question ever since I met my committment phobic X-fiance.

 

Why in the world would someone opt for a single life alone?

 

Since he and I broke up, he's had lots of woman offer relationships to him, which he's declined. He just says, "I just don't want a relationship. period."

 

Eventhough, it didn't work out between us, whenever he sees me he still lights up. I can tell he still cares alot about me. Still interrogates my daughter if I have a new BF yet. (actually that just happened this weekend)

 

So...why be alone?

 

I am sure I will never understand this about him. It will forever remain a mystery.

[basscatcher]

there must be 10,000 reasons for someone never to want marriage PADA. A few i can think of are:

 

1) Finances

2) Medical issues

3) Mental or emotional problems

4) Substance abuse

5) Just plain old weird

6) Fear of commitment to anything

7) Career-orientated

8) Already have kids

9) Like the care-free lifestyle and independence

10) Don't want to answer to anyone but themselves

11) Have experienced many bad marriages second-hand

 

blah blah blah.....the list goes on and on and on...

 

There all excuses..

Whats the real reason? What's underlying all those reasons. The core issue at hand?

 

is it fear?

[portableversion]

Why I would NEVER get married again:

 

1. Don't want to deal with a man's sex drive.

2. Don't want to play ego-stroker

3. Don't want to deal with all the emotional drama and hi-jinx.

4. Don't want TO DEAL WITH IT. Period.

 

Also, i've contemplated the single life. The worst thing about it is 'being alone'. But i don't need a marriage or even a relationship to combat lonliness. I can volunteer, work at a no-kill animal shelter, adopt some animals, garden...etc etc.

[alphamale]

So...why be alone? .

why not be alone?

 

There all excuses..

bull-oney! they are all valid reasons.

 

is it fear?

that another seperate valid reason.

[Pyro]

I believe that a majority of those who want to remain single are only saying it because they have been hurt in the past and they are afraid or don't want to get hurt again, so they are leaving their guard up. It would take meeting the right person for those individuals to not remain single.

[EnigmaXOXO]

I think it depends on your definition of "single." Some people consider "single" being anything other than married.

 

Some non-married folks can commit and devote themselves to another person. Sometimes longer than married folks. They just don't view the institute of marriage as that elusive Holy Grail of life, love, and relationships.

[basscatcher]

I don't know where the data is at or how to find it right now but I know there were tests done on babies to see how they would survive if one recieved love, affection, touch, cuddling, attention and another didn't get all those things from another human being .

 

If I recall the baby that didn't get the nurturing either died or had major developmental problems. The baby that recieved the touch, love and affection was healthier then the other baby and better adapted in life.

 

If this has been proven scientifically, medically and psychologically I can't believe that those persons who claim to be bonefide singles forever can really live healthy, balanced, content, happy lives.

[alphamale]

If this has been proven scientifically, medically and psychologically I can't believe that those persons who claim to be bonefide singles forever can really live healthy, balanced, content, happy lives.

the majority of people who have been married for any length of time are not that happy. They just exist and many of them are trapped and cannot get out. There are married couples that are extremely unhappy but they are good at putting on a happy public face.

 

In this day-and-age i think that staying single is the more risk-averse route. Any anyways, I love women too much to actually marry one and ruin her life

[The slayer]

IMHO there are many reasons...but I'd say that anyone who really strongly felt they NEVER want to commit would have first hand experience of a really bad relationship, either their own previous relationship or their parents relationship.

[amaysngrace]

For me, I'd rather live appreciating the here and now and be happy in the moment rather than tethering myself (or them) legally or financially as a way of keeping ourselves obligated and shackled at the proverbial ankles.

 

Yet, I rather like the idea that even though my partner and I have the freedom to leave our relationship at any time without any legal or financial repercussions, we choose to stay together because we want to, and not because we have to.

 

Wow...my thoughts exactly. Extremely well-stated, EnigmaXOXO

[The slayer]

also never and forever usually tend to mean the same thing....for now!

[clandestinidad]

To quote EnigmaXOXO:

 

I also don't believe in the notion of promising "forever." It's nice to have "hope" that your relationship will last until death due you part … but people change, their feelings can change, so I have learned to accept that very real fact of life. For me, I'd rather live appreciating the here and now and be happy in the moment rather than tethering myself (or them) legally or financially as a way of keeping ourselves obligated and shackled at the proverbial ankles.

