jess11 Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Hi, I posted this under the sexual thread, but I'm goign to try it here (more viewers)... I'm seeking thoughts and POV's on this...would really like to hear from men. Being a woman, I cannot claim to know exactly if this problem can be solved. I'll try to keep this as short as possible while also providing what I perceive as needed info. I was in a commited relationship with a now 35 year-old man for 5 1/2 years. During that time, our sexual relationship was an issue. He is generally impotent and when he can rise to the occasion, then premature ejaculation was usually the case (often before entry). There is no physical basis for this problem - he had a medical exam. It seems this is strictly psychological and I later learned that he has pretty much always been this way (in past relationships too). I stayed for as long as I did because he's a great guy, I love him dearly and thought we could figure this out together. During that time, he tried counseling for a few months. He also tried Viagra once. Nothing changed. I thought I could stay because I could see myself growing old with this man and know that sex isn't everything. However, I do believe that sex is important for intimacy and bonding in a relationship. More importantly, I really want children (so does he) and I cannot see how that would happen under these circumstances. What bothered me a lot was that he said "he didn't see what the big deal is about sex" and preferred extended kissing and cuddling. He did not make other efforts to satisfy me in other ways sexually. Eventually it just wore me down. I tried to be so patient, but it was creating this cloud of tension that hung over us. We parted ways. We are now talking again after one year and I still love him. I'm hesitant to go back due to this issue. I tried telling him how I'm feeling in the most delicate way I can (I understand how sensitive of an issue this is) and he just responds that "he thinks it will work". Can this type of problem be solved? Any thoughts on if things would really be different now? Link to post Share on other sites
PandorasBox Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 I know you're wanting males POV's and hopefuly some will reply. IMO, I do think sexual issues can be overcome. I guess to it depends on what it is and how deep the issue goes. It would probably take lots of thearpy and maybe one from a sex thearpist to help him. It could take months or even years, depending on what the cause is. It could be that he knows what the issue is and doesn't want to tell you for whateveer reason, or maybe its so deep rooted he doesn't really know himself. Link to post Share on other sites
michelangelo Posted July 10, 2006 Share Posted July 10, 2006 Are you sure he had a medical exam specifically regarding his sexual performance? I rarely go to the doctor and in my entire adulthood not one physicial has asked me how that area has been working out for me. So if he came home and said he had a medical exam, maybe the closest to the subject they got was "turn your head and cough." Link to post Share on other sites
Author jess11 Posted July 11, 2006 Author Share Posted July 11, 2006 Yes, it was an exam with this subject in mind. Plus there is no impotence issue when it comes to masturbation. It seems to be entirely psychological/performance anxiety. Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 11, 2006 Share Posted July 11, 2006 It can be overcome, but he has to be willing to acknowledge it's a problem, seek help, and participate willingly in the therapy program he's given. Link to post Share on other sites
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