What about the Moochers and Beggers...

[Butterflying]

For as long as I can remember, most of my relatives have always been lazy, welfare lovin', money hungry scandals. I have an Aunt Kathy who has never worked a day in her life. She got married at 18 years of age and had two children, Tonya and Jason. She and her husband divorced and she depended on the government for everything. Aunt Kathy used her children's disabilities to scam money from the government. When Tonya was 15, she started having children. Now, she has also never had a job and continues to live off the government. Not to mention that Aunt Kathys son Jason is now in prison for drug charges and murder.

 

All of my aunts and uncles are in similar situations. I am the only person in my family who graduated from college and have a decent career. I also live in a different city than the rest of my relatives. They all live in the same poverty stricken area they grew up in. I only visit once or twice a year since I live so far away from them.

 

The problem is, every time I go home, some of my relatives ask me for money. Recently, I purchased a second car. Now my Aunt Kathy is pressuring me to GIVE her my other car. She's acting like I owe her something and trying to make me feel guilty about not giving it to her. The last time I visited my relatives, Aunt Kathy asked me for money. She said she needed groceries and gas. I gave her the money.

 

Now that I refuse to give her my car, she has been telling other family memebers that I am stingy, and I think I'm better than everyone else because I have a degree and a good job. I love my family. But I seriously don't have enough money to give to all of them just so they can be happy with me. The only reason that I'm better off than they are is that I chose not to be lazy an depend on handouts.

 

My relatives are soo bad, when I take my friends home (boyfriends, female friends, ect.) they ask my friends for money as well. It's embarrasing for me. It seems impossible and harsh to turn my back on my relatives completely. As it is, I only see them twice a year, maximum.

 

How can I let them know that I'm not stingy without giving them everything I've got? How should I deal with the guilt trip Aunt Kathy is giving me eventhough I don't owe her anything? Her request simply isn't fair. She actually has three cars on her welfare salary. If I give her mine, she will have four cars, and I'll have one. I don't understand why other family memebers are taking her side and insisiting that I am wrong for not giving her my car.

[hulali]

If I had relatives like that (oops, I forgot I do), I'd avoid them like a cat avoids water. I don't feel I 'owe' my relatives anything because they are adults.

 

They got themselves into whatever hole they're in, so they better start digging. I know that sounds rude but just because your related to someone doesn't give them the right to take you for granted.

 

Like you, I struggle but you don't see me begging or mooching for any help because my pride holds me back.

[bicky_62]

For as long as I can remember, most of my relatives have always been lazy, welfare lovin', money hungry scandals. I have an Aunt Kathy who has never worked a day in her life. She got married at 18 years of age and had two children, Tonya and Jason. She and her husband divorced and she depended on the government for everything. Aunt Kathy used her children's disabilities to scam money from the government. When Tonya was 15, she started having children. Now, she has also never had a job and continues to live off the government. Not to mention that Aunt Kathys son Jason is now in prison for drug charges and murder.

 

All of my aunts and uncles are in similar situations. I am the only person in my family who graduated from college and have a decent career. I also live in a different city than the rest of my relatives. They all live in the same poverty stricken area they grew up in. I only visit once or twice a year since I live so far away from them.

 

The problem is, every time I go home, some of my relatives ask me for money. Recently, I purchased a second car. Now my Aunt Kathy is pressuring me to GIVE her my other car. She's acting like I owe her something and trying to make me feel guilty about not giving it to her. The last time I visited my relatives, Aunt Kathy asked me for money. She said she needed groceries and gas. I gave her the money.

 

Now that I refuse to give her my car, she has been telling other family memebers that I am stingy, and I think I'm better than everyone else because I have a degree and a good job. I love my family. But I seriously don't have enough money to give to all of them just so they can be happy with me. The only reason that I'm better off than they are is that I chose not to be lazy an depend on handouts.

 

My relatives are soo bad, when I take my friends home (boyfriends, female friends, ect.) they ask my friends for money as well. It's embarrasing for me. It seems impossible and harsh to turn my back on my relatives completely. As it is, I only see them twice a year, maximum.