 

A license, a ring and calling myself "Mrs." doesn't change that for me. Yet, I rather like the idea that even though my partner and I have the freedom to leave our relationship at any time without any legal or financial repercussions, we choose to stay together because we want to, and not because we have to. Somehow, strange as it sounds, I'm more comforted by that.

 

I TOTALLY agree. My SO and I were talking about this last night. He found my views a little sad...I guess they're mostly based on the horrible 9month marriage/year and a half divorce.

 

He said that he's happy and fulfilled just to be with me. And we're committed to each other, as well as making every effort to work out whatever comes our way. EnigmaXOXO worded it much better than I can.

 

A few months ago, we had a discussion about the point of engagement rings. My view is that they're pointless. The only purpose in them that I can determine is to 'lay claim' on your 'woman' so that others can see that she's already taken and keep away.

 

I feel like people should have their own boundaries, and set up appropriate boundaries with your SO when it comes to the opposite sex. I wont need any sort of ring to let people know that I'm off-limits....I guess this is kind of a tangent from the original topic, but it kinda fits

 

Also, having already had a child of my own I'm not itching to have another one. I might adopt older child(ren) some day, as I've always wanted to do that....I just dont want another BABY (though if I had one, I'd love it and be happy)

 

My SO was never really focused on having children of his own. He feels that if he ever has a child, he will be happy....its just never been a goal/dream of his. So, we're content either way....and I've been secretly hoping that he's sterile

[EnigmaXOXO]

I don't know where the data is at or how to find it right now but I know there were tests done on babies to see how they would survive if one recieved love, affection, touch, cuddling, attention and another didn't get all those things from another human being .

 

Pada … what makes you think that single people don't get love, affection, touch and cuddling from another human being? You're single, and you seem to get those needs met from guy friends and the people you meet.

 

Heck … sometimes it's the married folk who stop getting all of that!

 

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting your post. Do you mean "single" as in: "don't want to get married"… Or do you mean single as in: "Don't want anything to do with another person ever again" (???)

[BareGoddess]

Interesting thread. I've discussed this with my H before. If anything ever happened to him (God forbid) or if we ever divorced (highly unlikely) I would never get married again. I love being married but at this stage of the game, I wouldn't do it again. I'd have no good reason to. I'd want my independence. Would I like to be in another committed relationship? Yes. But I'm not sure I'd want to live with someone. I would want to come and go as I pleased. Do what I want when I want to.

[basscatcher]

Pada … what makes you think that single people don't get love, affection, touch and cuddling from another human being? You're single, and you seem to get those needs met from guy friends and the people you meet.

Not really. I want more and can't get more. I feel vacant and voided most of the time. When I'm in the moment I tend to just inhale as much as I can and I become more sensitive to touch when it happens my senses are on high alert..

I'm really feeling quite deprived. Its so far and few in between touches that my skins crawls sometimes.

 

Maybe I'm just misinterpreting your post. Do you mean "single" as in: "don't want to get married"… Or do you mean single as in: "Don't want anything to do with another person ever again" (???)

 

Both actually. I have met (few) both types of people and I'm just not satisfied with their reasons.

 

I can't see how someone can put conditions and control on their lives not knowing what the future entails.

 

No one can accurately read the future and know what will happen.

 

I wanted to find out peoples different opinions and reasons why they don't want to EVER marry or get involved in a monogamous relationship.

[Asafan]

Interesting thread. I've discussed this with my H before. If anything ever happened to him (God forbid) or if we ever divorced (highly unlikely) I would never get married again. I love being married but at this stage of the game, I wouldn't do it again. I'd have no good reason to. I'd want my independence. Would I like to be in another committed relationship? Yes. But I'm not sure I'd want to live with someone. I would want to come and go as I pleased. Do what I want when I want to.

 

My wife and I have also discussed this issue and feel exactly the same way.

 

For myself I would definitely want my independence back. Love my wife and being married but would not do it again. I don't think I would get involved in any type of relationship. But I am weird that way. I was always a loner before the wife came along. Don't know why, but she is the only person I have every really wanted to get to know. I would probably just do hook ups or pay for sex as that is the only reason I could see getting together with anyone again.