Am I over-reacting? Or am I entitled to feel like this?!?

[Guest]

Ok this is kinda long, so if you're not in the mood of listening to a longish rant I suggest you stop here.

 

Ok Im a 20 year old guy from Ireland, and Im with my girlfriend 4 months this saturday... The back story in brief, we were friends for 2 and a half years before we got together, we were always really close and most of our friends were convinced we'd get together. She had been with a guy (Daren) for most of the time I had known her and they broke up in january of this year because he wanted to be single again, she was crushed but got over him in a month or so. We had been flirting a lot since November of the previous year. And I know for a fact that we both liked each other since about then too(information leak from a mutual friend) I decided to make my move in march(urged on by friends even though I didnt think she was completely over him yet), and it went well, she felt the same about me as I did about her and we've been together since then, as I said coming up on for months now.

 

Now, the 2 months went really well, we skipped all the awkward getting to know you stuff and got right into things, we were pretty much inseperable for most of that 2 months as with any new relationship. We started sleeping together after the first couple of weeks (only took that long because both of us were living at home and we couldnt get time to ourselves).

 

In April darren tried to break us up, telling her that he wanted her back and that I wasnt right for her, that it wouldnt last. She told him to get stuffed and move on.

 

During the first 3 months she was finishing off her gaisce(its an irish award "the presidents award" given for athletic and community involvment activity) She'd been doing it for close to a year at this stage and everyone doing the gaisce has to have a mentor/coach called a Pal... Now as it happens her Pal was her ex-boyfriend (darren), it wasnt possible to change to a new Pal because she would have to start the whole thing again. She went out running with him every sunday, and I admit that I didnt like that at all, but when she asked if it bothered me I of course said "no, why would it bother me?". She had to go on a survival weekend in the wicklow hills with him too, alone... one tent.... now Im generally not jealous but given how they broke up, can I really be blamed for being jealous here?

 

She didnt drive at the time and he would often drop her to my place after their runs, another thing I didnt like but.... how and ever...

 

In the last month Ive tried to move things along, happy enough that the amount that she see him is considerable less because the gaisce is done with. She still talks to him and texts him, but doesnt hide it, so I doubt anything is going on, but there is still that niggling thing there at me... Am I entitled to want her to stop seeing/talking to him?!? I always thought that I would be ok with a girlfriend still being friends with her ex... But apparently not... I want to ask her to stop seeing him, but I dont think I could bring myself to do it, I really believe that whomever a person choses as their friends is up to them and it is nobody elses business, not even a partners. Im being a hypocrit here.

 

Other little things that are getting to me if you wouldnt mind giving me your opinions:

If I say I cant meet her some day she gets all distant, acting as if i had said that I dont WANT to meet up with her.... Should I talk to her about it? how do I go about that?!

 

I have yet to meet any of her friends(except for her work friends and our mutual friends), she has met all of mine. She has been to my best friends 21st, and it is one of her friends birthday this friday and she is going to the party, but shes not bringing me.... I have a right to be pissed about this right?! I mean, its starting to feel like shes ashamed of being with me.

 

We spend most of our time in her place, despite the fact that she shares her room with 2 sisters so we have to sleep in the sitting room, when I have my own room and a double bed?!?! She says she wants me to get to know her family and vice versa, but I want the same thing...

 

Now theres also a couple of sexual things:

I perform oral sex on her all the time, pretty much everytime we have sex, not only because its good foreplay, but I enjoy it, and she gets her most intense orgasms from it. But despite this, after 4 months I have yet to get a blowjob from her, I've never directly asked because I dont particularly like to, but Ive hinted strongly several times and from what she says back I know she understands but still nothing. I know she has no issues with it, because she has said it a few times that she doesnt mind giving blowjobs but hates to swallow (mostly in the presence of mutual friends).

 

I ALWAYS initiate sex. I would love to have her jump on me, but its like if I dont do it, it wont happen..... She keeps telling me Shes completly and totally in love with me, devoted.... but from the way she acts I wonder if shes attracted to me anymore...

 

Anyway, I think this is a lot of issues that just shouldnt be there after only 4 months, I could use another opinion (many opinions would be even better). So what do you think?

[Bryanp]

I see a lot of red flags. I will keep it short. If the roles were reversed, do you think your girlfriend would be so accepting of your ex-girlfriend? Sleeping overnight in one tent with the ex......Oh please.

 

She continues to hang out with the ex....Give me a break. Your relationship seems to exist as a 3 party relationship. She continues to hang with her ex who has made it clear that he wants her back. Therefore it is extrememly disrespectful to you. Again if the roles were reversed I doubt she would put up with such crap from you.

 

On the sex part you need to speak plainly and clearly to her. You don't hint but you say how you would enjoy oral sex also. It really sounds like you are the giver in this relationship. I think you should have spoken up sooner that you do not like her hanging around and driving and running with her ex lover. There has to be some boundaries. She is really disrespecting you. It is time for you to speak up and discuss how you feel. Why you are OK with her hanging with her ex lover is beyond me. You are just asking for trouble.

[Guest]

Why you are OK with her hanging with her ex lover is beyond me. You are just asking for trouble.

 

As I said in my origional post, its not that I am ok with it, but if I was near the end of a year and a half long program for the presidents award, and my ex girlfriend was my coach, theres no chance I would stop it and start all over again just because my new girlfriend didnt trust me enough... and after that it was kind of hard to start saying, well ok now I dont like it.

 

Would you honestly ask a girl you were dating to stop something that she had set her heart on achieving and put a lot of effort into when she was so close to finishing? just because you cant handle the fact that its an ex lover they have to do it with?

 

Besides she doesnt see him that much now it was just the first couple of months, now its every few weeks at most. But he does text her quite a bit, though (and Im not proud that I did this) I did go through her messages once and a lot of his messages were things like "havent heard from you in ages", "how are things with BOB*", "why are you not replying?". And her messages were mostly stuff like "I dont want to meet up".

 

 

 

*BOB is an assumed name