 

How can I let them know that I'm not stingy without giving them everything I've got? How should I deal with the guilt trip Aunt Kathy is giving me eventhough I don't owe her anything? Her request simply isn't fair. She actually has three cars on her welfare salary. If I give her mine, she will have four cars, and I'll have one. I don't understand why other family memebers are taking her side and insisiting that I am wrong for not giving her my car.

 

i know what your going through my in-laws are doing the same to us, they expect us to give them things when they can go by them there selves.

[bicky_62]

for the past 13 years my husband & i have been mooched & begged off from his father & stepmother when they have enough money to support there 25 yr old son (he should have been out of the nest) along time ago. we have done a lot for them and then all of a sudden they have head fits like little kids. they think that we aren't allowed to live our own life even after we got married and the stepmother keeps bringing up the fact that she's pissed off because we have no kids for her to abuse.

[stacym75]

OMG i so know what u mean,i really don't have anyone asking me for money anymore.But i have a (soon to be ex sister in law)that has been on welfare since she has had kids which is about 10 yrs now.It really pi**es me off to think about she doesn't work and gets money for free.I guess it doesn't help when her mommy helps her all the time to .Me and my husband work for everything we have and still struggle but it is ok cause we know we work for it and it feels good to know we do.We just bought a house ,we closed on it dec 20 and it was one of the best christmas presents of my life.I know there are millions of people on it and that is fine if u truly need it for awhile ,but get a job and work for it and get off welfare.

[Butterflying]

Nice to see that I'm not alone here. So how should we deal with these mooching relatives? I don't want to turn my back on my family. Is there a better way to handle this?

[Walk]

My brother is a mooch. He's 34 this year and mommy and daddy have bought him every car he's ever owned. They bought him his house too. He would call me to come babysit (for free), then he ask me for grocery money, money to help pay bills, and whatever ever else he can think of.

 

He used to make me feel really guilty. He'd talk about how horrible his life was, how the power company came out to shut off the power and he had to line his children up on the front porch and beg them not to. blah, blah..

 

I cut him out of my life for about 5 years, only saw him on major holidays but I stayed across the room when I had to see him. Every time he called for money, I was very firm, polite, and unemotional.

 

I don't think he's quite as bad as the relatives described above, but it was about setting boundaries and sticking to them. He acted hurt and upset for about 3-4 years because I wasn't giving in to his demands, but I stuck wtih it. It's been about 10 years now, and we have a much better relationship. He doesn't act like a little spoiled brat around me any more. Although, he still sucks my parents dry. They won't say no to their little boy. *puke*

[EnigmaXOXO]

Tell your family that you're selling the old car because you need the money. That if Aunt Kathy wants to buy it from you, you'd be willing to give her first dibs.

 

I know it's difficult for some folks to say "No," … been there myself.

 

My suggestion … learn to play the "poor mouth" routine as well as they do. Stop talking about "what you have" and start complaining about how difficult it is for you to make ends meet on your own. When they ask for money say: "Sorry. I'd really like to help you out … but it's hard enough supporting myself, and I just can't afford it right now."

 

I had to learn to do this A LOT with some of the crack-head parents who came to pick up their kids at the inner city youth center where I worked. You'll only feel bad the first few times … then eventually they'll just quit asking.

[hchris6738k]

get gutsy, tell them all to stop being lazy and making excuses for everything, tell them you struggle to but you work hard for your money, instead of lying around and complaining that their "free money" aka welfare checks arn't enough tell them to get off their asses and work for a change.

 

tell them you don't live in that neighborhood because you choose not to, remind them they are not victims and you don't work hard for them, you need to get tough and make these people respect you, because they abviously don't now, they are all used to getting what ever they want from playing the government and playing you. take control of your life, who cares what they say or think, isn't your self respect more important? let them get made when you get the guts to stop helping them, let them say whatever they want, that's when you say you don't deserve this and you cut them out of you life.