I don't think he's really gay: HELP ME UNDERSTAND THIS GUY!!

[Angela]

I met this guy at the small theatre I work in who came to all my shows, took me out for lunch three times, and kept asking me when he would get to see me again.

 

At first I wasn't even attracted to him and felt I was going to be in a difficult position by telling him he wasn't my type ect. but that I wanted to be friends. Then the last time he took me out late after a show he announced that he was gay! I told him how relieved I was because I just wanted a good friend and no more of these men who just use me to go to bed with, then leave me.

 

A really eery thing that I learned was that his birthday was on the exact same day as one of my ex-boyfriends who had been bisexual. We go out alot now, and he keeps telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. (He's been with women in the past).

 

The last time we had lunch together I told him he had the most gorgeous eyes and he started to cry. Then he said, "Something is going to happen with us, but we'll just let it come on it's own..." At that moment I had to look away because I was feeling this rush of love "energy" all through me. I changed the subject of conversation at that point because I was too overwhelmed to deal with what I was feeling.

 

He is very "touchy-feely" at times and I don't know how to interpret his gestures or even WHY he likes me so much. I told him I didn't really think he was completely gay and he agreed. But I've always heard that one a man proclaims himself GAY he stays GAY!

 

What's going on here? Am I imagining things? Am I making big things out of little nothings? Is it possible that he is attracted to me? Someone HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

[odyne]

It sounds like he definitely may be bisexual. It seems like you are very accepting of him being gay (which is great!!)if that is the case, and I don't think there is much advice I can give you at the moment. If he agreed with you when you said you thought he wasn't strictly gay and he's been with women before, then it sounds like there might be a possibility of you two getting together if that's what you want. As far as "once gay always gay!" goes, I think that is not true in a lot of situations. It just takes the "right person" to open up someone's mind (and heart). Some people may disagree with me but that sounds like what may have happened here. As far as what you can do now, just continue to talk to him and see where it goes. Be careful though because as with all relationships, it may not work out. Gay or not, issues come up, just make sure that you are as level-minded as you can be about the situation. And consider this, if things do work out, great! If not, you still have a really sweet friend, right? Bonne chance. I hope it works out for you.

 

Take care,

 

Odyne

[Totally Confused]

I met this guy at the small theatre I work in who came to all my shows, took me out for lunch three times, and kept asking me when he would get to see me again. At first I wasn't even attracted to him and felt I was going to be in a difficult position by telling him he wasn't my type ect. but that I wanted to be friends. Then the last time he took me out late after a show he announced that he was gay! I told him how relieved I was because I just wanted a good friend and no more of these men who just use me to go to bed with, then leave me. A really eery thing that I learned was that his birthday was on the exact same day as one of my ex-boyfriends who had been bisexual. We go out alot now, and he keeps telling me how beautiful I am and that he loves me. (He's been with women in the past). The last time we had lunch together I told him he had the most gorgeous eyes and he started to cry. Then he said, "Something is going to happen with us, but we'll just let it come on it's own..." At that moment I had to look away because I was feeling this rush of love "energy" all through me. I changed the subject of conversation at that point because I was too overwhelmed to deal with what I was feeling. He is very "touchy-feely" at times and I don't know how to interpret his gestures or even WHY he likes me so much. I told him I didn't really think he was completely gay and he agreed. But I've always heard that one a man proclaims himself GAY he stays GAY! What's going on here? Am I imagining things? Am I making big things out of little nothings? Is it possible that he is attracted to me? Someone HELP ME PLEASE!!!!

don't do anything. get out now, because gay or not, this guy is going to give you a roller coaster ride to heartache and headache land. if he's this confused now, he will always be. if he's bi, he will always be. you will never change him. he is what he is and all these little, i'm so confused games he's playing -which he may really feel - won't last for long. he's attracted to you, but he will also be attracted to other men. if he sleeps with you, don't think for a second he's yours, because he's not and he won't stay for long. he may also tell you he's totally gay, knowing he swings both ways, just to make you think you're changing him. get away, while you still have your sanity.

 

men lie to get laid, gay, straight, bi doesn't matter. you may say, oh no, he's not like that, but if he really cared about you, knowing he was screwed up sexually and didn't know what he wanted, he wouldn't get you involved, because he wouldn't want to hurt you. Good luck, i hope you make the right decision.