What is going on with this guy?

[Confused]

I've been dating a wonderful man for about 3 months... we're both in our late 40's and have been divorced twice. He's sweet, funny, caring, and the most affectionate man I've ever known (he's a toucher and hugger). Up front, he told me he's been divorced for 9 years (I've been divorced for 6), and he's not sure he can have a relationship. I had no problem with that, since the whole dating thing is new for me too.

 

Okay, here's the dilemma. We see each other 3-4 times a week, dinner, shopping, playing cards with friends, dancing. Slow dancing with him takes my breath away... and it didn't help when one night he started singing the words to me (about getting me into his life). The next week, he brings me a magazine with all these houses for sale and wants to know if our tastes match up... that maybe in a couple of years, he's going to buy a house (he and his brother live together). I own my own home but he's a country guy, and I live in the city.

 

By the way, he's not a lamer... he's got an excellent job and has money. I never asked for financial information, but he mentioned it last week out of the blue. He keeps buying me things to the point I told him I was getting peeved. He just laughs and says he likes spoiling me.

 

I asked him last night what he wants because this whole change from what he said at first is scaring me to death. He'd be far too easy to fall head over heels with. His reply after some heartstopping kissing: it's better than staying home, and aren't I having fun?

 

Then he says he just wants me to think about him... and he walks me to the door and goes home.

 

Guys, help me out. Talk about mixed signals! Is this your idea of just having "fun"?

 

Yeah, this whole relationship is pretty new. I've spent a lot of years becoming independent and getting over a divorce from hell. But this guy has managed to break right through my protective shell, and I don't know where to go from here. It's been a long time since I thought there was anything other than being alone.

 

Do I just roll with this? What is going on here???

[BeenThere]

Confused...take three deep breaths and RELAX!

 

This guy sounds wonderful. Just take your time and enjoy it rather than wasting so much energy trying to read his mind and figuring out what his motives and objectives are. You've been born with that good ol' "female intuition" and I'm sure it will kick in if/when you ever need it.

 

I think its been so long since you've actually *enjoyed* the company of another man that you might be a little afraid...even gun-shy. Please don't spoil your happiness by imagining problems that don't exist. Worry about them if/when they happen.

 

It's so nice to read a *happy* post for a change...to hear someone say so many wonderful *nice* things about the person they're with!

 

Smile! Be Happy! You're luckier than most!

I've been dating a wonderful man for about 3 months... we're both in our late 40's and have been divorced twice. He's sweet, funny, caring, and the most affectionate man I've ever known (he's a toucher and hugger). Up front, he told me he's been divorced for 9 years (I've been divorced for 6), and he's not sure he can have a relationship. I had no problem with that, since the whole dating thing is new for me too. Okay, here's the dilemma. We see each other 3-4 times a week, dinner, shopping, playing cards with friends, dancing. Slow dancing with him takes my breath away... and it didn't help when one night he started singing the words to me (about getting me into his life). The next week, he brings me a magazine with all these houses for sale and wants to know if our tastes match up... that maybe in a couple of years, he's going to buy a house (he and his brother live together). I own my own home but he's a country guy, and I live in the city. By the way, he's not a lamer... he's got an excellent job and has money. I never asked for financial information, but he mentioned it last week out of the blue. He keeps buying me things to the point I told him I was getting peeved. He just laughs and says he likes spoiling me.

 

I asked him last night what he wants because this whole change from what he said at first is scaring me to death. He'd be far too easy to fall head over heels with. His reply after some heartstopping kissing: it's better than staying home, and aren't I having fun? Then he says he just wants me to think about him... and he walks me to the door and goes home.

 

Guys, help me out. Talk about mixed signals! Is this your idea of just having "fun"?

 

Yeah, this whole relationship is pretty new. I've spent a lot of years becoming independent and getting over a divorce from hell. But this guy has managed to break right through my protective shell, and I don't know where to go from here. It's been a long time since I thought there was anything other than being alone. Do I just roll with this? What is going on here???

[Ed]

He is sending mixed signals. Probably a sign that his feelings for you are different at different times. That's understandable, he is probably just as confused as you are. I don't recommend you trying to overanalyze his behavior at this point. Just take him at face value and use your gut instinct to tell you what is happening.

 

A lot of guys buy things for their girlfriends. I think most do so with the best of intentions. However, some guys definitely overdo it! This can be a real big turn off for anybody if the gifts are too frequent, too expensive or are generally inappropriate the for current stage of the relationship as you see it. You did the right thing by telling him you are uncomfortable with these gifts. You need to impress upon him that the best gift he can give you can't be bought. Tell him you don't expect him to always know what's appropriate, but you will always expect him to listen to you and take your feelings into consideration.

 

You have to give yourself some credit (or blame) for this one. He did not break through your protective shell. You have willingly let him into your life because, 1. you are ready, and 2. he has some of the qualities you are attracted to, among other things.

 

While the broom is out working overtime on sweeping your feet out from under you, do a little sweeping upstairs to keep the cobwebs out of your head and don't loose your breathe to the point being smothered. Enjoy the time and attention you are getting and giving. Give this relationship some time to see where it leads. If things work out to your liking, more power to you. If they don't, I shouldn't have to tell you it's not the end of the world or the end of potentially charming men.